Chapter 9: Xenia

Xenia p.o.v.

The rest of the day went by making sure to stay Annie away from Father Nicholas...and his things, mainly his bathing oils; I don't want her to scent like him. And we still don't know why in god's name Annie is here in the first place. Father Nicholas refused to talk to her alone, saying whatever she want to tell she could tell that in front of her queen, me.

Thank god, they didn't talk alone behind a closed door otherwise someone would have definitely gotten murdered by me...No, not real murder, just some beating perhaps as I would never kill someone, no matter how bad that person is.

Anyway, Annie said that she will tell us everything at lunch, and finally, it is time for that much-awaited lunch. I already prepared bacon for us and vegetable soup for father...don't know how can he eat the same dish every day! And it's not like priests are prohibited to eat meat, they can eat it...all priests did, just Father Nicholas is strict to his beliefs, too strict if you ask me.

I hummed the sweet melody children sang on Sunday mass while settling the table. The scullery here in this tower is nothing like the kitchen we have in the castle, it was gigantic and so luxurious but I never set a foot in there, no one let me, because princesses don't work...most importantly with their maids. So, no matter how much I wanted to learn cooking, they never let me try. However, I was lucky to meet Father Nicholas, who did not even let me enter this kitchen but also teach me how to cook.

The small kitchen had replenished with the delicious aroma of herbs, when I opened the jars, filled with food and place them on the round table, surrounded by five wooden chairs. Finally, work is done...Now Annie better come downstairs and eat while telling the fucking reason for her sudden arrival.

Bright sunlight, reflected over window glass to my face as I looked behind, resting my hand on the shelf, I stared at the sleek golden pillar of our church... faint tintinnabulation of the church bell made my mind go back to Father Nicholas when in reality those bells should have reminded me of divinity...of God. And here I am, thinking about Father instead.

I took a deep breath, a failed attempt to calm my nerves...as if the mere thought of Father Nicholas made my heart act wild, and my eyes teary. He didn't come back since morning and didn't even eat breakfast...ugh, why am I even worrying about him? I should be angry because of the way he acted toward me.

Sighing, I picked up the water flask and was about to turn around when I felt someone's presence behind me, I didn't need to see who that person was as the fragrance of rich french rose, shrouded my body, and it was enough for me to recognise him.

His hand touched the flask while his chest brushed against my back, his warm breath ticking over my cold shoulder, making my legs numb and my mind woozy at the same time, still staring at the water, I took a step back, an attempt to sneak away from his dominant presence but my rear bumped at his muscular front, God, he is too close, " Let me...", Father Nicholas whispered softly, trying to take the flagon from me.

What did he think, coming here and trying to help will make up for his stupid behaviour. Horseshit. He can conserve his soothing tone for his penitents and others...I don't need his gentleness anymore.

I harshly snatched the flagon away from him, still not looking at his face, I abruptly turned around, " No, I can do it myself.", I growled with that same harsh tone he used on me in the morning.

Ignoring that unsettling guilt, I ambled toward the table. A part of me felt bad to behave like that, I never...ever disrespected Father Nicholas, he raised me, taught me, took care of me...and on top of that, he is a god's man, a priest. l shouldn't talk to him like that, but my anger was way more vital than my sane mind, so...even when my heart and my mind were screaming at me not to overreact, not to act harsh but still I did, and ignored him completely.

Father Nicholas hadn't said anything just stood there as some tomb, leaning over the wooden shelf, kept gawking at me like a furious hawk while I settled the jar and glass on the table...plates were already on it but I deliberately pick them up and bring them to the shelf, only to put them back on the table again; all this time I felt his gaze on me but I didn't attempt to saw his face. Perhaps, he was waiting for me to finish the work, probably he wanted to talk to me...or apologize? Or maybe, I am stupid and expecting too much.

No matter how much I tried not to see his face but at last, I secretly peeked at him while cleaning the already clean table, people will going to call me a mad queen if I kept behaving this peculiar.

When I glanced at Father Nicholas, I reckoned to see anger, hatred...or disgust in his face but when my eyes met his deep blue eyes, they were glossy. This was supposed to be a peek...I was supposed to look away, I was supposed to be as harsh as him...but when I saw his face, I just couldn't look away. His jet-black hair was messy, and the black cassock over his body was the indication that he directly came from his reconciliation hours...normally he bathe and took rest after hours of continuous work but today, he is here...standing in front of me with a painful expression on his face when he is the one who behaved harshly towards me from the past two weeks, I should be the one to be angry, I should be the one to stand like that with a sad face and teary eyes, not him.

Huffing, I strolled towards the shelf and threw that dirty cloth in the sink before turning around to leave this kitchen, Annie can talk to him alone, I don't care.

Father Nicholas suddenly grasped my hand from behind, and yank me towards him...I can feel his finger digging into my wrist...his breath meandering over my skin and everything was so sudden...so fast that for one second I couldn't understand what is happening around me. Barely a second ago I was near the table and about to leave, and now...I found myself pressed against the shelf and the man who raised me.

A shaky breath eluted from my lips when I felt him inhaling the nape of my neck and his hold was so rigid, that I could only wiggle under him, " Xenia...please.", he husked, resting his forehead on my shoulder. My eyes were glued to the wooden shelf, my back touching every inch of his muscular body...and my thighs, they were pressed together tightly, restraining my painfully throbbing core...which got drenched under his harsh yet soothing touch.

I noticed his hand slowly coming closer to my resting hand over the shelf, his palm touching the back of my hand...fingers wrapped around mine...locked in the same way they were in the morning before he flinched as if I were some filth. Was it some way of him apologising?

Father Nicholas exhaled when our hand finally locked...as if they belonged like this, together, " I don't want to snap at you in the morning...it's just.", He said and then stopped without completing the sentence.

Feeling annoyed, I turned around, peering up at his gleaming blue eyes, which seemed grey now due to the sunshine reddening on his skin, " It's just what, father?", I asked, resisting the urge to kiss those luscious lips...our face was so close, so close that our breaths were melding together as one, " Why are you behaving like this?", I asked but my voice came out as a whisper due to this unbearable proximity between our breathless bodies, " Did I do something...is this about that confession..."

I stopped mid-sentence when suddenly I felt his soft lips pressed against my forehead, Father Nicholas exhaled deeply when my hands glided over his hard chest; which I didn't even notice until a cold silver locket stroked against my hand...his cross. Father Nicholas is a priest, it's prohibited for him to even touch any woman, let alone kiss her forehead. Why...why did he kiss me then? Is it because of pity, is it some apology or is it because he saw me crying and felt bad?

Father Nicholas kissed my temple before his eyes met mine, our foreheads touched as he stared down at me. I am not short, my height even more than almost every lady I met but in front of him...I looked so small, so little compared to his big muscular body, " No...you did nothing wrong.", Father rasped but I was too lost to reply anything.

I have no idea what is happening...It was just a peck on my forehand, and he kissed my forehead before when I was a kid, so it shouldn't be a big deal, right? But still, today...it's just felt so different...the way he touched me, saw me or felt me and the way my body melted under him...even right now, the way his eyes looked at me, it gave me a shiver right through my core.

God... forgive me for the sin I might commit with this man...and for this man.