Angel Dust 3

"Yeah, I am. What's it to you, TV head?"

Vox's eyes slightly twitched at James' provocation, but he quickly calmed himself down and took two chairs from the corners of the room and sat down in one, his hand waving at Valentino from behind to sit down as well.

"Alright, listen James, can I call you Jimmy? Jimmy, listen." Vos says in a sleazy tone, reaching in his suit pocket and taking out 2 folders and tossing them at James. He opened the folders, revealing very detailed pictures of him carrying Vaggie, Nifty carrying him after his fight with Andrealphus, and finally the gang walking back to the hotel after participating in the turf war.

"Do you know these people?" Vox dramatically leans back in his chair, a winning grin on his face. "Of course you do; they're your friends, people you confide in, people you would just hate to see hurt, or worse, dead." He looks back at James, his yellow eye being more pronounced. "And something you would just hate to know would be that Lucifer's little pre-cum brat can't save you from diddly squat."

He leans forward in his chair, a victorious grin on his face. "Since anyone above a certain level of power can't deal with anyone below a threshold of power, anytime you or your freak friends go out…" He intentionally pauses, making the tension so thick you could cut it with a spoon. "I can't guarantee they'll be safe. This is hell after all; who knows what might happen to them in a tragic accident involving angelic steel?"

His grin fully stretched out onto his face, making him appear uncanny. "So let me tell you how you'll react to all this, okay? You're going to be my dog from now on. No freedom, no life; if I point you in a direction, you'll go there and do whatever I fucking wa—"

"Just slime them out, bro." James' nonchalant reply made Vox blue screen for a second, literally. His uninterested tone caught the almost betrayed eye of Angel Dust, the interested gaze of Valentino, and the shock on Vox. "Don't act surprised; you came in here expecting me to just bow down and lick your feet or something? Fuck outta here, man."

He crosses his bottom arms and scratches his head while looking at Vox. "Do you want to know why I'm acting like you're gum at the bottom of my shoe? Well, not only are you—" Vox's eye twitched. "But you not only threatened the lives of my friends but also expected me to bow down to you when you couldn't make me break a sweat."

Although he had a nonchalant aura, his actual aura put fear into the hearts of everyone there, including the hellhound bodyguards outside. The two V's quickly put on a poker face as Valentino got up and summoned his chain over Angel's neck. "Well, boys, it's been fun, but I and my precious little Angel Dust must leave. Ta ta."

"Oh, fuck you." James said, rolling his eyes and getting up, and without a second passing, slashes appeared all over Valentino, his coat being torn into shreds and gold chain quickly becoming minced, causing the pink chain to dispel and Valentino to quickly fall onto the ground. "You think I'll just let any of you outta here alive and well after you threatened my people? Are you stupid or something?" 

James noticed Vox readying his fingers to snap when he held a hand out, making Vox visibly flinch back. "Don't call your little bodyguards in here too; I wouldn't want to kill people that are just doing their job; besides, their weapons are already scrap metal." Vox clicked his tongue and forced his hands to stop shaking and look at James.

"Awwww, is the little TV scared because he couldn't blackmail somebody? Get a fucking life, bro. Do you know why I wasn't worried about you doing shit to any of my loved ones?" He leans closer to Vox, being barely an inch away from his screen. "You're too damn weak to even be on my radar."

He leans back and stretches, cracking his back, removing the remaining tatters of his shirt left on his chest. "Now I'll tell you what's going to happen, and you'll listen, got it?" He doesn't wait for Vox to answer before continuing. "I'll walk out of here, and you won't even try to do anything to me."

His eyes flicker to Angel Dust before continuing, "You won't do shit to Angel Dust either. He'll also walk out, and not a damn hair on his head will be touched. He will also work reasonable hours according to my standards, and if he even breathes wrong around you, I'll know. And I'll not only kill you, but I'll spawn camp you; every single time you respawn, you'll get cut in fucking half. Are we clear, Vox?"

His hands shivered in a mix of fear, embarrassment, and unbridled rage at being humiliated as he looked up at James and muttered quietly. "Yes." James walks out, but not before patting Vox on the head, saying, "Good boy, listen to your daddy," and standing in the doorway before looking back at Angel, "Are you going to get out of here or what?"

Angel Dust hesitantly gets up, taking a step over his pimp's body as he walks with James out of the doorway. When they walk out the hellhound, body guards try to fight him, yet James defends him and Angel Dust with a pseudo infinity, thousands of tiny slashes protecting the fists from even reaching him or Angel.

Although this technique was strong, he couldn't keep it up like infinity, only using it on the surface area of the fists, even taking up a load of his cursed energy even with the six eyes. The pseudo-infinity only makes gashes on the fists, making the hellhounds back up. Soon they just stopped trying and let the two walk out of the theater.

When they finally got out, James looked at Angel Dust with a lazy grin. "Sorry I almost killed your pimp. At least you got good work and pay now; I told you where I am. Just take a walk or try to contact the hotel owner if Val backs out of our 'deal.' The owner's a great girl." But before Angel could say another word, James started to walk away, giving him a salute from behind. "Remember, Angel, free room and board."

"B-but what if he doesn't back off? What if he keeps going?" Angel questioned before he could fully walk off. James stopped in his tracks and looked back at Angel, a small, reassuring smile on his face. "Then I'll be there. No matter what."

(Omake: Charlie's lament)

"EEEEEK!!!!!"

A squeal came from the top floor; the TV the gang was watching vibrated in its place before stopping, being on the verge of breaking. James quickly covered his ears with his hands and cursed energy while the others got their ears violently assaulted.

Charlie came barreling down the stairs, a smile straining her cheeks."You guys won't believe it!"Angel Dust looked at her with a deadpan stare. "Lemme guess. Was it something so great that you had to make me go deaf over it?" Charlie's smile didn't waver at Angel's remark. "Yes! Today, my dad is finally coming over!"

"Wait, wait, wait." James put his hands up, slowing Charlie's roll. "Your dad is Lucifer, right?" Charlie furiously nodded. "Like, LUCIFER, Lucifer?" She nodded again. "Like, king of hell and shit, Lucifer?"

"Well, he goes by her now; he wanted to try out being a woman after he and Mom got divorced to see how she would have felt, but he said he just liked being a woman ever since." James raised an eyebrow. "Lucifer is coming over and happens to be a woman." Charlie nodded hesitantly. 'I have to troll Charlie about this; it'll be the funniest thing in the whole damn world.'

James stopped talking and got lost in his inner musings, exploring the wonders of instigating. Not long after, while the gang was chilling on the couch, watching Angel's sex tape, seeing him brag about how this got a hell of a version of a Grammy got James confused. 'Why the hell are there porn Grammys? He—... Oh wait, I forgot, I'm in hell. This place is so damn weird.'

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

A banging came from the door as a squealing Charlie ran down the stairs, phone in hand. She quickly opened the door, revealing Lucifer in all of her glory and sexiness. 'Holy shit.' James thought as he gazed upon Lucifer's form. She was wearing a pure white suit along with a hat and staff both adorned with the aesthetic of half-eaten apples. She was very curvy, having double F cup breasts and a butt that James could see even when staring at her from the front.

Although he was lusting after Lucifer in his mind, he played it cool, getting up and greeting her with a handshake. "Hello, Ms. Lucifer. It's very nice to meet you." He says, bowing on one knee to plant a kiss on her hand. Charlie looks at him in disbelief, knowing that he hasn't ever done this before.

"Charlie, why didn't you tell me that your friend over here was a little charmer? You mentioned you already had someone at the hotel, but you didn't mention he'd be such a flirt~" Charlie looked at her dad with a deadpan expression. "Dad, please stop. James, stop trying to flirt with my dad."

James shoots back up and puts his hands on his hips. "Aw, c'mon, Charlie. Your father is a very… lovely woman and deserves all the love she could get." Lucifer gave a grin, coming closer to James, her head being just below his eyes as he looked down on her. "I hope you know I can transform into a guy at any time, right? Are you sure you're still on board?"

Now James had 2 options here. He could either A: back down on trying to seduce Charlie's father and quit trolling, or B: double down and see just how far this rabbit hole goes. 'It's definitely safer for me to quit while I'm ahead, giving up on trolling Charlie for now… But that's how losers think!"

"Shit, can't play a game without a joystick if you know what I'm saying?" Angel started to die laughing on the couch, falling down and slamming his fist on the floor while Charlie buried her head in her hands, feeling disappointed in herself for trusting James to be normal for 15 seconds.

-10 hour timeskip-

"Huh?"

James was lying in bed naked along with Lucifer, who was smoking a cigar and looking up satisfied at the ceiling. He looked on his left and right sides, trying to comprehend how he had ended up in bed with one of the strongest beings in their universe.

[Hos*%* Fa&*($te h*a#(s CHANGE*$()$D]

[??? ROllsOI%]

'What. The. FUCK!?'

The Next Morning -

"... It might seem crazy what I'm about to say." James was currently sitting downstairs, facing Charlie, who was looking at him with nothing but pure malice. Meanwhile, Lucifer was sitting in his lap, her face nuzzled into James' shoulder. "I-it just happened, okay?"

Charlie didn't talk for a while, simply staring at James with nothing but spice, salt, and everything at fault. "You kept me up for the entire night. 8 hours. 480 minutes. 28,800 seconds. Because you were fucking my dad." Lucifer took her head out of James' neck and looked at her daughter. "C'mon Charlie, it was 9 hours, not 8. Don't count out your friend or his little friend."

Charlie again got quiet as she heard the sounds of Angel Dust desperately trying not to laugh in the background. "Whatever. You and James are consenting adults; just PLEASE don't do it again." James put his hand up in sincerity, "Scouts honor. I won't do this ag—"

The Following Night -

PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP

"KEEP FUCKING GOING, JAMES. I CAN FEEL YOU IN MY SOUL~~"

The sounds of wet love emanated from the room next to Charlie, whose eyes were wide awake and twitching in primal fury.