Shattered illusion

Xui Xiang***

"You seem to be sweating a lot for a chilly day," she said smiling slightly. That's it Mei, smile am for me, smile at me. I was getting too excited, getting my hopes high. That was my problem. Always! And when it gets broken, I mean my heart, because I've kept it so high, it comes crashing down in a very painful and loud way. But it didn't still stop me from getting my hopes high. 

I could already imagine, Mei and I, walking down the stairs on my Ji Li, we would be the envy of everyone, our smiles capturing everyone. Yes! I was going to ask her to be my date. 

My heart skipped a beat as I mustered up the courage to ask her to be my date. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak, but at that same moment, I saw my Ma approaching. What the fuck? Why was this woman suddenly so interested in my business? 

Mei thought I was sweaty right? Wait until she sees me now. I could literally feel the buds of sweating soaking the underarms of my clothes. I remembered the unfortunate incident my Ma had seen earlier. The sweat encroached on my face. I tried acting calm, but the raging beats of my heart weren't letting me. 

My Ma's gaze lingered on me, then on Mei, and then on me. She was no novice and I was sure she kind of understood the situation. Or not. Cause there wasn't any situation yet. I hadn't asked Mei yet and I didn't know if she liked me back. So there was no situation. Yet. But not to my Ma. I pinched myself, wishing I was hallucinating her here. I knew the extent my Ma could go, especially when it was something she so hated. Something or someone like me. 

When she had reached close, we all bowed to show respect. I made sure mine wasn't as low as there's. It showed I had a sense of familiarity with her than the others. And though I hadn't gone so low, I felt blood rush to my head. I held the sides of my clothes for support as I steadied myself.

"Are you really sure you are okay Xui? You look rather…uhm… unwell." It was Mei again. God! She was so concerned. I was sure deep down in that heart of hers, there was a place I was slowly taking. If my Ma wasn't here, I would have taken her hands, bringing them, so she could feel my head, my neck, my body, telling her "See, I'm alright." Then embracing her in a tight hug, filling my lungs with her flowery…

"Xui!" What now Ma! I can't stare in peace? I knew I was staring for too long, but was it a crime? I couldn't outwardly love, and I couldn't even inwardly live in peace!

I wasn't going to retaliate, I hadn't done that to my Ma in front of her face, and definitely not now, in front of my Mei. I took in a long breath. 

Immediately after the seamstress was done with my measurements, she went to do Mei's. Ma was still there. I wondered what was going through that brain of hers. Probably how ugly I was compared to Mei. 

I sat down, waiting for the next order from either the seamstress or my Ma, or at least be given a little time to be with Mei. 

I waited and waited for minutes, and soon I heard the clattering and giggles of people. It sounded so familiar. What?

Suddenly, my house became the meet-up zone for these girls who had never glanced my way. Xui, calm, steady breaths, there are just girls you've crushed on, nothing much. Nothing much? 

As if reading my thoughts as to why they had all come here, my Ma began to talk. 

"Thank you all for honoring my invitation, the dance practice will begin as soon as…"

How did my Ma do this? This, where she acts and it shows just a few minutes after she has planned something. It was barely a few hours after my Pa told me about my JiLi, and now, we're about to learn the dance. With all these girls? Even Mei? Well, at least I was going to be close to her. 

After the announcement she left. The other girls were still discussing, it was just Mei and I that wasn't in the group convo. I needed to act quickly before Ma returned. 

"Mei, hehe" Why the fuck was I laughing, lord help me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. 

"What are your hobbies?" Mei asked, and since no one had ever asked me such a question. I went blank, but this wasn't the time to do that, so I slightly shook my head, bringing me back to reality. What did I actually do for fun except fantasizing about my crush, now Mei?

"Fun huh? Hehe, uhm… Yh, Mei? Could you be my date to…"

Before I could even get myself to finish those words that had taken me almost a century to muster the courage to say, another girl, a little above our age, probably 18, came forward and blinded Mei from the back.

"Who's that?" She said laughing, and I wondered what was funny about something blinding you and cutting our conversation short. 

"Hua Lan? Hua? I knew I was right, she giggled once more before she did something that sent my heart crashing, breaking, just like my Ma's thick ceramic plate, Smash! Followed the tiny pieces scattering around. And not only did those tiny pieces of my ceramic heart scattered, but they also pricked my heart as I walked on them.

Mei and Hua tangled their tongues, sucking on them, I could see the mixture of saliva up close. Mei bit Hua's lips, it was the most sensual thing I had ever seen, and as if that wasn't enough, Hua sent her wide hands into Mei's cup area, grabbing her boobs as the pressure pushed some cleavage.