Chapter 217: "The Fruitcake That Would Not Die"

The battlefield, once coated in pudding remnants, now trembled under the horrifying presence of the Eternal Fruitcake of Immortality.

It stood tall, its dense, unbreakable form glowing with an ancient, forbidden energy. Chunks of neon-colored candied fruit gleamed ominously within its rock-like body.

Kazuya gulped. "Okay, I take back everything I said. I would rather fight the pudding again."

The Holy Cow of Lactania whispered in terror. "This is an artifact of true horror… the dessert that time forgot."

Ravynne shuddered. "Legends say that no mortal has ever finished a slice of fruitcake… and lived to tell the tale."

Sylvara nodded. "Or even just… chewed it properly."

The fruitcake's voice rumbled through the battlefield.

"FOOLS. I AM BEYOND TIME. BEYOND DESTRUCTION. I HAVE BEEN PASSED FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION, UNEATEN. UNWANTED."

It took a step forward. The ground cracked beneath its weight.

Kazuya turned to his allies. "Alright, so how do we kill it?"

The Holy Cow shook its head. "You don't. You cannot destroy fruitcake. It is eternal."

The realization hit like a truck.

This wasn't a normal enemy. This was something truly… cursed.

The Battle Against the Indestructible Dessert

The fruitcake lunged.

Ravynne dodged, barely avoiding the brick-like slab that smashed into the ground where she stood. "IT'S LIKE FIGHTING A CEMENT BLOCK!"

Kazuya swung his sword—PING! The blade bounced off, vibrating in his hands.

"OW OW OW OW, BAD IDEA."

Quackleton, the brave duck warrior, unleashed his most powerful quack-fu technique, the Flying Beak Barrage!

He soared through the air—

SMACK.

Bounced off. Landed face-first in the dirt.

Quackleton groaned. "Quaaack…"

Sylvara clenched her fists. "Alright, enough of this! If we can't destroy it, maybe we can—"

She launched a fireball at the fruitcake.

It hit dead center—

And did absolutely nothing.

The fruitcake let out a deep, mocking chuckle.

"FOOLS. YOU CANNOT BURN THAT WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN FORGOTTEN IN GRANDMA'S PANTRY FOR CENTURIES."

Sylvara's eye twitched. "Oh, we are so screwed."

Kazuya's Dumb Plan™ (Again)

Kazuya rubbed his chin. "Alright. If we can't destroy it… then we just have to get rid of it the traditional way."

Sylvara blinked. "What?"

Kazuya grinned. "We have to… GIFT IT TO SOMEONE ELSE."

Ravynne gasped. "That's… GENIUS."

Kazuya turned to the fruitcake. "Alright, ugly. Let's see how eternal you are when we REGIFT YOU INTO OBLIVION!"

The team charged.

Operation: Re-Gift the Fruitcake

Step 1: Wrap It.

Quackleton, bruised but determined, tossed a giant ribbon onto the fruitcake.

Sylvara conjured gift wrap magic, covering the cursed dessert in gaudy holiday paper.

The fruitcake rumbled in rage. "WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!"

Step 2: Find a Recipient.

Kazuya looked around. "Alright, we just need to yeet this thing at some unsuspecting sucker—"

Before he could finish, the sky cracked open.

From the heavens, a mystical portal appeared, and out stepped…

THE GREAT ELDER SANTA.

A towering, majestic figure in a red robe, his white beard flowing like celestial clouds. He glowed with the power of infinite holiday magic.

Santa surveyed the battlefield. His wise, ancient eyes locked onto the wrapped fruitcake.

A deep sigh escaped his lips.

"Ah. So it has come to this."

The Grand Finale: The Ultimate Re-Gift

Santa lifted a single hand, and the fruitcake levitated.

The cursed dessert screamed in fury.

"NO. I AM ETERNAL. YOU CANNOT—"

With a snap of his fingers, Santa opened a rift in time and space.

A portal to the Endless Re-Gifting Loop.

The fruitcake HOWLED. "CURSE YOUUUUUU—"

And with that—it was gone.

Banished forever into the void of eternal holiday regifting.

The battlefield fell silent.

Aftermath: We Did It?

Kazuya wiped his forehead. "Holy hell. That was way too much work for a dessert."

Ravynne collapsed. "I think I have PTSD. Post-Traumatic Snack Disorder."

Sylvara groaned. "Let's never speak of this again."

Quackleton simply stared at the sky, whispering "Quack."

Santa stroked his beard. "You have done well, heroes. But beware… there are other horrors lurking in the forgotten corners of holiday cuisine."

Kazuya raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

Santa's eyes darkened.

"The Undead Eggnog."

Everyone shuddered.

But for now, the battle was won.

And Kazuya learned a valuable lesson:

Some things truly are indestructible.

TO BE CONTINUED…