23- Sirius’ perspective

It was embarrassing, leaving him unsure of what he should do next, but also a sigh of relief finding her. 

He stood up and took her hand cautiously, and she stood up and wrapped her arms around herself as if she was a bit chilly and looked around the room at the chaos Sirius had caused. 

There were bullet holes everywhere, and smashed in walls and a broken glass table was shattered in the middle of the room, accompanied by toppled over chairs. She was wondering what she should do now.

She looked at Sirius and noticed that he also had bullet holes in his clothing, but wasn't injured. Had he healed from something like that? His forearms were bruised and his hair was disheveled a bit, the left side was black and the right side was white, including his eyebrows. He had glistening, crimson eyes that looked wise and friendly. 

She ran her fingers through his hair a bit without thinking about it, and with wonder she commented, "Wow, you have some feathers in your hair." And then she touched his chest with the bullet holes in the fabric and felt the bruises on his forearms. "What happened to you here?" 

He looked down at his blights and he pulled them away a bit and rubbed them like he was massaging himself. "Oh this?" He asked, "Well, I think that whatever you were going through with that man," he said referring to Aksel, "well, he was hurting you inside a lot, so it showed up on my arms like bruises that won't heal." 

"What?" She said, "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! I can tell that it hurts." 

She tried wiping them away with her hand, but they stayed there. 

"It's alright." He said, "My grandfather told me the blights haven't gone away because life stains us with pain that won't go away sometimes, but in reality, over time, the pain lessens, and we sometimes feel it again, like we were injured all over again, and sometimes we forget it's there.

But it does fade after a while if we try to move forward, not letting it stunt us, and forgive ourselves. He told me that's how I can heal my blights, is by making sure you're ok. I want you to know Saoirse, you are safe with me. I will never make you be someone evil like that man did to you!" 

Sirius was clenching his fists and she grasped them, calming him down. "You're safe with me too. Don't worry, I will try to heal my pain in my soul so it doesn't hurt you anymore.

I killed a lot of people because of Aksel, but I was blaming myself the whole time, because if I hadn't been me, maybe a narcissist like him wouldn't have targeted me.

But now I realize, that he targeted me anyway, and that is his fault, not mine, and he took advantage of my vulnerability, and used my strength for his benefit. And it did hurt me, I don't know if I can heal those wounds completely. In the end, images of what I've done in my life, and cannot take away haunts me.

 I do everything to clear my head, but when I'm alone, I still get triggered to feel shame. I'm ashamed of tainting myself." 

This shocked Sirius, this girl had put on such a brave face earlier, and even offered to pay for the damages that Aksel had caused. Not her, it wasn't her fault, it was his. 

He hugged her once again, "Saoirse, don't ever tell yourself that you're tainted because of what other people have done to you that harmed you. Or even if it harmed the people that you love. You are beautiful. Your soul is beautiful. And those things you did because he manipulated you? That does not make you who you are." 

——-

A warmth went through Saoirse and Sirius felt it and she hugged him again, smelling his shirt. "You are so handsome." She said, "I can't believe I married such a handsome man." 

His face blushed again and he gulped, "Gosh Saoirse, I'm so embarrassed right now!!!" He covered his red face with his hands sheepishly. 

Saoirse laughed, "haha you're so cute, now you're all red!! You're easy to mess with! I like you already!" She laughed a little bit more and nudged him, "Don't be so serious!" Then she took him by the hand and went to take him to his car, whichever one it was, she didn't know, but they exited the building into the parking lot. "I'm hungry, we should go get some food. I didn't get to eat dinner, Aksel and the Alpha were too busy being dumb." 

He chuckled, "Ok, yeah I haven't eaten yet either. Then he thought of Maeve, what would she think of him going on a date with another woman? Oh my, I forgot to tell you I was dating someone else." He said, "This whole thing is too much." 

Saoirse narrowed her eyes, "I could tell." She said pestering him, "what's wrong with you, are you a womanizer, huh?" She challenged him to come up with a good response.

Well, I forgot what happened to me in my past life, and my grandfather brought me back from the dead, and he told me that this other girl was my wife, and I should be with her, and I think the whole thing was a lie. I don't know why he did it. He's the god of chaos, there's always something he is pulling." 

"Was he a man with black hair and horns on his helmet like long dramatic ones?" 

Sirius' eyes widened, "yes! It is! How did you know?!" 

"I died too." She said, "he woke me up in some tomb, and put me back into my body. He did some magical thingy with my skeleton, and then I was alive again." 

"Wow." Sirius exclaimed, "You know, my grandpa is not that bad of a person. He is crazy, but I guess if there wasn't opposition in all things, we wouldn't appreciate what we have." 

"I'm still going to punch him if I see him! Trying to give my husband away when you are so much better than Aksel! Why would he put me with Aksel!!!!???? That good for nothing idiot." 

Sirius laughed a bit. 

"So do you like her? This other girl?" Saoirse asked. Sirius had led her to his car and unlocked it and opened the door for her. She got in, and he went around the side and got in as well.

"I think we both realized it was a trick. We haven't wanted to complete our bond yet because we didn't think if felt right. Sure, vampires and werewolves, being what we are, we would love to bite another creature in the neck and get all lustful and involved…" 

"You did that kind of stuff," she said folding her arms with a humph. 

"Yeah, well, we did kiss and I'm sorry about that. She's a plant spirit, a deity named Mistletoe. My grandfather told me to call her Maeve because the Gods didn't want her existing and they had killed her once before and incarcerated her in the roots of Yggdrasil, the tree of life that makes up the different realms we live in. 

Anyways, so she attracted me a lot because if I bit her she could have become a vampire and I'm cursed to have instincts like that, but me and her, we didn't really feel that connection." 

"What does she think about you?" Saoirse asked him. 

"I think she is confused. She seems young. I bet she's never fallen in real love before. That's the other reason I couldn't connect with her. I feel like she belongs to someone else, someone she is meant to love later, and it's not me." 

"Where is she at?" Saoirse asked curiosly. 

"Umm…. She's at my grandfathers house. "If it's ok, I might not feel ready for you to meet each other yet. I don't know how I'd handle the conversation." 

"That's fine." She said, "I'm mad at your grandfather anyways, better he doesn't cross paths with me for now either."