Chapter 29

I'm standing with Felix in front of the hotel, waiting for my friend. I looked around, looking for a familiar car, and then I felt him grab my hand. With a surprised look, I looked at the boy's face; however, he pays no attention. With a depressed expression, he looks in one direction, looking as if he is in another world.

I lower my gaze to our joined hands, wondering why he did it. Could it be that he is starting to remember something, or is he doing it more out of fear?

Next to us, on the sidewalk, people are passing by. Cars move in front of us, and we stand in one place. He is looking somewhere ahead, I am watching him. I get the impression that everything around me is playing out in slow motion, because all I can see currently is him.

- Have I often hurt you in the past? - His question makes my heart stop beating for a moment. I open my eyes wider, looking at his profile, yet he still doesn't look at me.

- Why do you ask this so suddenly?

- Did I ever declare to you that if I can't have you, no one will have you? - Saying these words, he turns his face toward me and looks into my eyes. - You weren't happy with me, were you? - He gasps at me. I am unable to utter a single word. - It must be true, since you are silent. I can see your terrified eyes," he adds.

- Have you started to remember something, Felix? - I ask in a whisper.

The boy sighs loudly and again looks somewhere in front of him. I see him biting his lip, thinking intensely about something.

- I lied to you, Selena," he announces. He squeezes my hand tighter, and I just look at him. - In the mental hospital you were the only person I thought about. I never lost my memories of you. I couldn't.

I am so shocked that I want to let go of his hand, but he won't let me.

- So you lied to us, saying you lost your memory?

- Do you think I would be stupid enough to take drugs that would make a fool of me? I had to pretend in front of the doctor and my mother; otherwise I would never be myself again, and I would never leave this hell for the rest of my life.

How could I have fallen for that? He fooled me and Mike. He even fooled the doctors and his parents....

- Why are you telling me the truth now? - I ask in a fearful voice. His behavior is starting to make me anxious.

- Because I want you to understand that I went through all this for you. I did my best not to forget you. I wanted to break free and have you all to myself again. I missed you madly, Selena.

His grip becomes even stronger, making my hand start to ache.

- You're doing me wrong. Let me go, Felix. - I look at him with terrified eyes.

Surprisingly, he loosens his grip, and I massage my hand.

From a distance, I spot Mike's father's car. I glance uncertainly at Felix, noticing his pained expression.

- Are you all right? - asks the boy as he opens the passenger side window and looks at us. - Selena, you are pale. Are you feeling well?

- It's because I had to wait for you for so long," I reply nervously.

- Sorry, I inadvertently got into a traffic jam.

- You could have informed me of this," I declare and intend to get in front, but Felix blocks my passage and opens the door at the back. I throw him a fleeting glance and take a seat behind the driver as he sits down next to me. In the mirror I see my friend's puzzled look, although he doesn't comment on it in any way.

I nervously swallow my saliva as I feel Felix embrace my hand. I think I've been panicking too much since he confessed the truth to me. I feel uncomfortable around him again, but I can only resent myself because I wanted to find him myself.

What did I expect?

- Why is it so quiet in the back? Something happened in my absence that both of you are silent? - Mike asks, suspiciously glancing at me in the mirror.

- Felix confessed something to me," I say in a low voice. I feel his piercing gaze on me. - He confessed that he remembered me all this time.

I glance at him uncertainly and notice that he is smiling half-heartedly. He looks as if he is confident that he was right that I won't keep this to myself and will share this news with Mike.

- I know, Selena. I talked to him about it at night while you were sleeping. He confessed the truth to me, too," declares the friend.

Now I understand. Felix had no worries about telling me before we got in the car. It's obvious that he warned Mike beforehand.

Why do I feel like an idiot?

I laugh nervously, looking in the window.

- What kind of circus is this, Felix? Why didn't you confess the truth to us right away, but instead played trick on us? I'm able to understand that you wanted to fool your parents and doctors so they wouldn't make you crazy, but why didn't you tell us the truth right away, but pretended you didn't know who we were? What are you playing at? - I ask in a nervous voice, shifting my gaze to him.

- I just wasn't sure if I had been squeezed by my parents. After I managed to leave the hospital, they were definitely looking for me. I thought you would be the first people they would get. I had to pretend in front of you to make sure I was safe.

Since I got involved with Felix, I feel like the main character in the movie.

- So you think living in Mike's house will keep you safe?

- Of course not. This will be the first place my parents will drop by. I can't stay at his place.

- So what are you going to do?

- He is staying with my cousin. We often played basketball together, so they know each other well. He lives alone, so he doesn't mind, knowing Felix's situation," Mike speaks up, looking at me in the mirror.

- Can he be trusted?

- Yes. He's a really cool guy.

I am unable to look Felix in the eyes. I'm angry with him, and I'm not even hiding it. Furthermore, I feel that this is just the beginning of trouble.

*

I look suspiciously at a boy in his twenties who serve us snacks and Cokes in the living room. It is with him that Felix is supposed to stay. He lives on the shores of the city, in a so-called hole where dogs bark their asses off.

The apartment is huge, nicely decorated, so I have no doubt that Steve has cash like ice. I wonder if he managed to earn it himself, or if he is spoiled by his parents.

- Selena, can we talk in private now? - Felix asks me while Mike is immersed in a conversation with his cousin.

I nod in agreement, so he shakes my hand and helps me get up from the couch. We head to the room that will temporarily belong to him. I close the door behind me and lean against it with my back while he sits down on the bed. He looks at me with pained eyes as I cross my arms over my chest.

- I'm sorry," he says at the outset. - Forgive me for lying to you. I would rather not do it, but I had no choice. I was terrified that somewhere on the sidelines might be lurking my parents, who would discover that I had been deceiving them all along.

- Do you know what hurts me more, Felix? - I ask, looking into his eyes. - I am able to understand the performance you played, but I didn't like your behavior while we were waiting for Mike. What was that supposed to be? I thought you had changed, that you would stop treating me as an object after all that happened to you, but you still think I'm your puppet that you can control?

- I don't understand... Did I say something wrong?

- You stated that you want me all to yourself again. How should I understand this, Felix? Your embrace caused me pain. If it is to be like this again... - I am unable to finish the sentence, because he gets off the bed and comes to me briskly, putting his hands on my shoulders.

- You misunderstood it, Selena. I swear that I simply put into words incorrectly what I meant. I would rather not control you. It's true that I still love you and I missed you madly, but I know what pain I caused you in the past. I was selfish, thinking only of myself and my feelings. I didn't pay attention to how you feel. Furthermore, I swear that now I will be entirely different towards you. I will never let you suffer," he says in a pained voice, cupping my face with his hand. He looks at me with puppy eyes, so warm and caring, that my heart melts. - If something happens, if I inadvertently hurt you, I promise that this time I will go away myself. I will go far away so that you will never suffer through me again, but please give me a second chance so that I can show you that for you, I really am capable of changing. - After these words, he rests his forehead against mine, and I close my eyelids. - I love you, Selena.

I want to give him a chance. After all, I've been looking for him all this time and there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about him. I was worried when I didn't have contact with him, so how could I now just reject him?

I believe that for me, he can really become a different person. I want to believe it and see the results.

- I will trust you, Felix. I will be next to you as long as possible," I reply, and then he attaches his lips to my mouth, mussing it. This tenderness slowly transforms into the passion I've been missing for the past year.

I bloody well missed him.

A knock on the door makes us move away from each other.

- Selena, Felix? - It's the voice of my best friend. I smile at the boy, seeing the look on his face.

- I had just forgotten about her existence," he mutters under his breath.

I open the door and don't hide my surprise when she throws herself at Felix and embraces him so tightly that it seems to worry her boyfriend.

- Aren't you exaggerating? After all, you've been jumping down each other's throats more," Mike says, pulling her away from his friend. - You don't have to greet him so enthusiastically.

- You made me feel confused," says Felix, unhappy with her behavior.

- Mike told me all about it. It's terrible what happened to you. Your parents are the worst scumbags in the world. How could they lock their son in a lunatic asylum? Maybe something isn't quite in your head, but still, sending you to a mental hospital is a gross exaggeration. You don't even know how this puppy has whined after you for the past year," Eve announces, putting her arm around my shoulder. - Your parents don't love you, so be glad that there is at least one person who has feelings for you.

- Froggy, I think you're starting to overreact," says Mike, laughing nervously. - I love your directness, but sometimes bite your tongue.

A chilling look from Felix, makes her realize that she has indeed exaggerated thickly.

- I wish I hadn't lost my memory, though. I would rather not know that you are Selena's best friend and my friend's girlfriend. You're the one they should lock up in the loony bin.

Despite the thick atmosphere, this sentence makes everyone smile. Eve even admits he is right.

- Even in a psychiatric hospital, everyone would be sick of me, also be happy that you have such a special person by your side.