One of these days I'll kill him

Miami, Florida, U.S.A

CniDaria-16

"I swear one of these days I'm going to kill him"

Yet again I'm on my back, my bruised thigh stinging. It was another midnight session with Lucius on hand to hand combat. We were in the workout den where he kept all his weapons and training tools. This has been going on for months now, no matter what move I tried I can't take him down. He just overpowers me every time. If there's such a difference in strength why even strive to beat him you ask? Physically speaking I'll never beat him in a fight as long as I'm still a woman. That's not changing, I despise how weak I feel in front of him. I vowed to myself that night back in Freetown that I would never show such weakness in front of a man ever again, but no matter how much I try it keeps happening. At school I run track and participate in gymnastics thinking that it will help my strength, speed, flexibility, and endurance. I do feel five times stronger than I was in Liberia but I still keep falling short against grown men with elite training. I need to be able to easily put my opponent out of commission no matter who it is. There must be a way though, Lucius isn't the type to keep us practicing if the result was already certain. It's not like he's giving me any hints either though. I think that sick old man enjoys showing off his dominance of me. He circled me while I laid there.

"Ha-ha, you probably would have been better off switching with Thylonius and being a sniper. You're not cut out for this, you're too nice. You don't have enough aggression, enough ferociousness. What's the word? A little bi-." I immediately swipe kick at his legs that he easily dodges, I jump up back to my feet ready for a fight. I'm beyond pissed now, there was no way I was going to have this asshole ridicule me, disrespect me. "Hah, there it is! That fire I saw in your eyes when we first met! It makes my blood rush! pita pata, ha-ha!" I'm going to kill him! I rush in to attack, hitting with everything I got with a series of punches aiming for his vital spots but he blocks all of them easily with a grin on his face. This pisses me off even more. I at least have the quickness and speed advantage over him. So, I circle around him, kick him in the ribs, and disengage to grab a knife that has been hanging on the wall. When I turned around to attack him again he was already rushing after me unaffected by my kick. I quickly evade from him and start slashing at him trying to inflict as much damage as possible but he keeps dodging every move I make. I decide to back off and counter him when he rushes forward. He moves just like I expect him to. I move to counter him. "IT'S POINTLESS CNI'DARIA!" he dodges the counter knocks the knife out of my hand and kicks me in the ribs sending me airborne into the wall. This knocked the air out of me completely, making me throw up my dinner. I knew he could've broken my ribs easily but they seemed to be just bruised. "You're going about this the wrong way, the way you're going, you will never be able to decommission the real monsters."

"Then tell me what to do!"

"Use that pretty little head for once. Good night moto maua"[1] He left me there shaking with anger gasping for air.

The next morning, I went to school as usual. It was a normal day. To be educated properly was what I wanted but did it have to be so boring? The only class that seemed useful to me was biology. I could find how the human body functions and more importantly how it breaks down. Math, history, chemistry, art, all seemed pointless to me. I guess because of that I didn't put as much effort into it as I could. My grades weren't horrible, just good enough for me to qualify for universities I think. Ty was the straight A student which I was proud of. He felt the same way I did, only really having interest in his physics class but he still didn't slack off in his other classes. I wouldn't go as far as to say that Ty was smarter than me but he certainly had more focus and determination when it came to school. I always knew that would be the case, his thirst for knowledge has always exceeded my own. I'm a junior this year so I might as well get my life together and try harder so I can go to the college I want. Thoughts on what to do once the deal was done with Lucius crossed my mind. I'll be supporting myself and Ty again as he finishes high school. I don't think we would have another option. I had no interest in staying anywhere close to Lucius, so ill probably enroll Ty out and enroll him close to wherever I could get into. Hopefully we can get some aid wherever we go. It shouldn't be hard to find a job. Tapping the pencil on my desk, the scary thought came to mind that I would never leave this life of blood and deceit. Being a tool for murder forever. We've been exposed to secrets and lies that would make you astonished. Human decency that you thought was present in everyone is a lot less common than you think. Would I want to stay in this life for the rest of my life?

Truth is, I don't know and I don't care to think about it too deeply.

That's a problem for my future self to solve. The school day went by without much going on, after track practice I waited for Ty in the gym to come out of his basketball practice thinking of how I was going to beat Lucius this time. I then noticed this Freshman staring at me a few rows down from me. This wasn't an unusual occurrence; boys stare at me all the time I just wish they understood how creepy it was. Usually if I ignored them, they would stop and go about their day, but this particular boy just couldn't. He started to get up and approach me, I don't think I was ok with that. I have no room for boys in my life, especially these immature apes that went to this school where their only concern had to do with what was in between their legs.

"Hey there I'm Nick"

Nick? Wasn't that the name of Ty's friend? Oh so he didn't want to hit on me that's a relief.

"You're very beautiful, What's your name?" Well seems like I was wrong.

"My name is CniDaria, nice to meet you." That made him retreat a little. I guess he put two and two together. My name is unique to say the least.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize you were Thylonius sister, I'm guessing by my name you knew who I was, sheesh this was embarrassing. Can you do me a favor and not tell Thylonius about this? I don't need him making fun of me, Thank you". He actually bowed as he backed away and buried his head in a book to hide his shame. This tickled me a bit as I took a good look at him. He wasn't ugly, just being as skinny and awkward as he was didn't do him any favors in my book.

After Ty's practice we walked home with Nick tailing us from behind by a few steps. He needed help studying so Ty offered to help him study at our house. I knew Lucius wouldn't like this but I think this was just another power move by Ty to see how Lucius would react. To keep up the image of 'regular high school' student and what high schooler doesn't have his friends over every once and awhile. I was still struggling with the combat problem and Ty could see it in my face.

"Still struggling with how to beat him?" He looked me up and down, studying me. I stared back into his eyes. His eyes were deep brown just like always. I sometimes wondered why I saw the color differently that day. I felt my mind on the verge of wandering so I reel it back in.

"Yeah, I just don't know how to overpower him, he's bigger and stronger than me. I'm causing unnecessary damage to myself by going this route, but I don't know what else I can do."

"Just keep going I know that it will work ou-"

"CniDaria, who knew you were such a hardcore gamer?" I forgot Nick was still in earshot. "I don't know what stats your avatar has but if you had more speed, it should be doable right? Being bigger and stronger has its advantages but once you find the pattern you can use his weight against him and deal damage." At first, I was perplexed but then it registered. He thought we were talking about a videogame but what he said made sense in real life as well. If I made Lucius attack me first and just counter him making him unbalanced, catching him unprotected, off guard then it might just work.