Special Chapter 1

I open my eyes and see terrifying darkness all around me. Wet clothes stick to my skin, I am cold and sick. I lie on the wooden floor, not knowing where I am. All I hear from outside is the sound of falling rain, and at that moment I recall what I learned before I passed out.

- Have you woken up, Selena? - His voice coming from the other corner of the room pierces me to the core.

The light from the phone falls on his face.

- Felix, where are we? - I ask in a trembling voice.

- I don't know. In some abandoned house that is in the woods," he replies in a grim voice. - Why did you follow me?

- Because I noticed that something bad was happening to you. I wanted to know what it was caused by.

A sour smile appears on his face.

- So I've been masking my feelings well for a whole year and became transparent in the place where I killed my parents? I'm hopeless if I wanted to come here to meet them.

- Felix, how...? - I can't get it out of me because it's still shocking to me. I can't imagine that my boyfriend was willing to murder his family, and I lived with him for an entire year, being happy and not noticing anything. I laughed alongside a murderer, not knowing that I was in a relationship with a man who had committed such a terrible crime.

- I just couldn't help myself when they told me that I was the biggest mistake of their lives, that I should never have been born. At that moment, I hated them to the point that I was unable to stop myself. The pain that tore at my heart was so strong that aggression rose in me and the desire to eliminate them from my life completely so that I would never meet them again and experience the same thing.

- Felix, you killed them. You murdered your parents. Do you know what that means? You frighten me. Not every man is capable of this.... - I say in a trembling voice.

He laughs under his breath.

- Selena, I have never been and will never be normal. They created a monster in me, and that monster eventually devoured them.

His words are frightening. I feel that only now the real Felix is opening up to me, presently that I know his darkest side.

A thought popped into my head: would he be able to kill me too? Is he capable of murdering every person he loves and by whom he will be hurt?

Chills once again shake my body.

- How are you going to live with this going forward? - I ask in a whisper.

- You made me not think about it at all. During the day I was able to be happy, only at night those demons returned when I didn't have you by my side.

- Today they returned, even though I was next to you.

- Their souls are trapped here, stalking me.

He sounds like a madman. I'm scared as hell. I sit huddled in a corner, just talking to him. I'm afraid to do anything else because I don't know how he'll react.

- Now that I know the truth, am I still your safe haven?

- No," he answers right away. - Because I see how scared you are. You are afraid of me, as much as I am afraid of myself.

This answer surprises me.

- What do you mean when you say you are afraid of yourself?

- The fact that I don't know what else I'm capable of. This place gave me the answer to how lost I am.

- Are you going to confess to the crime? - I ask in a whisper. For a long time, he did not answer, simply looking at me. His gaze is blank, terrifying, like that of a sinister doll.

- I must bear the punishment for my sin.

I stifle a cry inside me. With all my strength, I try not to burst out, strenuously suppressing it inside me.

- Felix, you hurt me so much. You made my heart break in half. The pain is so strong that I feel sick of living," I say with difficulty. - I thought we would always be happy again, that nothing would ruin our future, that things would only get better, and you....

- And I screwed everything up because I got mugged and killed my parents.

I take a deep breath and close my eyelids.

- How... how did it happen? How did you kill them? I want to know if you did it premeditatedly or under the influence of momentary emotions.

I sound like a crazy person, but I would like to know this harrowing story.

- Nothing can justify me because I hid my crime for a year.

- Just tell me what really happened," I say in a broken voice.

- They were the ones who picked me up from the psychiatric hospital. They announced to me that their last gift to me was a house by the ocean in the middle of the forest. They concluded that a person like me does not deserve to live among humans. - A sour smile appears on his face again. - They brought me to the place where we are currently resting. I can't explain to you what kind of amok I was in that day. Not only did I leave the insane asylum that had sucked the life out of me, but moreover, my parents took me to a desolate place, announcing that they would disappear from my life forever. Any moment now, they would go abroad. I would remain invisible in that place, as if I didn't exist, because I was the biggest mistake in their lives. Honestly? I don't know myself what I felt at that moment. It was strange. Seemingly there was relief that I would never be controlled again, but on the other hand, I felt like trash. Something inside me snapped, and it snapped hard. I panicked. It was all happening too fast and.... - He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath. - I was terrified and hurt by their words. I wanted to leave them in that place and get as far away from here as possible. I grabbed the car keys that were on the table and got behind the wheel, locking the door. I don't have a driver's license, I don't know what drove me. They ran out of the house, and instead of backing out of the car, I pressed the accelerator and headed straight for them. The force of the impact was so strong, it all played out in seconds, and....

- So was it an accident, or did you do it premeditated?

- It was an accident because I didn't press the clutch," he says in a low voice.

- Felix, were they still alive?

- I don't know, I don't remember. I panicked. I didn't know what was happening to me. In some strange amok, I checked to see if they were breathing, but I felt nothing. There was blood all around them, my father was lying with his eyes open.... I still see this image in my nightmares!

I put my hand to my mouth, feeling my heart beating hard with fear.

- So you just dragged their bodies deep into the woods and buried them? - I ask with a shout, and then he bursts out crying.

- And what was I supposed to do? Call the police and report that I killed my parents? I would have spent the rest of my life in a lunatic asylum or, worse, in jail!

- After all, you didn't do it premeditated! It was an accident!

- But I killed them! I got out of a psychiatric hospital, so no one would believe me that it was an accident!

- Felix, for God's sake, remorse will kill you! You can't handle it! After all, I see what's happening to you!

- I am already dead, Selena! Since the day I killed my parents, I've been dead! Only with you did I try to live! You were my only hope! Now there is no hope for me anymore! - he shouts desperately.

I pick myself up from the floor as he unexpectedly runs out of the abandoned house. The rain still doesn't stop, and I run after him in this darkness, paying no attention to literally nothing. I'm terrified that something crazy has just shot through his mind and I won't have time to help him.

- Felix! - I shout, still following him. I am terrified when I see that he is running directly into the sea. - Felix! - I stumble over a tree trunk and fall, smashing my knee, but this pain can't stop me. - Felix, I beg you to stop! Come back! - I scream, running lamely.

I fall into the water, ignoring the pinching pain in my knee. I embrace it tightly, not allowing it to sink deeper.

- If you're going to die, I will die with you! - I shout, turning him to face me. Then he completely falls apart and bursts out crying, putting his face on my shoulder.

- I can't handle it anymore, Selena. I just want to die," he says in a hysterical voice. - I want to die...