Shooting my shot

Xui Xiang***

I was about doing it. The thing. I didn't know what to call it yet. But I had to check what the wetness was. Though I was sure it wasn't that time of the month, I still had to check.

Memories of a few weeks ago flooded my memory. A very mortifying incident. I had felt the wetness below while I was sitting in the garden and although I had thought it to be strange cause I didn't do any skin grazing, wasn't even in the mood for it, I ran into my room, locking the door and proceeded to feel the core. 

Though the wetness was unusually much, I continued, and when I had reached my peak of pleasure removed my hands only to discover they were covered in blood. I looked down at my core and it was covered in blood as well. I was dying, or so I thought.

I screamed and screamed and screamed till I had everyone in the house running towards me. 

My Pa was the first one I saw when I opened the door. Dramatic as fuck, I fell to the ground, rolling.

"Pa, I'm dying! Call the doctor! Call him now!" The words erupted from me, my tears flooding my eyes.

"What's the problem child? Speak!" My Pa roared impatiently, and when I opened my gown to show him. He immediately looked away, a look of embarrassment and disgust clouding his face. 

I knew as a girl, that a man wasn't meant to see or touch down there, but including your dad? We'll now I know that it includes him, but as of then, when my Ma hadn't given me "the woman talk" I didn't know. I wondered why my Pa would feel embarrassed while I was passing away.

My face flushed with pinkness as I remembered the incident. How I thought "Is this the last look my Pa would give me before I leave this world? A look of disgust"

When my Ma gave me the talk later on, she too had a look of disgust and embarrassment on her face, and I thought this might just be their normal facial expression. 

It wasn't blood, okay, I was good to go. This thing was tricky, most times you touched a spot, and instead of you to feel pleasure, you felt pain. But I was getting the hang of it. Never put it inside, your fingers, just slightly rub on it, hearing the splat sounds. Most times I called the names of people I was fantasizing about, and most times I said things I couldn't understand, or noises I didn't know I could make, like the squeaking of a rat. 

I had forgotten to lock the door, not that it was necessary, the maids always knocked before entering, and Ma and Pa never ever came to my room. Or they rarely did. 

So when the door flew open, I didn't know, my eyes were tight shot. Whenever I was teaching my peak, my screams slightly increased. I was about to let out that scream, but it wasn't mine that filled my ears.

It was Ma's! 

I opened my eyes to see my Ma, her face was beyond deformed. She clutched at her chest, still screaming, I didn't want her to alert Pa, so I hurried to close the door. Better to deal with one at a time. 

She sat down on a chair beside my bed, I didn't think she could get herself to look at me. 

But she did. Her breath was shaky, and so was her voice. If you had seen my Ma, you would have thought she had seen a ghost! But I think it would have been better for her if she did, rather than what she saw.

Was I embarrassed? Hell Yes! But I was already used to being a shame to them, this was just another addition to my list. 

"I came to inform you that the seamstress is waiting for you downstairs," why didn't she just send the maids I thought, and as if hearing my thoughts, she added, "The maids had all gone to wash the halls and decorate it, I had to come to inform you myself." 

"Oh," that was the only thing I could bring myself to say. 

I expected her to say much, or at least give me a lecture but with that, the information about the seamstress, she left the room. I sank back in the bed, took my pillow, and you already know what I did with it. 

Coming down, I met the seamstress, and someone else! But that couldn't be, could it? Was I imagining things? 

There, Mei Ling sat, her glow filling up the room with so much warmth. Feeling my heart with so much warmth, my tummy fluttered with butterflies. But I knew it wasn't just butterflies of love, the butterflies of hunger were also at work, growling. 

My heart raced as I walked closer. This time I was going to get the conversation right. Right! 

"Good afternoon Āyí (Aunty) Feng, afternoon Mei." The Mei came out cracked, I cleared my throat. 

"Yes my dear, now come along, we need to get those measurements just right. Mei would be getting the same measurements. Met her on the way and told her to come over here so I could get two jobs done at the same it." 

Why was she telling me all this, I didn't know. But I knew one thing. I was more than delighted to spend the rest of the time beside Mei. 

Seeing her up close, under the normal glaze of sunlight was divine. At the party, the golden bulbs made everyone look glittery, but I knew hers was genuine. 

I remembered what I had done with her in my head and my throat went dry. What if she was able to read my thoughts? I know that isn't real, but what if!? I took in deep long breaths.

"Are you okay?" It was Mei, with her soft delicate hands, she touched my shoulders. And suddenly I didn't want to move at all, I wanted that hand placed on me for the rest of my life! 

"Y..yes, just a little bit tensed." You're doing this Xui, form that bond! I cheered myself.