CHAPTER 3

Belinda and Betty were now with everyone at Asher's Home. Betty greated them and sat down, no one had interest in knowing her better, they were all quiet, when Betty noticed that, she decided to go back to Asher's house to wait for her return. Belinda exited the house and cried, she didn't want Asher's family to notice her pain. She didn't believe that Asher maked her to clean for another woman, she had no place to sleep now. She took a deep breath and went inside the house. They calmed her down and tald her to be strong, Asher's sister tald her she will sleep with on her house because it was too late for her to go to her home alone. Belinda and Asher's sister then went to a party, they only wanted her to forget about what Asher did to her for a moment. They convinced her to leave him because he was taking advantage on her just because he knew, she would never get him arrested and he will lastly end up killing her. They drank alcohol at the party, and went back home to take their phones as they had left them. Asher was now back, having fun with Betty. Belinda was very drunk, she became angry when she saw that, she took off the hair wig she wore and threw it away.She carried big stones on both of her hands, they were heavy for her to carry but alcohol gave her men power. She went to Asher's house as the door was widely open. Asher and Betty were busy dancing, Belinda threw stones at Asher's chest and he fell down in pain, he got up slowly and ran after Belinda, his sisters interfered, the time they tried to stop him, the more Belinda got an opportunity to beat him. Asher's mother heard the noise and chaos out side and came out naked, she wanted to find out what was exactly going on in her house yard.Everyone was watching them, even the neighbours came out of their houses to watch the action movie outside. All Asher's family members were on Belinda's side, they all tald Asher he was wrong but he didn't cared, he chose his girlfriend over Belinda in front of everyone and there was nothing they could ever do to defend her. Belinda cried and went to sleep on his sister's house. Asher didn't cared that they are in a clean house because of Belinda. His girlfriend stayed the whole week and left. It was December that time, Asher had his bonus and ate it without buying anything useful. He thought like a chicken and was empty minded, he was always drunk, busy with girls, that's all he did in his life. Whenever he met Belinda along the streets, he never greated her, it was as though he saw snots but Belinda still loved him. She knew that he was doing all of this because of her, if she had never cheated on him, this would never happened. She was very skinny now because of stress, she sewed everything she wore. Asher too had lost his weight because of stress, he thought he was stronger while he wasn't, he had no love at all because of Belinda. He would stay alone thinking about her and end up smoking weed. He was thinking how beautiful their love was, how happy they were together, her cheating was slowly killing him, he even wished to resign at work because he saw Belinda's Boyfriend as Belinda lastly decided to go back to the guy she loved before she met Asher but their relationship was never the same, she left her heart to Asher and there was no way to take it back. Belinda begged her heart to let go of Asher even though it was difficult for her. She would write about him and all the love they had. He wrote the following this time:

ALL THAT HE DID TO ME, TOOK MY TEARS AWAY.

1.I saw his conversation with his girlfriend 'Preety', I didn't knew about her, whe I found out I cried.

2.He asked me why I behave as if he's the one who took my virginity, that hurt me and I cried.

3. I saw his chat with his other girlfriend 'Melisa', he was complaining about me, posting his pictures on Facebook. He tald her that he will tell me to stop it, and tald her that she always opens the closed doors. I cried.

4.I saw pictures, he and a girl were kissing on his bed that He and I slept, he lied and said he just called a girl on a street and asked her to take a picture with him. I cried.

5.He tald me he is the same as other boys so I must not expect him to be perfect while he is not. I cried.

6.He beated me walking with my brother, broke my new phone and never apologised. I cried.

7.He dated girls who are very close to me and I cried.

8.His girlfriend 'Preety' came to his house when I was with him. When I tald him I didn't like it, he called me a fool and I cried.

9.I was loyal to him but when he did all this to me, I tald my self that it doesn't help me to be loyal to someone who's not loyal to me, I cheated too and he left me. I cried in the way that I wished I was dead.

10.I wrote him a message and he said I must stop texting him because I will destroy his relationship with his girlfriends, he don't have my space in his heart anymore. I cried.

11.I came to his home one day, I found him with his friends watching a movie on a laptop,his other girlfriend called, he opened loud speaker and talked to her nicely in front of me and even tald her to take care of her self, I cried.

12.I was with him and his friends, he showed his friends his other girlfriend's pictures in front of me and tald them he had a real queen now, a beautiful one, he wasted his time dating me. I cried.

13.On that day, there was an incoming call over his phone, the number was saved with 'My wife'. I cried.

14.He tald me that his girlfriend always wakes him up when it's time for him to go to work. I was only useless. I cried.

15.He tald me, there's no girlfriend he ever dated that he can't break up with like 'Melisa'. I cried.

16.He used me, when he felt like having sexual intercourse. I cried.

17.I found him sleeping with my cousin when I asked him why he did this he beated me and asked me that is he my boyfriend as I am involving my self in everything he does. I cried.

18.He called me a ghost when someone asked him about me. I cried.

19.He would beat me when ever he wanted to entertain his friends. I cried.

29.He maked me clean his house because his girlfriend 'Betty' was coming. I cried.

30.He choosed his girlfriend over me in front of everyone. I cried.

31.When he met me one day on the street, it was as if he saw mucus. I cried.

All this hurted me, it hurts even now and it will forever hurt me that the person I loved so much did all this to me but I tried to forget it. I remember it because I want to prove the point that there is no girl who is born as a whore, she cheats with a reason. My fights with Asher started because of his actions and words. The pain that I caused him was caused by his actions and words. He treated me badly, he hurted me, he hurted me with his words, his actions and even his hands, but it's fine, it all okay.

Belinda wrote all this crying, her tears were falling on the book, she felt okay when she was writing about her feeling down. She couldn't help her self to think about their fist love. His heavy promises and unanswered questions had never left her. She knew that in his heart he was lonely and would not like to lose her but his decision of breaking up with her made her to lose hope, she wondered what her life would be like without him. She smiled secretly to her self at the thought. Something told her that she was not a women who a man would so easily break her. Her smile was very sad, she remembered so much about their first day together, their romantic games, teasing each other and his deep secret smile, she started to blush when thinking about those moments, she blushed at the discovery that she was curiously annoyed. She thought once more about the house that had always been their place of happiness but she quickly stopped thinking about it because she didn't want any reminders of the life she had left behind in that house.

"He ruined my life." She said with tears on her face.

Asher also thought about her everyday when he was going to sleep. His dream was to marry her one day, give her a good home, and fill it with children who looked just like him and laughter . He had said that to her once and she had laughed at him. When he thought about her, he would find himself crying and most of the times, he used to lock himself in his bedroom and cry, even if he had a lot of girlfriends around him but he left all his love to Belinda. He did all what he did just to make her feel the pain that he felt the time she cheated on him. She betrayed him in the way that he trusted no woman but he couldn't help himself on thinking about Belinda. As he was thinking about her, he got a message on his phone from her, he read it, she was asking to see him for the last time as she was planning to go to Johannesburg to do practicals. He tald her to come, she came then. They stood looking at each other. Belinda's eyes were full ot tears.Asher deeply looked to her eyes and cried. She gazed back, suddenly aware that this man whom she had known for a long time meant everything to her.

"How are you doing?" He asked starring at her crying eyes.

"I'm doing well, I'm just trying to do well Asher." She replied with a low voice.

"So, when are you leaving this place?"

"Next month, after getting my results."

"Are you going to pass?"

"Definitely."

"Don't forget I have all your details.I'll ask my friend Austin who's your college lecturer to send me your result."

"I don't have a problem with that."

"Listen, no matter what happened between us, I still want the best for you." He sad with a smile but tears were still there in his eyes.

"I know Asher, but what will happen to us, what are you going to do?"

"I know what to do, I plan freedom for both of us." He spoke intensely, his low voice filled with such resolve that his weariness and tears were forgotten.

"Does that mean I'm really losing you?" She asked and cried loudly.

"Yes, but I know you're strong Belinda. Whatever happens, you will survive, you'll see." Asher drew her to him then with firm, gentle hands and bent to kiss her on her lips and found her young mouth warm and open to his.

"You know I will always care about you." He whispered and Belinda's answer was to kiss him back, swiftly and surely, before she disentangled herself from his arms.

"I...."

"Shhhhhh...." He outed his finger into her mouth.

"I don't want to hear that." He kissed her again,full on the mouth. She went limp in his arms, astonished and deliriously happy for a second, then her body arched against with his and the kiss that followed, long and ardent as he sought her tongue and then broke almost angrily from her. He was with her as she watched the daylight creep into the room some hours later, then closed her eyes in a determined effort to sleep. Days passed without them seeing each other. The next month, Belinda's results came out, she got a message on her phone that she had passed with distinctions, she was very happy but ended up crying when she remembered that Asher was the one who encouraged her to study very hard. Asher got a message from Austin, it was Belinda's results. He remembered that he asked him to send him if they comes out. He was more than happy when he saw that she passed with flying colours. He ran to show his mother.

"Mom, look here, Belinda passed with distinctions, you know mom she maked me very proud of her." Asher said to his mom looking very blissful.

"Oh my God!my dear daughter, she wrote me an sms but I couldn't respond because I'm out of airtime, oh! she maked us very proud. I just thank God for all this, I always wished the best for her." She said happily.

"I don't know what to do, I'm afraid even to congratulate her, it been a long time I saw her and talked to her." Asher said.

"Try to call her, I'm sure she will be happy to get your call."

Asher was also out of airtime, so he made her a call back but Belinda responded with a message, asking him who he was and Asher tald him it was him, she then asked him what he wanted from her. Asher was very disappointed when he heard those words from her, it was clear to him that she wanted nothing to do with him, he wished to spend a night with her so that they would celebrate the day together but he slept together. He remembered that Belinda was a pretty and well behaving girl who never thought so much of her looks or herself until she met him. She was kind to him, so protective, so unlike the girls he had known and yet sometimes he missed her very much in the way that he was even afraid to call her. In Belinda's life, there were times when she wondered if Asher really loved her,if he was right for her or was just nice and convenient. She knew that no harm would come to her with him, he used to offer her everything. She decided that she really did loved him, she then went to see him the next day. She found him sleeping, she kissed him on his forehead and he woke up. He was surprised to see her near him again.

"I love you." He whispered to her as she stood at his side and she looked at him, she realised that she really loved him. He used to do something wonderful for her, no one had ever done anything like that for her and she knew as she looked at him that he would never fail her again. Asher also looked straight at her eyes. She was just right for him, that was his thoughts, she was a good girlfriend, a good young woman and maybe some other day, a good wife and he had been a fool to want more. Belinda Smith was enough of a princess for him, he didn't need more than that.

"I missed you a lot." She whispered to him and when he kisses her, he cried and she held him close to her, wanting to make up to him for all the loneliness in his life and all the sorrow.

"I missed you too Belinda."There were no other words to tell her how much he missed her. There was silence for a moment.

" So, when are you leaving, last time you said you will leave when you get your results. "He asked.

"I'm leaving today, I came to say goodbye." Belinda said. When he looked at Asher, she saw tears on his face dropping down the floor, he was quiet and looked very sad, he seemed as a changed person but it was too late because Belinda was leaving.On his mind, he thought Belinda will find another guy in Johannesburg and forget him but he didn't say that to her, he just kept it on his mind.

"I'll miss you very much." She said holding his hand.

"I'll miss you too." He sadly replied.

"Don't worry hey, I'll come to visit you soon, I will not forget you and no one will be like you in my life, no matter what we've went through, you'll always be a part of my life, my soul mate, my smile keeper, my everything, I'll always wish you the best even if you find another woman, I'll be happy for you. I can't lie, everything that had happened to us still hurts me even now, when I look at you, I remember all the words you said to me, all the hurting words and doings you did to me, but you know what surprises me? It's that I still love you even now, there's no pain that will make me give up on you, no tears will make me hate you or forget you, I do believe that some other day we will be happy birds again like we used to, so please my love, don't worry I'm going there to build our future, please do one favour for me, take care of your self Asher and always bear in your mind that life it too short. You once tald me that life is not about boys but today I'm the one to say life is not about girls. I don't mean you must love me, you can even find another girl to love but don't ruin her life like you ruined mine. I can't force you to love me, I don't want that, I can't force my self on you Asher. You are the one who knows what you want and what you love. Goodbye Asher, take care. "She exited, leaving Asher crying. He thought that was her last words to him. Belinda didn't stay a long time in Johannesburg as she was lonely. Asher's sister tald her to come to Pitermarizburg to stay with her, they then stayed together and rented a flat. Belinda started to study Graphic Design course at Boston City Campus and Business College. When she got time, she would go back to ladysmith to visit Asher and go back to Pitermarizburg after two days. Asher and Belinda had a long time trying to have a baby but they never had one, they tried until they gave up. Belinda would think that she might be a barren but she never stopped praying for a baby. She went to see a doctor one day without telling Asher. The doctor tald her that they need not to worry about her birth control as she never fell pregnant. Exactly, a year after, she conceived. It was a surprise to her because it been a long time she gave up about it, it was a little difficult for her to fall pregnant at this time because she was going to add another dimension to their lives because they were both busy with their careers and stayed far away from each other. Belinda was afraid to tell Asher about her pregnancy, she thought that he might deny the pregnancy or ask her a lot of questions. She didn't have any gut to tell him about it. It was on February when she discovered that she was pregnant. She went to the doctor to prove that the pregnancy test results that she bought were true and she found that the results were truly positive. She tald Asher about it but he didn't take it serious, he thought she was just kidding. Their love was boring, Asher didn't want a baby as he didn't show that she was happy for her pregnancy. When he thought about what her parents are going to say about it, she cried even more, life was too tough for her. When she came to ladysmith to visit Asher, she showed him her positive results, he was very surprised but wasn't shocked like her. They planned how they're going to announce the news to their families. Belinda though that Asher's family might not believe them, they've been in love for a long time and have always care free, so they wouldn't imagine them with a baby. They leaved that plan and maked plan B, Belinda had to show them her positive pregnancy card to prove it but all their plans didn't succeed, they didn't knew that Asher's mother already knew that Belinda was pregnant. She was lucky because her mother in law saw her earlier. At first, she had morning sickness everyday but as time goes on, she discovered a new love of food. She wanted a happy, healthy baby and didn't mind if it was a boy or a girl. Asher would always say that he wants a girl. He would say girls always remember their daddies even if they are old they would never abondon them but a boy might disobey him and involve himself in drugs at a younger age, but when he grows and becomes independent, he will forget his parents and don't even bother to pay them a visit, his money would be last thing that they would get,that's is why he wants a girl.

Pregnancy was slowing Belinda down a little but this couple was enjoying every moment. They both went through immense spiritual growth, they had lost everything except their selves and each other, they realised that, that was all that really mattered. They never followed the traditional boyfriend and girlfriend roles but in the jungle, Asher was the protected and for the first time in Belinda's life, she became physically needy. Emotionally, though she was the stronger one. Her femininity and mothering instincts came to the fore after an emotional strain because of his sensitive nature and difficulty expressing his feelings, but together, they made it and they did rather well personally, they were grown up, they were much wiser and ready to be parents. When Belinda was at pitermarizburg, he thought that Asher doesn't love her or maybe he is pretending to love her because he only showed her love when she was near him. This was bothering her very much. She wrote a letter to him

but kept it with her, she cried everytime when she read it. It reads as follows.

ALL THE LOVE WE HAD

You and I had a special thing called 'True Love'. I know it is still there but doesn't have a place to stay in your heart. Even if you don't love me any more but I still need you, I even need you as a friend Asher. I know what I'm going to say will be bitter for you to hear but I want you to know the way I feel about us being apart. Sometimes I feel like I'm desperate for love, I feel like you were just passing in my life like others did, I was only your sperm dish. You've abondoned me now and I'm disgusting you as if you never loved me. This makes me feel like even God had neglected me, I even ask my self why he gave me this relationship, what he will gain by taking you away from me, I also convince my self and say you were not meant for me. My life is tough Asher it has no happiness.

As she was writing this letters tears were falling down the paper.