40

In the past few days, Cen Lingqiu noticed something off about Yu Mingjiao. She was no longer as clingy, or rather, she seemed to be angry about something. Her face was dark, her expression gloomy, and she deliberately avoided Cen Lingqiu's closeness.

The once soft and warm eyes that always looked at her were now filled with an inexplicable hatred.

But beyond this unfounded hatred, what Cen Lingqiu could sense most clearly was the deep sorrow in her gaze. There was hatred in her eyes, but also a profound sadness. The cold despair in Yu Mingjiao's eyes made it impossible for Cen Lingqiu to be angry.

She didn't understand what had happened to Yu Mingjiao so suddenly. Nothing had occurred to warrant this.

Today, Cen Lingqiu intended to drive her to work as usual, but Yu Mingjiao calmly refused.

"I'll go by myself."

"I'll take you," Cen Lingqiu said, grabbing her hand. "It's very windy and cold outside."

But Yu Mingjiao shook her off, gritting her teeth, glaring at her with hate, "I don't need you to."

Cen Lingqiu, pushed back a step, asked helplessly, "Jiao Jiao, what's wrong?"

Yu Mingjiao's lips turned white as she bit them, her eyes red as she stared at Cen Lingqiu without a word. She simply turned and headed for the door.

She moved quickly, as if trying to escape. In her haste, her wheelchair hit the edge of the sofa, and she fell to the floor.

Cen Lingqiu's eyes widened as she rushed forward. "Jiao Jiao!"

Just as she was about to touch her, Yu Mingjiao coldly said, "I told you not to worry about me!"

Her tone was sharp and cold, like ice hanging from a tree branch, forbidding anyone to come near.

Cen Lingqiu froze, watching as Yu Mingjiao struggled to get back into her wheelchair by herself. A task that should have been simple took her nearly ten minutes, leaving her slightly out of breath.

Throughout, she refused Cen Lingqiu's help.

Breathing heavily, her eyes still red, Yu Mingjiao glared at Cen Lingqiu before turning away and rolling out the door without looking back.

Cen Lingqiu stood there quietly, watching her leave. A vague sense of foreboding crept into her heart, accompanied by a dull ache that spread through her body.

She blinked away the stinging in her eyes, silently following Yu Mingjiao from a distance. Only after ensuring she arrived safely at the company did Cen Lingqiu leave.

In the evening, Cen Lingqiu waited outside Yu Mingjiao's company for her to finish work. Her phone buzzed with a message from Ning Jia, inviting her to dinner.

Cen Lingqiu declined.

Ning Jia was strange, unsettling, and Cen Lingqiu had no intention of deepening their acquaintance.

In winter, work usually ended early, so it wasn't long before Cen Lingqiu saw Yu Mingjiao leaving the building. She got out of the car and walked up to her.

"Get in the car."

Yu Mingjiao's expression was gloomy, and she said nothing.

Cen Lingqiu's tone was firm. "Listen to me. I'll be angry, Jiao Jiao."

Her words struck a nerve in Yu Mingjiao. Her eyelids twitched, and she silently wheeled herself toward the car.

Once inside, Yu Mingjiao stared out the window, not moving an inch, as if she was deliberately avoiding looking at Cen Lingqiu.

The air between them was thick with a suffocating silence.

Instead of heading home, Cen Lingqiu parked the car in a lot near a park, then unbuckled her seatbelt. "Let's take a walk."

Yu Mingjiao glanced around. It was the same seaside park they had visited before.

She didn't refuse.

At this hour, the park was bathed in the golden light of the setting sun, but the cold wind howled, and the warm tones did little to chase away the chill.

They stood by the railing, gazing out at the vast expanse of the sunset. The golden hues painted a dreamlike, desolate scene around them, distant from the bustling crowds.

Neither of them spoke first.

It wasn't that they had nothing to say; there was just too much to say, but the words wouldn't come.

The seaside wind was too cold. Cen Lingqiu kept her hands in her pockets, her peacock-blue coat accentuating her graceful figure. Her features were serene, her eyes reflecting the golden light of the sea, like a dream within a fog.

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" Cen Lingqiu finally broke the silence.

Yu Mingjiao's face was half-buried in her scarf, only her cold, dark eyes visible.

She said nothing.

Cen Lingqiu continued, "I wonder how many more times I'll get to see it."

Her tone was vague, casual yet pointed.

Yu Mingjiao's eyes suddenly darkened, her fingers curling tightly.

"What are you trying to say?"

She finally spoke.

Cen Lingqiu shrugged, her voice calm. "Nothing in particular. I just think the sunset is beautiful, that's all."

"If you think it's beautiful, you can always come here in the future," Yu Mingjiao said, her voice strained, trying to maintain a semblance of calm, though the sob in her throat was evident. "Why do you sound so regretful?"

Cen Lingqiu lowered her head and laughed softly, the emotion in it unclear.

"Jiao Jiao, do you really not know what I'm trying to say?"

"I don't know."

Yu Mingjiao was as stubborn and unreasonable as a child. "Why should I know?"

"If you don't tell me, how would I know?"

Cen Lingqiu laughed helplessly at this circular argument. "If I tell you, will you listen?"

Yu Mingjiao's long hair blew in the wind, hiding her expression.

"Don't tell me."

She lowered her eyes, her long lashes shadowing the wetness in her gaze. Her words were sharp yet pitiful.

"I don't want to know. I won't listen."

"Why are you acting like a child?" Cen Lingqiu gently patted her head, looking down at her sorrowful expression. "Are you going to be unreasonable now?"

Her soft, calm voice was like the sea, carrying a hint of bitter coolness.

The anger in Yu Mingjiao's heart surged again, and she petulantly pushed Cen Lingqiu's hand away.

Just as Cen Lingqiu was about to speak again, someone called her name.

"Lin Qiu."

Ning Jia approached them, smiling. "You're taking a walk in this park too? What a coincidence."

Cen Lingqiu glanced at her, frowning. "What are you doing here?"

Ning Jia seemed to have a knack for running into her, almost as if... she was following her on purpose.

Ning Jia laughed twice and linked arms with her. "This park is famous. I haven't been here in a long time, so I came for a walk."

Ning Jia was wearing makeup today, but it couldn't hide the sickly pallor of her face. In just a few short days, she seemed to have lost even more weight. Although she was smiling, her gaunt figure and deathly appearance made her look eerie and strange.

Cen Lingqiu subtly pulled her arm free. "Is that so?"

"Yes." Ning Jia gazed at the water, her voice laced with ambiguity. "For some reason, I'm afraid of water now. Lin Qiu, do you think I'm traumatized?"

Cen Lingqiu remained silent.

Ning Jia's eyes crinkled with a smile. "I'm just kidding."

Cen Lingqiu wasn't in the mood to chat. She wanted to take Yu Mingjiao home to talk, but Ning Jia blocked her way, continually finding topics to discuss.

Topics that made little sense to Cen Lingqiu.

"Lin Qiu, do you think people can forget the mistakes they've made?"

"..."

"But how can someone forget? Wouldn't that be too unfair to others?"

Cen Lingqiu sensed a hidden meaning in her words and calmly asked, "Are you asking if I've forgotten something?"

Ning Jia positioned herself between Cen Lingqiu and Yu Mingjiao, laughing at the question. "No, I'm just chatting. Why, Lin Qiu, do you think you've forgotten something?"

Cen Lingqiu responded vaguely, "Too much has happened. I can't remember everything."

Ning Jia's smile grew even wider. "I was just talking. No need to be so tense."

The more she laughed, the more fake her expression became.

"Mind if I smoke?" Ning Jia suddenly asked.

"Go ahead." Cen Lingqiu took a step forward, trying to get to Yu Mingjiao.

"Don't be in such a hurry to leave." Ning Jia grabbed Cen Lingqiu's hand with one hand while rummaging through her pocket for a cigarette with the other. In the process, her phone slipped out and fell to the ground.

Ning Jia picked it up, accidentally brushing the screen, which lit up. Cen Lingqiu glanced at it casually and caught a glimpse of her lock screen. It was a photo of two women leaning against each other. Ning Jia's face was clear, but the other woman's face was both unfamiliar and vaguely familiar.

Their intimate posture didn't seem like something between ordinary friends.

Since Ning Jia had arrived, Yu Mingjiao had been like a forgotten figure, left behind by the two women. Neither of them had spared her a glance.

She sat in her wheelchair, silent and brooding, her hands tightly gripping the armrests, her eyes cold.

She hated being ignored.

She hated anyone getting close to Cen Lingqiu.

She wanted to possess Cen Lingqiu completely.

But it felt like Cen Lingqiu wasn't truly hers. She might not care for her as much as she thought. She might even leave her.

She couldn't bear it.

How could she get Cen Lingqiu's full attention and stop her from thinking about leaving?

What should she do?

If there was a way, she would do anything.

Suddenly, Yu Mingjiao recalled something. In her memory, the moments when she had fully captured Cen Lingqiu's attention were always when she was hurt.

Only then could she feel Cen Lingqiu's concern.

Only in those moments could she see Cen Lingqiu's emotions waver.

And only in those moments did Yu Mingjiao feel that she was important to Cen Lingqiu.

So, if she got hurt, Cen Lingqiu would feel distressed, wouldn't she?

And if she was distressed, maybe she wouldn't leave.

Yu Mingjiao thought naively and twistedly.

She was crazy, acting on her impulses.

So, just as Cen Lingqiu glanced at Ning Jia's phone and was about to move past her to reach Yu Mingjiao, she saw Yu Mingjiao's wheelchair suddenly rolling down a nearby slope.

The slope wasn't particularly steep, but for someone like Yu Mingjiao, who was disabled, controlling the wheelchair was difficult. She lost control and kept going forward.

Bang—

Yu Mingjiao tumbled from her wheelchair, rolling quickly across the ground, her head hitting the edge of a decorative stone. She passed out.

Cen Lingqiu's heart nearly burst.

For a moment, she couldn't breathe.

Ning Jia watched indifferently, cigarette in mouth, as Cen Lingqiu frantically ran to Yu Mingjiao.

You can love someone like this too, can't you, Lin Qiu?

That's good.

The more you love someone, the more it hurts to lose them.

—

Yu Mingjiao's head injury wasn't severe, thanks to her hat and the fact that she had instinctively shielded her head with her hands when she fell. The injury only required a few stitches, and with proper rest and avoiding emotional stress, she would be fine.

Cen Lingqiu let out a sigh of relief, her tense body slowly relaxing. She sat in the hospital for a while, her legs weak, her body drained, unable to move.

The scene from earlier had almost scared her to death. Even now, her heart was still racing.

Thinking about it again, Cen Lingqiu covered her face, her back hunched over, feeling like she had been completely drained, left with only a soft, empty shell.

She bit her lip, her expression one of deep, stifling pain.

As people passed by, Cen Lingqiu covered her face, unable to stop the tears that flowed from her eyes.

She cried silently, her sobs muted and suppressed.

—

When Yu Mingjiao woke up, Cen Lingqiu was standing by her bedside. Seeing her awake, she asked calmly, "You're awake?"

"Does anything hurt?"

Yu Mingjiao touched her head, frowning. "My head hurts."

"You had five stitches. It's normal to feel pain." Cen Lingqiu handed her the medicine. "Take this."

Yu Mingjiao's head was wrapped in thick bandages, and her wrist was covered in various wounds that hurt with every movement.

She hissed softly in pain.

"Be careful." Cen Lingqiu's expression was calm as she brought the medicine to her mouth. "Open up."

Yu Mingjiao stared at Cen Lingqiu without blinking, obediently opening her mouth to take the medicine.

After she swallowed it, Cen Lingqiu said, "Rest well. I'm leaving now."

She turned to go, and Yu Mingjiao, panicking, grabbed her wrist. Cen Lingqiu turned back to look at her.

But Yu Mingjiao didn't get the response she had expected.

Cen Lingqiu's words and actions were calm, almost detached, unlike the caring concern Yu Mingjiao had imagined.

A baseless fear gripped Yu Mingjiao.

She stammered, "I'm in pain... Why... why won't you say more?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I..." Yu Mingjiao faltered.

"You're in pain?" Cen Lingqiu asked her.

Yu Mingjiao nodded.

Cen Lingqiu slowly pried Yu Mingjiao's hand from her wrist, her eyes devoid of any emotion. "Are you really in pain?"

As Yu Mingjiao's hand was gently pulled away, her unease deepened. She reached out again, but Cen Lingqiu evaded her grasp.

Yu Mingjiao froze.

Then she heard Cen Lingqiu's voice, tinged with cold resignation. "You say it hurts, so why do you keep doing things that cause pain?"

Yu Mingjiao felt as if ice water had been poured over her head, freezing her reason.

"I..." she mumbled, "I didn't..."

"You've been lying to me all along, Yu Mingjiao."

"Is lying to me so entertaining?"

She didn't call her Jiao Jiao anymore.

Cen Lingqiu wasn't ignorant. She had overheard Yu Mingjiao and He Hanzhou's conversation that day, and she knew Yu Mingjiao had deliberately caused herself to fall from the slope.

The slope was a bit far from her, and unless someone had pushed her, she wouldn't have fallen so easily. And she didn't believe Yu Mingjiao would be so foolish as to recklessly approach such a dangerous spot.

She was cautious and meticulous; she wouldn't do something like that.

Moreover, there was no reason for her to go to that slope. Cen Lingqiu was right there, so why walk forward?

It was deliberate.

Given her past self-destructive tendencies, Cen Lingqiu could only come to one conclusion.

Sure enough, Yu Mingjiao's face turned pale, her eyes vacant.

"No—" Yu Mingjiao tried to explain weakly, "Lin Qiu, no, I didn't... I wasn't deceiving you. I... I had my reasons. I wasn't playing with you..."

Cen Lingqiu's expression was filled with sadness and disappointment. "Yu Mingjiao, how could you? You know I hate seeing you hurt, yet you keep doing this. Do you think—"

She found it hard to continue, taking a deep breath before speaking again, "Do you think I don't feel pain?"

Cen Lingqiu felt a deep sense of anguish.

She was in pain because being in this world brought her pain.

She realized that her presence had pushed Yu Mingjiao into an even more extreme state. She knew about Yu Mingjiao's feelings for her and understood that she was intentionally hurting herself to gain her attention.

This realization exhausted Cen Lingqiu.

She did like Yu Mingjiao, without a doubt.

Yu Mingjiao was important to her, and she wanted her to be well, in every way.

But not like this—not as a madwoman using extreme methods to gain concern.

How much had Yu Mingjiao already suffered because of her? Cen Lingqiu didn't dare to think about it.

When you care for someone, you share their pain.

So she had suffered many times too.

And all this suffering stemmed from her, the true culprit. It was her presence that had unknowingly driven Yu Mingjiao to become this person.

She hadn't even left yet, and Yu Mingjiao was already so unhinged. What would happen when she finally did?

She might die.

Cen Lingqiu didn't want that kind of ending.

Countless suppressed thoughts weighed heavily on her: her reluctance to part from Yu Mingjiao, the inevitability of leaving this world, the certain separation ahead—each burden crushed Cen Lingqiu, making it hard to breathe.

And yet, she could solve none of these problems.

She had never felt so useless.

"Jiao Jiao." Cen Lingqiu stood before her, her expression numb. "Tell me, why did you do it?"

"Do you really want to know?"

Yu Mingjiao took a deep breath, her eyes locked on hers. "Because I don't want you to leave."

"I want you to stay with me forever!"

Her answer was like the final blow to Cen Lingqiu's hopes. Her heart sank, weighed down by a damp, heavy coldness.

"That's impossible, Jiao Jiao." Cen Lingqiu shook her head, her voice hollow. "I can't stay with you forever."

"Do you have to leave?"

"Yes, I must."

"Why?" Yu Mingjiao gritted her teeth, her eyes turning red as tears streamed down her face.

Cen Lingqiu remained silent.

But Yu Mingjiao had grown to despise her silence. Her nerves frayed, she clung desperately to Cen Lingqiu's hand, her voice tinged with a desperate cry.

"Why!"

"Lin Qiu, tell me why!" Her face was soaked in tears, her head wrapped in bandages, as she sat up in bed, gripping Cen Lingqiu's hand, her shoulders shaking, her eyes bloodshot.

"Why do you have to leave me?!"

"Aren't I important to you? Don't you care about me? I'm a useless cripple without legs. I'm good for nothing. I need you, Lin Qiu!"

Yu Mingjiao was extremely sensitive about her disabled legs, almost never mentioning them. To her, it was akin to tearing open a wound. Her pride was too strong to use her legs as leverage.

But now, to earn Cen Lingqiu's sympathy, she was willing to expose her deepest pain.

Cen Lingqiu closed her eyes tightly, her heart feeling like it was being sliced open by a blade.

"Jiao Jiao..." Cen Lingqiu's voice was choked, her expression one of despair. "Don't... talk like that."

Yu Mingjiao no longer cared about how she looked. She continued, "Don't you pity me?"

She looked at her with tear-filled eyes, her voice a low, pleading whimper. "Lin Qiu, don't you pity me?"

"Just pity me a little. I can't live without you. If you leave, I'll die."

She pressed her forehead against Cen Lingqiu's arm, her voice breaking with sobs. "I want to live... Lin Qiu, don't you want me to live?"

"Cen Lingqiu, I'm begging you, don't leave me."

"I admit defeat. Without you, I won't last long."

Her tearful voice was like a downpour, and Cen Lingqiu felt a coldness seep into her bones, making it impossible to move.

Cen Lingqiu didn't even have the strength to reach out and comfort her.

She had rarely felt such despair in her life. Her emotions were numb, even cold. On the surface, she seemed casual and calm, but deep down, she was still icy.

She didn't love anyone, nor did she hate anyone.

To her, people came and went like grass, meaningless and unimportant.

Long ago, while completing tasks, she would occasionally witness the protagonists experiencing heart-wrenching pain because of each other, to the point of death.

At that time, she couldn't understand. She couldn't comprehend why someone would suffer for another person.

Weren't humans inherently selfish?

But now she understood. She had felt it herself.

For the first time in her life, someone else's tears alone made her heart ache unbearably.

Loving someone is the beginning of pain.

Cen Lingqiu wanted to stay in this world more than anything. She didn't even want to be Cen Lingqiu; she wanted to be Lin Qiu.

Then she could stay in this world without question.

But that wasn't possible.

No one could remain in a mission world.

Cen Lingqiu suddenly regretted ever taking on this task.

"Say something, Lin Qiu." Yu Mingjiao grew increasingly frantic without a response, clutching at her clothes. "Don't ignore me, don't be silent. I hate your silence."

Cen Lingqiu looked up at the ceiling, trying to force back the tears in her eyes.

She opened her mouth, her misty gaze clouded with gray, but she couldn't bring herself to speak. Instead, she slowly shook her head.

In an instant, Yu Mingjiao seemed to lose all color, her expression freezing, her face drained of blood, her breath catching.

Cen Lingqiu didn't want to say anything more. It would only prolong their suffering.

"Rest and don't do this again," she said softly. "I can't always be there for you."

She turned and walked toward the door.

"Lin Qiu."

Yu Mingjiao called out to her.

She turned around.

She saw Yu Mingjiao grab a utility knife from the bedside table and point the blade at her own throat, the tip just a few centimeters from her skin.

Cen Lingqiu's hand trembled slightly, but her gaze remained calm.

"What are you trying to do?"

Yu Mingjiao's expression was frighteningly calm. "If you insist on leaving me, I'll die right in front of you."

Cen Lingqiu was so worn down by Yu Mingjiao's twisted mental state that she was almost numb. Even her reason seemed abnormal as she muttered, almost to herself.

"It doesn't matter, Jiao Jiao. If you die, I'll die with you."

Yu Mingjiao's expression froze.

Did she really want Cen Lingqiu to die with her?

As she hesitated, Cen Lingqiu swiftly stepped forward, snatched the knife from her, and threw it into the corner.

She bit down on the inside of her lip, suppressing her emotions. "Jiao Jiao, don't be so reckless."

Yu Mingjiao seemed to collapse, her shoulders drooping, her head hanging low, her long black hair obscuring her face.

After a long moment, she spoke in a hoarse voice. "You're determined to leave me, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Even if I beg you like a dog, you'll still leave me."

"…"

"I'm leaving." Cen Lingqiu said. "I'll come back to take care of you."

She walked to the door, and Yu Mingjiao remained quiet, not saying another word.

Cen Lingqiu opened the door and was about to step out when Yu Mingjiao finally spoke.

"Who are you?"

Cen Lingqiu's pupils contracted as she quickly turned to look at her.

Yu Mingjiao remained in her slumped position, the madness from earlier having drained all her energy. With her injuries and exhaustion, she could barely move.

She didn't even lift her head, her voice weak and detached as she asked the chilling question.

"What's your real name?"

"Are you a man or a woman?"

"How old are you?"