Between worlds the secret of the void

Overall, I will have to apologize profusely to the author. When I see a new author just beginning to write, I want to be kind, gentle, and encouraging. Sadly, I absolutely feel it would be a disservice to do that after reading this, and I hope the author can understand my harshness. The Good: We have a potentially interesting world, potentially interesting characters, and I'm a sucker for good sci-fi... The Bad: Firstly, using the name then the tone or action while speaking followed by a colon and then the text makes this read like a script. Instead of doing something like 'Rosvaldo (nervously): "I need help."' try to something as simple as '"I need help," Rosvaldo said nervously.' That's not a great example, but you can elaborate on it more if you want a specific action by Rosvaldo to show that he is nervous, for example: 'Rosvaldo's lips twitched nervously as he said, "I need help."' The world here looks very interesting! We have spaceships, space colonies, aliens, and superpowers! This is all implied though as we aren't given any information about these sorts of things. For example, in chapter 3, Zugiy is told he will be piloting their ship after they just finished taking a test to even get into the military and he seems to have no trouble doing so. Where did he learn to fly? What is the world like around them? They seem to have superpowers, but we are not even shown that the world has those sorts of things, just that Zugiy can suddenly lift luggage with them. If this was a known character in a known universe like a Marvel or DC superhero, this would be fine as it would be preexisting knowledge, but we don't know anything about this world. What are the characters like? What do they even look like? We know that Zugiy has black hair with white tips and eyes that match somehow, but that's it. Is Grux an alien? If so, what does he look like? (I'm also assuming Grux is male since it just sounds masculine, but I could be wrong.) Having aliens is great, but tell us what they look like since otherwise, we're going to fill in the blanks on our own, and it might not be what was intended. The Neutral: I like this setting, but I need to know more about the characters and the world. Zugiy is the MC, right? He doesn't feel like the MC, it feels like this has an ensemble of leads since it doesn't seem to focus primarily on Zugiy. Does the story fall apart if you take Zugiy out of it? Can Zugiy get replaced by another character? A main character should be irreplaceable in your story. And how the heck do you pronounce Zugiy? Was a translator app used to translate this? It feels very mechanical. It is grammatically correct, though. I do not mean anything personal against your ability as an author, but I want to help you try and develop yourself. Do not stop writing, and if you get a chance, go back and read everything you can with the mindset of the reader. Remember, we don't know everything inherently like the author and can only source what the author gives us.