Gray and opaque world

I was lying on the floor of the laboratory, crying for hours or maybe days, I really don't know, when you're immortal hunger is not a problem and time seems insignificant.

The coldness of the floor and the dampness of the environment didn't do much to help me, as I felt my constant regeneration healing my mind, which seems to have suffered severe mental deterioration.

I guess I'm more fragile than I'd really like to admit, discovering that I'm only a monster created in a laboratory caused me a terrible mental shock, as I got lost in daydreams about who I really am.

This was slowly consuming me as my regeneration acted even faster, healing my mind as it deteriorated.

This combination of mental deterioration and constant regeneration was making my world become opaque and gray, as if I was disconnecting from reality to escape the reality check that was too much for my weak mind.

After so much crying, I get up from the floor, wiping away the tears, everything seems so fake, what I believed has been revealed as a lie and now I don't even know if I'm really who I always thought I was.

I see myself stuck in an endless cycle of thoughts and my choice is to deeply bury what I don't need at the moment, this started to make my world a bit gray and opaque but it helped me to mentally recompose myself.

I start looking for more records, in general they are all about failed experiments so I don't find anything really useful.

'Why am I doing this...' It doesn't make much sense to continue exploring this place anymore, I didn't have many things that I wanted, but I keep losing more and more of the little I have with me.

I read the records that only reveal what I already know, I am just a monster assembled to achieve Aurora's goal.

It has some descriptions of where each piece of my body was obtained, most were obtained from goddesses that fit one another, after the complete fusion the result was a body that had no problem with the other parts and that formed something without any deformity, fitting together perfectly like Lego pieces.

My body was so well designed, you can see that Aurora put a lot of effort into creating it.

Apparently all my bodies have some degree of immortality, but the other two don't have the immortality that my current one has, Aurora wouldn't be satisfied with something that doesn't have absolute immortality.

But in the end she succeeded, I emerged as a body that really meets the requirements she wanted.

I throw the records on the floor and go to the tubes where my other bodies are, I touch the glass that now seems a bit opaque and lifeless to my vision.

"Was this really what I was supposed to be?..." I ask the body floating in the water, obviously my answer is pure silence.

"..." I step back from the tubes and start to leave, there's nothing here that will really help me.

I leave this place where I learned a truth that I would have preferred never to have discovered, in the end I'm just a puppet in a bigger game.

As I climb the stairs, depressive thoughts arise, it would be great if by throwing myself down these stairs I could die.

I know these thoughts only exist because I allow them to exist, but I feel that if I don't let them emerge, I will slowly become so apathetic that I won't feel anything anymore.

I prefer to feel depressed than to stop feeling everything, this opaque world I see is a reflection of my attempt to cling to anything that connects me to some feeling while avoiding reality.

After some time climbing the stairs, I reach my room, which now seems less lively, as if it had lost all its brightness.

I see that Valac is here, sitting on my bed.

"Oh... Big brother" I say with some happiness, he is so colorful, standing out in the midst of this dull and opaque world I see.

"...I didn't want you to see this, little sister" The way Valac calls me now makes sense, although we are not blood siblings, we were still created by the same person.

"...Haha, who cares? It's nothing" I say unconvincingly.

"Who opened this place for you?" Valac asks in an authoritative tone.

"It was Asmodeus, are you going to fight with him?" I ask with some curiosity, honestly I'd like to see that... I'd like to see them fight.

"...Maybe... Tell me how much you saw down there" Valac asks, trying to find out how much I know.

"...I think I didn't see much... just a bit about my body" I say in a somewhat apathetic way.

The only really colorful thing in front of me is Valac, I wonder why he was the only thing that didn't lose its luster.

'Is it because I've sunk into lust?...' I come to the hypothesis that it's because I like to sink into the euphoria that lust brings with it.

"Why did Asmodeus let you in here" He asks with a bit of anger in his voice, it seems he was against me discovering about myself.

I put my finger on my lips in a seductive way while looking at him, exuding cuteness.

"It's because Asmodeus loves me" Valac looks completely surprised, as if he didn't expect me to say that.

"He has such good sex and said he'd let me in here as a gift since you're not nice enough to open it for me" I say 'honestly' to Valac.

"What did you say" He looks at me with seriousness and anger stamped in his bright golden eyes.

"I? I didn't say anything, it was Asmodeus who said that, he said you're not nice and kind enough to help me, and said you're too weak to be able to really help me."

I want to see them fight, I have nothing but apathy for the castle, so why not see how far I can make the 7 go for me? Can I make them kill each other for me? Can I make them love me so much that they'll do anything for me?

I can't go crazy since my immortality doesn't let me, but that doesn't mean I can't have crazy thoughts induced by myself, I hate what I am now.

I really don't see much meaning in my own existence anymore, I'll keep going forward until I discover the truth about the world that is hidden in the castle, but even if I follow this goal, it doesn't change the fact that this place has messed with my mind.

I really wish everything would just disappear completely with me, my life exists only to satisfy Aurora, so as my own choice I'd rather not have been created, I don't even know if the memories I have are reality or just another lie.

"That damn bastard said what" Valac speaks with a cold voice.

"Big brother, are you mad at me?" I ask looking directly at him.

"No, little sister, I'm not mad at you... it's just... never mind, I have to go take care of a matter" He says while disappearing from my room.

"H-Hahaha" I laugh, a kind of emotionless laugh mixed with a bit of madness, it's kind of funny to see him act that way.

"Aetheris...is he colorful too?" I wonder as I lie down on the bed to rest, it was all too exhausting for me, but I really want to see more of this, I want to see them fight.

It would be even more perfect if with this they handed me everything I ask for on a silver platter, it would be great if everything I asked for, they would do just because they want to be superior to the others.

Soon everything starts to tremble, it seems things are going to be agitated for now, I wonder if this will cause me problems, but I know they are not the type to talk, so they won't find out that I just spouted a bunch of nonsense.

And if this happens and they come to talk to me about it to punish me, I'll just blame Beelzebub, after all he's the most hateful, disgusting and bizarre being of all.

'I wonder what I should do tomorrow...' I find myself thinking about how to explore the castle, the new opaque world that accompanies my vision makes me more focused on facing other things.

I think I'll try to use what the librarian gave me, so I'll go to the area of the demon lord of pride.

'It's true, he said he'd be in my room...' I look around without really getting up from my bed, I have no disposition for that, soon I see a sheet of paper with what he told me.

I get up lazily and grab the sheet of paper, I quickly memorize the information and then put the sheet of paper anywhere without really caring much about it.

I was quite anxious for more information, but now I just want to let everything pass.

"I guess I can try to go to that place tomorrow... anyway, whatever Lucifer is hiding, I doubt it's really something that's going to get me very excited..."

I close my eyes to sleep, letting my consciousness sink into the land of sleep so that I can forget my miserable existence.