Chapter 55. "Live with it."

While struggling with my sense of self and confidence, I was also looking for love.

That is a horrible mixture of activities lbvs. 

I was so -and still am in some ways- quixotic.

I was looking for not only myself but someone to pour that self into.

Someone who would pour themselves into me.

I had met this young lady maybe...seven or eight years prior to the date below, and she had haunted my memories for years while I was being bounced around in the foster care system, and then for a few more as I braved the world of young adulthood and making my own way in this little city of mine.

I had lost contact with her for nearly just as long -six to seven years- before she had walked into the Walgreens that I had been working at and stole my heart on sight.

Her brother was with her, and another old friend of mine who I had no idea was a mutual friend of theirs.

Another story for another time.

We exchanged numbers and went about our separate days.

I had no idea what that little crossing of paths would grow to be...

No Idea...

I will leave it at that lol.

Enjoy.

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March 21st, 3013.

Journal #055.

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So I spoke to XXXXX for a few hours on the phone.

Boy, how she likes to talk.

Lol.

But that's not a bad thing.

She has a beautiful mind...

I am crazy about her, but I accept the fact that we both are taken and If anything is meant to happen between us, only time will tell.

I must live with it.

She's a great friend and I will always be there for her as I'm sure she will be for me.

Today went well!

XXXXX showed up and surprised the heck out of me by helping a lot with the Lego League kids.

He's good with them.

Having a partner helps a lot at times lol

As annoying as he can be, he's a good guy...

I and XXXXX are doing alright.

I should be happy but alas...I'm not.

Love is so stupid at times and amazing at others...

BAH!!

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-Man...I will tell you now: The next billion chapters will be primarily about this young lady lbvs.

She would become a major and very consuming part of my world. 

My life.

Sheesh. 

We met at a bus stop when I was 16.

My friend and I had been skateboarding around town when we shot past her and a handful of people on a random corner.

QUITE a long story for another time.

You have my word.

This one may just be told over the next billion chapters just by her being the topic.

Lort have merbies.

-She would talk a lot while we were on the phone. Hell, she did still till this day...or more accurately put: She still did when last we spoke.

Maybe I was just too quiet, you know?

I don't talk much unless something captivates my attention, or it is something that I am a huge fan of. Some people take that personally, but it's just how I am.

-Her mind -in hindsight- was more INTERESTING to me than "beautiful" so to speak. I could hardly process much of what and how she thought, and that drew me in.

As a sapiophile, I am both attracted to intellect and, unfortunately, prone to being captivated by what I perceive as such.

Some folks are just excellent actors.

Actresses.

Projectionist if you will.

-Before this dark and mysterious woman sauntered back into my life, I was still with the same young lady that I had met after the librarian had shattered my heart.

It was going relatively well for some time, but I had slowly started to realize that she wasn't what I wanted. 

Who I wanted.

A part of me just knew that time would be the death of us, as I had sought her out in a bad time in my life. I hated the fact that I could FEEL the "rebound" energy radiating from her...and it kept me from being able to fall in love with her.

Another part of me selfishly wanted to be with that dark, mysterious woman.

The very same one who was in a relationship, just as I was.

The forbidden fruit with the round and rather rotund butt and an amazing smile.

That should have been enough of a series of red flags in itself.

LBVS.

I also was not a fan of the guy that she was with so that made things even more complicated as I began to develop the need to "save" her from him.

Big oof.

That story is on the way lbvs.

-If you are put in the friend zone, stay there. Enough said.

-The second XXXXX up there was an old "best friend" of mine.

He turned out to be a womanizer and a thief...wild.

He chose to burn the shit out of the bridge that I worked so hard to keep standing...

You think you know people, you know?

Those titles may seem harsh, but they are well-earned.

At times I wonder who I am to judge, you know?

But I know who and what I am not, and it is neither of THOSE things.

While he did help me quite a lot at one point, even horrible people can do kind and even great things.

He was a pretty shitty person once the veil was dropped...that would happen to me a few times, with a few people that I had grown to see as very close friends.

Such is life, you know?

All we can do is take it on the chin and keep it moving, and so I have.

I've lost a lot of people and friends over the past decade...some who I never thought would NOT be a part of my life.

But that is a part of all of this.

This thing we call life.

Sometimes you need to let go of people and things of your past if you really want to move forward.

I will leave you all at that!

I hope that you all have been well, and that these new days have been kind to you.

These weird days of 2025.

Feel free to check out my series of short stories while you wait for the next drop!

Or even some of my poetry.

It just may hit you where and when you least expect it. 

Follow me on my social media accounts if you will!

Instagram: @blackguyinnabowtie

Facebook: One Last Knight. A series of short stories.

TikTok (If you still have the app and you are American like me lmaoooo) @deadxredd44

See you soon folks, and as always:

Stay safe.

Stay healthy.

Stay Vigilant.

-Redd.