Chapter 18: Not Now, Not Ever

Jackie approached me with a news saying that she too had broken up with her boyfriend. We were both in an exhausted and depressed state. In that moment of shared vulnerability, we exchanged insights and perspectives on our respective situations. Talking with Jackie again was a bittersweet reminder of her endearing curiosity and knack for spot-on impersonations. It reminded me about what fate wants us to be. Was Melisandre the inevitable lesson I had to learn to be a better version of myself? As a result, I would be a better person for Jackie?

As Jackie's presence continued to spin my thoughts, I resolved that any potential future with her would need time and space. I am still in the process of healing and rediscovering. Not now, but I will. One day.

Days passed swiftly, and amidst a video shoot for a project in a picturesque green field near my home, Jackie introduced us to Byron, her newfound admirer. I couldn't help but feel bewildered and speechless at the suddenness of it all. However, I maintained a deep respect for Byron's straightforward approach—he knew what he wanted and was unafraid to pursue it.

During a break in filming, Jackie pulled me aside to a quiet corner and whispered a request that shook me to my core. "Hey Simon, can you go along with my plan? I told Byron that you used to be my crush. It's just to make him a little jealous." Her words hit me like a plunge from a great height without a parachute. I understood her intentions were harmless, merely an attempt to pique Byron's interest. Yet, the emotional impact was profound. To hear that the girl I cared for, still saw me as someone to manipulate for someone else's benefit—it was a brutal blow to my already fragile state.

I managed a smile in response, but inside, turmoil brewed. It was the most emotionally devastating moment I had ever experienced with my crush. The weight of realization settled heavily upon me—that I was still entangled in emotions for Jackie, while she saw me as a pawn in her romantic strategy. The pain cut deep, stirring up a storm of conflicting emotions that left me reeling and questioning the complexities of our friendship and my own vulnerabilities.