IT IS CALVARY

LISA:

Gabby and I barely slept. The morning caught up to us, and it didn't feel as fragile and refreshing as usual. It counted to be the most fearful morning of my life, and one Gabby wished it wouldn't come.

"Lisa, we need to go for a shower," Gabby tapped me regardless.

We slept together in my bed; no, we lay all night in my bed. None of us adhered to the rules of not bedding the night in one's bed. We didn't remember the damn rule. We were too awake to care.

"It is useless for me," I said weakly.

"You are not dying today," Gabby pulled me up. "No one is going to Calvary, Lisa. You must have your cold bath and be ready for whatever."

"Cold bath?"

Gabby and her morning spites. I almost bet she would save me from that today.

"Yes, godforsaken freezing bath." She groaned. "No one ever thought of water in a pot of fire. Have you ever imagined a Louis Nobis with a hot shower?"

"Imagined and yes, hell."

I responded for the first time since her lamentations over cold showers, and she smiled.

"Here," she threw my towel at me. "Let's go down to freezing hell."

It is Sunday. We returned from the washroom, prepared, and went for the service. The recap of a singing Uriel resurfaced as I watched the students' choir, singing on the pulpit.

I remembered urging Uriel to sign up for the choir — how nice it would be to see her amongst the angelic-dressed students, singing for the congregation of Louis Nobis.

Students marched back into their various dormitories after the service. Casual sit-outs began and everyone seemed happy and normal, except me.

Sundays at Louis Nobis are lively; free of chores and activities, and a day to rest and sleep. It is a holy day for the Reverends and a holiday for students. While the Reverends retire to their quarters, students preoccupy their dormitories for fun.

Sunday before today was perfect to watch Uriel laugh over little things and hear her talk about everything. Sadly now, it would be a day for my crucifix.

And Uriel, she has avoided me. I didn't see a glimpse of her at church or anywhere. I do not know how she stayed unseen the entire time, and at 1 pm, I was yet to see her.

I wasn't looking for her, I must say. The habit of having her at reach promoted the lookout.

I do not wish to meet her. The trumpet she is about to blow against me is fast approaching. I have no reason to see her face before then.

"It will be alright," Gabby comforted me when I looked at her.

She is the only person as solemn as me; who understood my situation.

"It won't."

"I told you," Gabby reassured. "Uriel can't do that to you."

I hope Gabby is right. It is past evening service, Benediction, and nothing about the Reverends looking for me has come up. It may be their holy day, but nothing stops the Reverends from reacting over news like mine.

At 8 pm and nothing? Gabby may be right. Uriel may like me too. Since nothing has happened, I should seek Uriel and clear my confusion.

"Not yet," Gabby objected. "Give her space, Lisa, she needs time to accept everything."

We were seated behind the large statue of the Holy Mary with the Baby Jesus on the prayer ground, ticking along with time.

"She has nothing to accept," I muttered.

The disgust from Uriel wasn't an act. Yet, I am beginning to believe Gabby's words.

"Trust me on this review," Gabby insisted.

"Do you think Uriel is gay?"

If Gabby figured me out right before I came out to her, I pray she answers my question.

Everything that happened last night was overwhelming but I haven't forgotten Uriel's flirty moves on me — Her calling my first name and breathing on me, I remember it all.

"I am not sure," Gabby said. "All I know is that she likes you. She does."

"How did you know about me?"

"Oh," she chuckled. "I saw it in you."

"When?"

"The first day I saw you."

"Is it that obvious?"

I can't believe she knew from the school Park; the day she ordered her noisy hefty bothers to lift my box.

"Not basically. But anyone who is gay can tell."

Holy Mary!

"Are you gay?"

"It is…" She hesitated. "It is complicated."

"Still on figuring it out," I answered on her behalf.

"Yeah."

"I understand."

"Do you think anyone else might know about you?" Gabby asked.

'They were right about you,' Uriel's words flashed in. I don't know what to believe anymore. I can't vouch if Uriel meant the 'they' she spoke of.

"I am not sure."

"Trust me, Lisa," Gabby spoke with concern. "There are a lot of them in Louis Nobis. Everyone is merely playing hide and seek. No one wants to take the fall."

I can't believe I wasn't alone, and the only abomination.

"Tell me about the others."

"…"

"Gabby?"

"I…I can't say. I am sorry."

I nodded. Although I am curious to get a name or names, I appreciate Gabby could keep them sealed. With that, I believe she didn't and will never tell on me.

"If…" She continued. "If nothing happens until classes are over tomorrow, I will tell you, not about others, but I will tell you."

What then does she have to tell me if not the likes of me? Whatever it may be, I hope nothing happens.

Monday came. Early cold showers and masses happened. Students began their morning chores and prefects went on with their functions.

I couldn't rejoice yet. It is still very soon to conclude nothing would happen; that Uriel was merely bluffing and I am safe. I refused to relax on the matter at hand, so, I followed the clock as slowly as it ticks.

Walking to the class block with Gabby, memories of the Saturday empowered me. I saw the crying Uriel seated at the foot of the stairs, the happy Uriel who ran to me as I showed up, and the lively girl, who appeared in a beautiful ball gown.

"Don't think about it," Gabby consoled my unsaid thoughts. "We will get through the day."

We didn't. I didn't. When I thought the day was running by and Gabby's review was proven correctly, the emergency bell sounded all over the school building.

"Gabby…" I panicked.

"I am so sorry," Gabby squeezed my hands in fear.

We know the bell was for me. We understood the emergency doesn't come often. The last time it was heard, a student was expelled for stealing and eating the communion bread in the chalice.

The emergency bell sounds only for grave and unforgiving offenses. I have committed one. My feelings for Uriel are condemnable, and it is time I face my fate.