Chapter 10: back to school and wash down

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Anna's POV:

I woke from my slumber when I heard someone walk around downstairs and some tableware clatter around. I yawned as I stretched in bed before I sat up and peeled myself away from the warm covers into the cool air of the room.

My eyes swept over the room and landed on the old rocking chair. I stood frozen gazing at the old piece of wood. Sighing before I bit my bottom lip I took the four small steps to the rocking chair and pressed my open palm against the surface of the chair.

Sure enough the hard wood was cooler then it should have been and when I took some air into my lungs I could smell his scent. I nibbled on my inner lip not sure what to make out of it.

A few hours ago he told me about the first two years of his new life. It was strange to imagine that he wasn't even civil with Carlisle when he explained to Edward what he became. I wondered a few time during his tale if he even noticed that I was there because judging by the expressions that crossed his face every now and then he seemed to surprise himself a few times with what left his mouth.

While I was mulling the last night over in my head I became angry as I noticed that I was actually feeling something similar to dare I say it….sympathy for him?

He is charming the pants off of you, isn't he? My subconscious taunted me gloatingly.

I grit my teeth, shaking my head before I looked out of the window seeing that the sun had already said it's goodbye to this place and grey heavy clouds have taken over the sky.

I vowed to myself that I would not fall for that darn charm of his. I remembered how I felt when he patronized me in Italy and that he also had a hand in me losing my parents. That was enough to bring me back on course.

Walking over to the newly organised closet I tried to decide what to wear before I grabbed a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a light violet, skinny sweater with a v-neck. Having my outfit I went downstairs into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When I was dressed I frowned at the reflection in the mirror. The family stealing witch had no make-up. I didn't use much make-up really but mascara, eye liner and a lip gloss were an absolute must be.

I sighed being annoyed with the entire situation once more and my mood was turning sour. I sighed once more and opened the mirror revealing a cabinet behind it were I, to my great surprise, found the make-up that I needed.

I raised my eyebrow at the little set of make-up neatly packed in a cute, light pink, see-through, plastic box.

Little miss pixie again, huh? My subconscious looked clueless at me and shrugged her shoulders.

Not wanting to have to deal with Vampires that early in the morning again I just used the gift horse and made my way out of the bathroom.

"Morning. You are up early." Charlie greeted me as I walked into the kitchen while he was sipping on his coffee while he read the newspaper.

I shrugged.

"Guess I had enough rest."

Charlie looked up from the newspaper and looking intensely up and down my frame.

"Is something wrong?" I wondered looking down at myself fearing to have somehow put a stain somewhere on the clothes.

"No," he shook his head before he turned his attention back to his paper.

I shrugged it off and went to the fridge trying to decide what I should eat before going for some corn flakes. I cut a fresh banana into the bowl before drowning everything with some milk.

"Are you nervous about going to school again?" He asked me when I was washing the used dishes.

"A little but I guess I survive it," I winked at him, not being as confident as I was trying to make us both believe.

School was going to be hell I just knew it.

What do you expect? You are just out of the loony bin and the entire town knows it. My subconscious shook her head at me.

I sighed quietly before I put on a brave face for Charlie.

He looked thoughtful at me before he nodded to himself.

"So you are going to drive me to school or I'm taking the bus?" I asked him since I wasn't allowed to drive a car yet.

I needed to do another test in two weeks and only then it would be decided if my brain was fit enough for me to be allowed to hit the roads again.

"Actually Ben Cheney offered to drive you to school for the next two weeks."

"Ben?" I titled my head to my right in confusion.

"Yes, he lives only a street away from here." He told me slowly as if I had trouble understanding him.

"OK, must have been Angela's idea?"

"Hmm…the both of them came to me on the day you have been released and offered their help."

Angela and Ben seemed to really be nice. It was strange but suddenly I felt excited to meet them.

I was just about to put my jacket on when someone knocked on the front door. Charlie walked over to the entrance and opened the door.

"Morning Ben."

"Good morning Chief Swan. How are you today?" A male voice greeted. The voice sounded friendly and warm.

"Good, good," Charlie nodded looking at me.

I offered him a smile and closed the distance between us, stepping around the opened door to be able to see Ben.

"Good morning…. Anna." He greeted me with a smile and because he called my by my name and not hers I decided that I liked him.

"Hello," I said awkwardly before I looked up at Charlie wished him a good day and went with Ben to his dark green car.

"Is this really OK for you? I don't want to burden you. I could take the bus." I offered while he held the door open for me.

Guess Edward Cullen isn't the only gentleman in Forks. My subconscious raised an eyebrow in wonder.

"Don't be silly. I live just on the other street," he pointed at a street that was behind a road cross.

"Thanks," I nodded at him.

Soon we were on our way and arrived at another house where a girl with long dark brown hair that was in a pony tail and glasses waited for us.

She smiled when she saw me in the back seat. Ben got out of the car, they greeted each other with a brief kiss before he opened the door for her. The both of them were really cute.

"Hi," Angela said when she got into the car while a light pink blush played over her cheeks.

"Hello," I said and bit my lip before the words just blurted out of me.

"Is it really OK for you two be seen with me? I mean I'm the crazy person of the town right now, aren't I?" I had no intention to drag others into my problems like I had been into Bella's.

"Anna you are not crazy!" Angela insisted sternly while she gave me a hard look.

I was stunned at that outburst of the girl who had been described shy and reserved and the only thing I could do was to nod.

"We'll be fine. Don't worry." Ben added.

"Thanks and thank you for calling me Anna."

Angela turned around once again and gave a brilliant smile.

"No problem."

I knew that they were only so nice to me because they thought I was her but since they tried to make an effort to deal with the person I was now I didn't reject them.

I was angry at her, Carlisle, Edward and the world in general but that didn't mean I had to behave completely unsocial. Behaving like an elephant in a china store was not going to help my situation one bit, so I sucked it up.

Besides if I didn't behave myself they would put me back into a funny farm and that was not an option.

Arriving at school was like I had imagined it to be. Everyone starred at me and soon the whispering began. I sighed in defeat and discomfort while Angela locked her arm with mine as the three of us walked into the school building.

Passing the silver Volvo and the two Vampires by who I didn't pay them any attention to though I saw them both gazing at me with longing, pain and sorrow in their golden eyes.

I had no idea why but this pitiful look fuelled my anger. There were things I wanted to throw in his face, I needed to get them out and let him hear my piece of mind. I had no idea why I bothered but I knew if it didn't happen soon I would explode.

The anger was good because it partly distracted me from the fact that the entire paring lot had become dead silent and that the students were watching me like hawks. Some were at least trying to be discreet about it but others were full on staring at me as if they expected me to go crazy any second.

If I thought their stares were bad I had been proven wrong the second they started to whisper. I let out a heavy breath while Ben and Angela were looking concerned at me and I tried to put on a brave face.

I wanted so bad to just run away and forget all of this but I forced myself in the direction of the school building.

When we were in the building I saw a boy with dirty blond hair and baby blue eyes walk my way while two girls, a blond and a curly brunette looked at me, whispered and giggled. I didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know who they were.

"Glad that you are back," Mike told me with a nervous smile on his lips.

I put a friendly smile on my face and tried to behave like a sane person would.

The stares and the gossip were not easy to endure and I found myself wishing for the nightmare to be over soon. I wasn't looking forward to go to Forks High for the rest of the time I would be here, really not.

What made matters worse was the fact that he was in every one of my classes and in the most of them we shared a table. To have to endure his puppy dog eyes on top of everything else was almost too much. I found myself wanting to strangle him.

I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from leashing out on him and instead followed my plan to ignore him. In the back of my mind somewhere I new that my anger was slightly misplaced but I didn't want to care about that fact.

It was as if I was bi-polar one second I felt sympathy for him the other I wanted to take his head of his shoulders.

I was giving him and his sister the silent treatment and the cold shoulder. The both of them looked like they were in pain and were crushed. That made me almost regret my actions almost but when I remembered how he wronged in Voltera and what I had lost it wasn't that hard to keep up my curse of action.

When the school day was finally over and I thought that I would have my chance to tell Edward off but I was greatly disappointed when I saw Charlie's police car in the driveway.

I immediately felt annoyed and controlled when I saw the car. I glared at the house and I was thankful that Ben paid attention to the road and not me. As polite as I could I said my goodbye to him before I stormed into the house with grit teeth.

"Welcome back, how was school?" He asked me as soon as I walked over the threshold.

I was just about to explode on him when I saw the concern swimming in his eyes as he gazed at me. The anger I felt washed away.

"I survived." I gave him a tight smile and he nodded.

Guess I couldn't blame him for caring and wasn't that a good thing?

Charlie was home with me for the next three days as well, only working when I was at school. It wasn't that bad he was nice and he tried. As annoying as he could be I couldn't help but to like him a tiny bit.

Edward would come every night into the room I was staying in and would continue to tell me about his life. I never said a word to him when he was there while he was telling me about himself.

I never said a word not even to throw him out.

His voice was broken and filled with a myriad of emotions as he told me about the events in his long life that shaped him, made him who he had become.

One night I made the mistake to look at him as he talked to me and when I saw his broken expression it stirred a feeling of protectiveness inside of me. In that moment I wanted to reach out and hug him, tell him everything was going to be alright.

And in exact the same moment I knew I was in dangerous territory what made me irritated with myself and him.

The weekend passed event free though I overheard a phone call that Charlie had with Billy and apparently Billy wanted to get Charlie and me to visit La Push but Charlie told him that he didn't want to overwhelm me.

Up until the phone call I had completely forgotten that there was another supernatural creature that was also in love with that family stealing witch needless to say my mood turned very sour at the prospect to have to deal with Jake as well in the foreseeable future.

On Monday morning Charlie watched me the entire time while I was busying myself in the kitchen.

"What?" I asked him when I couldn't stand it anymore.

"You are OK?" He asked and I sighed.

"Yes, Charlie I am fine. I'm touched that you worry so much but I'm really OK."

He nodded and slipped on his coffee.

After school as the police car was not in the driveway. The house was empty only a piece of paper was there to greet me. It was kind of strange to come to an empty house. I kind of got used to Charlie being there.

Looking down at the note I saw that he be back around six o'clock.

I smiled at the note and called out for Edward not wanting to waste any more time. I had been burning to be able to give him a piece of my mind and I had to do it now because I was never able to hold a grudge or stay angry at anyone longer than a few hours. I was still amazed with myself that I managed to be pissed at Edward for that long.

Though I had to admit that Isabella Swan was an entirely different story.

He entered the living room of Charlie Swan's house looking fearful, nervous and clueless. Alice must not have given him any warning as to what to expect.

"Hello," He offered me with a tight smile on his lips.

I raised an eyebrow at him and only nodded my head. I couldn't forgo the manners that my mom taught me no matter how hurt,…..confused?...and angry I felt.

"Sit," I pointed at the couch while I stood opposite of it.

Edward glanced at the couch briefly before his eyes went back to me. He bowed his head and made to sit down as I ordered him to. Once he was seated he licked his lips nervously and his hand waved hard through his devilish thick brown hair.

"I would like to make some things clear." I began while I worked every hard to keep my anger at bay to let this meeting be a productive one.

There were a few things I needed to get across.

"I can't even begin to describe how angry I am at you…"

"I know leaving you has been the…." He cut in trying to appease me but I wasn't having any of that.

"That's not what I'm talking about!" I shouted at him as my emotions overwhelmed me.

He looked confused.

"But?"

"Like I told you about a million times before I'm not her. You didn't leave me because it wasn't me but that stupid Bella person. I only arrived in this world about a day before you decided to kill yourself. Idiot!" I hissed at him while my body trembled with rage.

He let out a huge gust of air looking annoyed at me.

"Do you think I like it to have to repeat myself over and over?"

I saw his jaw clench and unclench as he tried to keep his temper at bay before his expression turned into an anguished mask again.

"Back to the topic at hand." I announced after I also had a little control over myself again.

"The reason why I'm angry at you is because….honestly what the hell have you been thinking? That's really what I would like to know." He looked completely lost and confused. His reaction made my anger flare even more.

He didn't even know what he done wrong!

"How dare you decide over my life like I'm your possession or your toy or something?" I spat at him.

His brows contracted while he gazed utterly lost at me.

I shook my head at him glaring hard at him.

"When Aro told you that fulfilling the rules would save me you didn't even think about consulting me about my opinion you just decided on my behalf. Who the hell do you think you are? What right do you have to place me under disability just because you feel like it?"

"He wanted to kill you." He defended himself looking with worry at me.

"He offered me a choice death or becoming a Vampire…."

"That's not a choice!" Edward exclaimed a little louder.

"Whatever, it was my choice as limited as it was and you had absolutely no right to take that away from me." I shouted at him in my rage.

"I was trying to save you." He whispered.

"No, you were controlling me like you had been doing with that stupid Bella all of the time. The difference between her and me is, well aside that she is a thoughtless, ice cold, mean family stealing witch, that I have absolutely not problem calling you on your crap."

"I'm not saying that what let to your suicide attempt was all your fault because she had her part in it too. Her insecurities and self-doubt and her inability to see behind your predatory trails, your beauty, also done it's part."

"Everything I did was because…"

"Oh no you will not say that it was the most selfless thing you could have done to remove yourself out of her life because that is simple the greatest lie of all!"

"Do you think that it had been easy for me?" His jaw was clenched shut as his eyes fixed a hard stare on me.

"What does that matter you took the easy way out?" I crossed my arms over my chest and looked contemptuous down at him.

"The easy way out?" His voice was incredulous as he repeated my words.

"Yes, you heard me it was easier for you to leave her then to deal with your guilt and self-loathing. Because your guilt and self-loathing are more important to you then her that is why you left her."

"That's not true." Edward jumped up glaring furiously at me while a growl ripped from his throat.

"Oh, struck a nerve?" I taunted him.

"You don't know what you are talking about." He told me dismissively aiming to end our conversation here.

"And there is another of your failures. Just because someone is not your opinion you are trying to make that person feel stupid for their thoughts and opinion. Edward Cullen is right and everyone else is wrong, right?" I spat at him in disgust.

"I know what I'm talking about but you are young and you have no idea what you are talking about." He insisted forcefully.

"I am my own person," I shouted at him while the desire to strangle him was unbearably strong, "an individual and just in case you don't know what an individual is use a dictionary. Every creature is different has different likes and dislikes, wants, desires, opinions on life and love and what they want from life and what happiness is and how to find it. Just because you are not happy to be a Vampire does not mean that everyone else is also struggling with the same problems."

He huffed and shook his head furiously while he wore an outraged expression on his face.

"You can call yourself a monster how many times you want and insist that you have no soul but I hope for your own good that you know that you are lying to yourself."

His head snapped up and he looked confused and angry at me.

"How do you define what a soul is?"

"What?" He barked irritated.

"In many believes the soul is integral or essential to consciousness and personality. Synonymous for soul are spirit, mind or self. If you wouldn't have a sould you wouldn't be you but only a organism with basic instinct to survive. You wouldn't be able to feel love, joy, happiness, pain, regret, hate…..you would feel nothing."

Edward just stubbornly starred at me not saying a word.

"If you really would be such a monster you wouldn't have held back and killed Bella the first time you smelled her blood but you didn't. Why do you think that is?"

"Because I don't want to be a monster." He bit out.

"And do you think a monster would have second thoughts, doubts, regrets?"

Edward opened his mouth to say something but closed it again shaking his head in denial.

"Anyway up to the next point." I was fed up with him.

If he wanted to be a stupid Netherlander….

"What was wrong with the relationship you had with her compared to the ones of your family members or Ben and Angela for example?"

"They are all the same spices?" He snorted darkly.

I could only shake my head sadly at him.

"No, while they have all a balanced adult relationship with their partners you were having a parent child relationship with her. You acted as her guardian, her parent not her boyfriend."

"I had to watch out and protect her." He threw in.

"Like a father over his daughter because that was how you have been behaving in tense situations. You weren't her partner you were her father."

He wanted to argue but I cut him off.

"I'm not interested in your excuses or anything you have to say really. I just want to let you know what I think." I told him before I went on not giving him the opportunity to speak.

"Just because you can read minds you think you know it all but let me tell you, you don't." I shouted him.

"You were behaving like a tyrant trying to force something one someone who didn't want it."

"I just wanted what's best…"

"Again who are you to tell what's best for someone else? You act like some of the parents that are trying to force their dreams that they couldn't accomplish on their children not caring what they want."

"No," he shook his head furiously.

"Yes, you do just because you want to be human and can't you were trying to force her to staying human even though she had a choice and decided what she wanted in life. Just because it was not agreeing with you, you had been behaving like a jerk."

"How dare you just make such life alerting decisions for someone else and then on the top of that forcing them into something you know very well they don't want? Just because you are uncomfortable with what they want!"

"And you know what the madness about all of this is? ….You secretly wanted her to become like you so you wouldn't lose her and that was what made you run away. Jasper's slip up showed you how fast you could get what you wanted."

I lost Edward there.

"You are sabotaging your own happiness all along and the great threat was not her death but you getting what you secretly wanted and feeling unworthy of it."

"Either that or she wasn't the one after all. What would explain your stubborn behaviour and doubts."

Alright that didn't belong here. My subconscious warned. In my fury I was getting off track.

"You are overprotecting, overbearing and a control freak and on the top of that you are an immature, spoilt brat." The words were breaking uncontrollably out of me as I was talking myself into a hot rage.

"You have a family who loves you and cares about you but you just regard that as a given."

"You over think things but you don't see what is right in front of you nor do you take other peoples opinions in consideration. What Edward Cullen doesn't approve of it automatically wrong?" I exclaimed in a sarcastic voice.

"Do you really think you are the only one who has to deal with loss? Who has to deal with the crap that life threw at you?"

I started pacing.

"In most cases people don't get what they want but they make the best of what they have or they complain about it constantly choosing to see everything in a negative light."

"You feel guilty about all those murders you committed back then, undeserving of happiness because of it, wanting forgiveness, searching for it but you are completely blind to the fact that you had been forgiven by the people that matter the most."

"You make mistakes but you do not learn out of them."

"You are ignorant and arrogant. Once a stupid idea settles in your mind there is no swaying you no matter how wrong you are."

"You don't listen to reason and you have no idea how to act in a relationship." I pumped myself up so much I was breathing hard while blood shot through my ears.

"Tell me when you say "I love you" what meaning does that have for you?" I stared at him daring him not to answer me.

"When I told you," I glared at him and growled under my breath, "When I told Bella that I loved her I meant that she was the most important thing in my world and that her safety was what was most important to me. That I would always keep her safe."

"Even if that "keeping her safe" cost her, her happiness and was hurting her?"

He looked at me utterly shocked and anguished not knowing what to say.

"Forcing something on someone even when you think that it's what's best for that person isn't anything good Edward. Every one, every single person is different and had different needs and desires."

"God you are so stupid and patronising. Humans tend to forget quickly. You do not even make the effort to see any one as an individual. For you one person is like the other."

I shook my head in fury, irritation and sadness. There was really all hope lost with him.

"And that family stealing witch that idiot couldn't even think straight when she saw you. How superficial is that to be hung up on a guy just because of his looks."

"All she was ever going on about is how beautiful you look." I rolled my eyes in disgust remembering having read those words over and over again through the books.

He looked entirely shocked at my words.

"Bella," her name fell in a whisper from his mouth.

"I'm Anna you knucklehead!" I yelled at him as fury was pushing through my veins.

"You are over one hundred yours old it's time you grow up and grow some balls. Really, why do I even waste my breath?"

While I was hissing at him he only starred at me with wide open eyes as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, what was happening.

Fear and desperation were suddenly swimming in his honey depths replacing all the anger and stubbornness from a few seconds ago.

"That is it then," his voice broke, his shoulders were hunched. His broken and lost frame stood a few feet away from me.

He looked so fragile then as if a gust of wind could shatter him into a million pieces. Pain and anguish that were ruling his eyes and his entire body. He looked so miserable it almost made me regret what I told him. Almost!

I exhaled loudly and shook my head before looking up at his devastated expression. I walked over to him stopping just an inch away from his.

"If you want to be a coward then be my guest I do not bother with immature, insecure, little brats. I'm a woman and I need a man who knows who he is, is comfortable in his own skin and is able to keep up with me."

"Maybe that family stealing witch was into your pathetic ass but I'm certainly not. I need a man who knows how to treat me right not a cowardly, arbitrary wimp."

I gave him one last glare before I went to walk up the stairs to the room I was staying in leaving him behind to deal with what I told him.

Once I settled on the bed I wondered why in the world I told him the last two sentences but then again I was so wound up that it just bubbled out of me without thinking.

After what I had thrown at him he surely would be running for the hills, to Alaska or maybe on the way to leave the county. I was sure of it.

I felt slightly guilty because he did look so crushed but I soon decided that he deserved what he got.

With the Vampires gone I wondered what I would do next. I had to find some way to get back home.

Jumping off the bed I switched the Macbook on and started my research on portals to other dimensions. Who knew maybe I would find something useful.