Chapter 105

Emma's POV 

I changed out of my already stained towels. 

Chase just got them from a fancy women's store, online, about two days ago. 

I felt bad that it had to get ruined, but it was all part of my healing. 

The doctor said I was gonna be bleeding for about four days. 

After bawling my eyes out again on Chase's shoulders, I logged my tired body back into the bathroom to wash up. 

I was weak as fuck, and definitely worse of emotionally. 

I put a sanitary pad on and then went to bed

I didn't think it was gonna be easy sleeping, so it was not a surprise when all that closing my eyelids did was usher in the horrible memories. 

I began to think of something I thought I'd cast to the back of my mind a long time ago. 

Every now and then, I felt Chase's hand on my body. It was hard to tell him that the hands I once died for, the hands I once fantasized about being wrapped in had started to irritate me. 

The day went by slowly, 

I subconsciously looked at the digital clock on the dressing table, and it was ten PM 

Chase was fast asleep, with his hand on my body. 

It no longer felt like comfort, it felt like unnecessary weight, and so I took it off and laid his hand by his side. 

I hadn't seen my phone in a minute, so I got up to look for it. 

Immediately I put my feet on the floor, I felt like I was gonna fall headlong. 

My whole body was light, but my head was heavy. 

My vision had already reduced to probably half of what it was supposed to be, cause all the frying of the day had made my eyes swell. 

I avoided looking at the mirror as I took my phone. Didn't want to see how much of an ape I was starting to look like. 

I saw I missed several calls from my mom. 

I heard that the case against Mike had been dropped, and that Mark was once again freed. 

I admit I'd been a shitty daughter by not calling her, but I really wanted Chase and I to experience our own little paradise, casting away everyone and every thought. 

I wanted to be happy and I wanted to be loved. And to be fair, Chas gave me that. 

I called her back, all the while holding my breath. 

It'd been a minute since I heard her voice. 

 "Baby?" Her once very shrill and confident voice was shaky. "How are you?" She asked me. 

I didn't know where to start. I didn't even know if I wanted to talk. 

I never told her about the baby, and I was hoping Patty didn't. It hurts to say, but I was grateful I didn't. 

 "I'm not fine." I said truthfully. I heard my mom sniff her own tears and I could see her, with my mind's eye, drying her tears. "I'm not fine at all mom." I repeated. 

I heard Chase steer, so I reduced my voice a bit before finally deciding to go out of the room. 

Whether or not I was gonna tell my mom about it, I didn't want him to hear it cause I might say things I don't mean. 

 "What's up baby?" My mom asked, concerned.

 "It's everything, ma." I cried. "Why am I never fortunate? Why do bad things always happen to me? Am I the only one?" I asked in rapid succession. 

 "What's going on, baby?" She asked, concerned. "I hope Chase is alright?" 

 "You don't even care about me!" I spat. I was in tears and she was worried about him. 

 "That's not what I mean, baby." Sge quickly defended herself. "He's the only one who could put you in such a mood." I reasoned, and found that she was a little bit right, or at least that's how much I wanted to admit it. 

 "I lost my baby." I cried to her. 

 "You were pregnant?!" She screamed over the phone. 

I was getting mad at her, but I realized the only person I should be mad at was myself. 

 "Two months." I cried. 

 "Isn't that a good thing, Emma?" She asked. 

I took the phone off my ear, looked at the screen and put it back. 

I couldn't have heard right. 

Or she didn't mean what she said. It had to be one of those. 

 "What did you just say?" I managed to croak, asking for clarification. 

 "Are you outta your mind, Emma?" She screamed. 

I was broken enough. I didn't need anyone screaming down my ears or over my shoulder.

 "Emma, you're barely an high school graduate for fucks sake!" 

I wanted to cut the call. I wanted to end it, but something held me back. 

Maybe the feeling that I knew she was right

She was so fucking right. 

 "Can't believe you'd make such a dumb mistake, Emma!" She continued, at that point, it felt like she was just venting on me for external reasons. She sounded so mad, so livid. "If that was how I let niggas pop babies into me, I'd have my own football team by now." 

Like how shitty and stupid I already felt wasn't enough, my mom, as always, made me feel dumb. 

I felt like that stupid young girl that was always told what to do and what to not. 

Like the silly young girl who sent nudes to a boy she started talking to the same day. 

Like an idiot who was with a guy and bestfriends with his ex. 

Like the idiot who was crying for a baby the father never wanted. 

Like an idiot who'd have borne and shouldered the responsibility of a baby right after school. 

I wasn't mad at my mom. Couldn't be. 

I wiped my eyes . Her words had had their desired effect. 

 "It was stupid of me." I blurted musing. 

 "It was." She agreed with me. "It really was." She added. "Have you been to the doctors?" She asked, finally. Her voice was laced with worry, and once again, I could see worry lines on her forehead through my imagination. 

 "Come home, Emma." She begged. 

I didn't know if I wanted to. But one thing I knew for sure is that I didn't want to be in Chase's house. 

Then I reminded myself that over the days we made up and had hot sex, we'd promised each other that no one was gonna run away. 

We were gonna sit through the shit and talk it out. 

 "You got a letter from MIT today." She said, 'a different topic' , I thought, jubilating in my mind, "Chase got two, couldn't check. Mark is processing y'alls bill's. Y'all have college ahead of you, Emma. You'll meet great guys, and he'll meet great girls, please don't have receipts for a man who's not gonna stay." 

 "Is that really what you think?" My tear glands were parched, and even aching, but somehow, the tears still flowed out. It's an effect only my mom could have on me. 

 "Yeah." She affirmed, confidently. 

 "Is that what you think of me?" I asked. 

 "Sometimes." She answered truthfully. 

There was nothing to say anymore, so we both stayed on our sides of the line, silent and hard breathing hearts. Each with her own headaches, and headaches…

 "You called for a reason." I asked, remembering that she was in tears herself when she called. 

I had a door creak wherever she was, and after that, the line went flat.