Past longings

 " I am just a girl, with a crush on you"

I quickly shut her up before she could publicize the news to everyone. She would definitely lead us into trouble someday with her big mouth. I whispered to her tightly, why are you shouting do you want the whole school to know! She removed my hand and replied, and why the heck are you whispering there is no one around here. why do you think I took you here Baka! She continued, well this is really funny here I thought you'll get to make a new friend this year, but my expectations were defied by the holy grace and now you'll bag a boyfriend. good going Rara, she stated the last line with her little smirk.

[flashback]

I remember that day so clearly, I was in ninth grade, as usual it was just a normal day in my life.With Ez being absent I was so bored and was simply sitting on my desk while cursing her about not informing me so I too wouldn't have come. At first it was only the slight discomfort I felt to have me bend down and rest my head on the table. After some time, the bell rang but I was not in any condition to mind my surrounding as my stomach started aching. later I felt a nudge at my shoulder and as I looked up, I saw him standing before me with furrowed brows, looking concerned he asked, Eraya you alright? I looked around and noticed that the class was empty probably at the ground. I brought my gaze back at him, he was wearing his jersey so he must have come from practice. I slowly nodded my head in no. Let's go to nurse office, he said. so I stood up and started walking towards the door when I heard him say something, but it was not clear, so I turned around to look him, his expression was weird with his ear's with a tinge of red and he looked a bit confusing when he stared at me then said slowly, Eraya I think you've got your periods. 

To say I was stunned would be an understatement, I was mortified. It wasn't like I haven't heard that term before but the fact it was my first time getting it. I was so embarrassed that my brain couldn't function about what should I do next and the fact that he knew must only mean one thing that my skirt was soiled. Then I felt something tied on my waist and saw that he had tied his jersey around it and heard him saying let's go. I was so embarrassed that I simply nodded and started walking. In between I heard him saying, hey you don't have to be embarrassed about it. It's totally normal. you know I have a big sister and when she's on periods it's like walking through minefields around her and I 've had my fair share of her mood swings, but I have also seen how it's hard for her too. You too must be having bad cramps. Oh! we've reached. I started walking inside when I heard him saying, if you need any help I'll be at ground, okay. I nodded thankfully at him and went inside.

Then my mom came and took me home. the next day I couldn't go to school because of the cramps. Ezra came to check on me and I filled her about everything. After she went, I thought about how I should thank him and return his jersey too. So, the next day I went early and kept his jersey and a bottle of juice with simple thankyou note under his desk. He noticed it when we came back to class after assembly. He looked at me and with a small smile mouthed if I am okay now? I nodded back smiling and returned towards my book. Then I heard his friends complaining about how he is so popular always receiving gifts and asked if they can drink the juice, he just shushed them shooed them away. As days passed, I started noticing him. we only had short and few conversations or him asking for notes. But I started seeing his different sides like how he was always kind to everyone and took their side even if getting scolded by teacher and so much more. he was so different from me. He is all the things I hate myself for not being. Gradually with time my admiration turned into crush. And one day having enough of these feelings and carrying it alone I confided into Ez, told her everything and made her promise that we'll never talk about this ever again.

I shook my head leaving all thoughts behind and made a face at Ez and said, you know Ez nothing like that is ever goanna happen. we've talked about this before. yes, I admire him and have a crush on him but that's all it will ever be. you know me Ez I am not brave, never was with my feelings. I am happy how things are right now, and I don't want to disrupt this. I told you that day when I told you about my feelings that me being me ez I'll never have the guts to face the rejection I am a coward like that. Hell, it was even difficult for me to confess to you too. I haven't realized I've started panicking a bit when I felt her comforting me then she said, it's okay Rara calm down I won't say anything, kay. And he'll be a fool to reject you but that setting aside I promise I won't come between this matter unless you want me to. Even if I think that you're being an idiot, but well it's really hard to find sensible people like me nowadays. She ended with her smirk. Just then we heard someone shouting at us we looked and saw our PE shouting at us about not being in class and we started sprinting inside. while we were running someone called Ez to tell that she was needed in staffroom. So, she bid me farewell and I started heading towards class. I was about to enter when I heard some whispers which made me stop in my tracks.