Hope in dispair

Lasya was devastated by the feeling of getting raped by the love of her life. No one knew about it. She couldn't able to talk about it to anyone. She was destroyed to the core. The only thing on her mind was death.

She wanted to die so badly but she knew she can't die. She was depressed and now she knew that she is in depression. But she didn't know she had developed insomnia, social anxiety as well as hallucinations.

She stopped studying. All she was used to do, is watch anime or foreign tv shows. She stopped listening to songs from her country. She started to loathe them. She used to study before exams or else she won't even look at books.

Only a few words of Sanket were repeating in her mind. 'Because you are slut no one will approach you for marriage they will approach you for sex.' She started to hallucinate that people are watching her continuously with lustful eyes.

She started to receive Sanket's emails.

From Sanket to Lasya"Lasya please meet me one last time I won't ask you to meet me again."

Lasya's reply to Sanket"Stop sending me emails or else I will seek legal help."

From Sanket to Lasya"I am telling you with love so talk with me with love. Why are you talking so rudely? If you want to leave me so badly give me back all the money which I have spent on you all these years. I want 8 Lakh to give me and leave. If you don't have money, give me sex. Or how about I give you an offer, give me sex without feelings and I won't come between your marriage"

From Sanket to Lasya"Hey slut why are you not replying to me. Have you forgotten about your videos? How about I sell them and get my money back? You better come to meet me and if you are planning to seek legal help do as you, please. They are going to see your videos anyway."

From Sanket to Lasya"I am telling you last time to come back to me or else you can't imagine what will happen. You made me spend lotta money on you and now you don't even want to return it nor want to give me sex? You are slut but you are a gold digger too. I didn't even know that."

Lasya read all his emails and started to laugh. "Gold digger? Seriously Sanket! Couldn't you able to think about something else? All the money you spent was not on me was on hotel rooms and you got sex in return. And about gifts, if you talk, I did a lot too. I even made you gifts with my hands with a lot of love", Lasya muttered under her breath.

Eventually, she blocked his email id but his emails used to pile up in the spam mail.

She thought she will handle this shit on her own but to her surprise after her final semester exam, her mother received a video with messages. It was from Sanket. The message says, "See Aunty what your child does in the name of going to college and going out with friends."

Her mother was devastated by seeing a video of her daughter having sex with someone whose face is not even in the video."Lasya, can you come downstairs?" her mother yelled from the living room. Lasya came down hurriedly. "Yes Mom?", she asked her why she called her downstairs.Her mother told her about the video. Lasya was a crying mess. She didn't know how to face her mother anymore. All she wanted is to die. She didn't want to live anymore. She couldn't able to say anything. She only nodded when her mother asked her if all of this is true or not.

"But how many times have I told you to never cross the line", her mother stated and sigh. "Tell me one thing Lasya. When did you realize he is the wrong guy for you?", she asked her."When I was in the first year", Lasya replied in a low voice. "Then why?", her mother rose her voice a bit due to frustration. But soon she lowers it down and continued. "Why did you wait for years to break up with him?""Because I thought he will change", Lasya nearly whispered while trying to contain her cries inside. "Do you have a number of his family member?", she asked her calmly as Lasya started to cry rivers.

Lasya gave her the number of his sister and she gave her the number of their mother. Lasya's mother talked with his mother and told her everything that his boy did to her all these years.For Lasya's luck, her mother was from her side. But because of that Sanket started to tell Lasya's friends that Lasya is a good slut just use her and leave her. She won't come to you even after that. You don't need to take care of her.Her friends used to tell her whenever they received any message from him. It broke her heart more. Once she told Advika that she broke up with him and every single friend congratulated her.

As time was passing Lasya started to stay more depressed. She grew her bangs long as her mother started to loathe her look with Korean bangs. It always reminds her about that video so she told her to change her hairstyle. Lasya cut her hair short once again. Now she had shoulder-length heirs. Sometimes she missed her long heirs but she never regretted the design of cutting her hair short.Sanket's father took responsibility and gave word to Lasya and her parents that he will never approach her again. Lasya's father didn't even say a word about this when he got to know about it. But he started to show more love to his daughter.

Lasya's only goal now was survival. She knew that she shouldn't have kept quiet for years. She shouldn't have accepted all the abuse and harassment. But things have already happened.

Due to Lasya's mental condition, her mother decided to take her to the hospital and after a month Lasya agreed to go. Her doctor was really friendly. He asked her to write down her thoughts as much as she can. With the help of medications, Lasya started to sleep at night.

After fifteen days say went to the hospital with things she had written down."How are you feeling these days dear", her doctor asked her sweetly. "Better but I still have those hallucinations. I start to breathe fast when I am shocked or afraid. I can't walk in crowded places I just get frozen on the spot", Lasya replied honestly.Her doctor wrote her medication. "Have you written anything recently?" he asked so he can get to know her mental state."Yes! I did", Lasya exclaimed with excitement. She was dying to show her artwork to someone.

Dream

I can fib and no one will discoverWhat's residing in my shattered soulThe one that gave rise to a crack in my soulInquired me if I am cheerful or notIt doesn't matter anymoreCause I know who I amIt's awful that I also began to look down on myselfAll confidence in me just vanished in thin airWhat remains in me is somebody without hopeI never guessed my childless will wreck my glorious ambitionBut reluctant I am not giving up just like my idolsI believe one day I will fulfil my dreamCause I believe I can achieve itI can achieve it

It's a good sign that she is finding a reason to live. Still, someone has to keep an eye on her I guess, her doctor thought as he read her poem.

Sea

Alone at the beach but I didn't feel aloneAm I really at the beach? Or I am just lying on the bed I wonderFootprints on the sand fade away as I walk some distanceLike wind was trying to cover every piece of evidenceThe evening sun began to dye the skyWith the changing sky, the sea began to change its hueI sat on the damp sand to see the viewWeaves were brushing my feet with a tickling sensationTears were streaming cause of overwhelming emotionsI started to question myself is it the sea or my overwhelmed heartCause it holds my big-time memories which makes me vulnerableThough there was a cold breeze still t felt like dessertWhile Seating at the ocean of memories that I miss the mostVoices in my head were getting louder and louderAs I kept remembering that careless gigglesPictures in my head were so clear n lovableThat made me wonder, Am I being chased by these memories with every wave?As it brings back new memory, which I want to live againIs this sea or desert? Is this hope or despair?Is this real or fake? Is this the image that haunts me every day?I know I know My hardshipI know I know I can overcome itSometimes tied can be low sometimes can be highIt didn't mean desert or despairIt was a Sea full of hope and love

And this poem shows that she is trying to find hope in her life again. I bet she will be all good in no time, he thought and gave her phone back to her again."Can I ask you to write a song on your journey of fighting against depression?", the doctor asked her calmly. " I will ask staff to put it on the board outside so others can read it too," he stated."Why not I would love to write a song and help others to fight depression", she exclaimed and smiled happily.