What everyday life is like

When morning struck the next day, I was ready for the day to come. Together with Felix I picked out the clothes for an outfit; A green sweater, together with the same old pair of pants. I didn't have a great variety of pants. Felix said it wasn't important yet. My top would be the most important for now.

We left the apartment without meeting my mother yet again. I haven't seen her for over a day now... But it's not like I really care. She wouldn't affect my current goal or life in any way anyway.

When going to school the atmosphere was... Strange, yet again. I was the odd one out yet again. However this time I felt it even more clearly. I was fundamentally different from everyone else. With my green sweater I would draw all the attention to me... If anyone would actually care about anyone else. But since that isn't the case, I just stood out for myself and no one else. Well, perhaps I also stood out to show Felix that I really wanted to change...

But why would I even care what Felix thinks of me? After all, I'm doing this for myself, not for Felix... But despite that I feel like I'm indebted to her. Like I have to achieve emotions for her as well. I can't explain that feeling. But either way, I was extraordinary.

I had finally settled down in class. And class was boring.

It was the first time I had actively realized that something was boring. Being bored is horrible. While it came nowhere near the suffering I had when cutting myself, it also didn't bring me the excitement and wide variety of emotions that cutting brought me. I just sat there for all the time. And nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I had anything to do either. I didn't really have a plan. But just sitting there, doing nothing... Was hell. My problem isn't that I was wasting time. My problem was simply that I didn't do anything at all.

Class ended after a very long time. I was happy.

"Your grinnin. Can't blame ya, class was-"

"It was very boring, yes. The abscenes of that weird kind of suffering makes me happy."

It seemed as though I had already achieved my goal... No, that can't be right. This amount of happiness would fly away in a short time. I'd forget it completely and would have to start anew.

I wanted to go home after school, but I stopped. Instead of going home I visited the roof yet again. I remembered what I did the day before. I also remembered how much fun it was to lie down yesterday. Therefore, I laid down on the roof. Instead of staring at my ceiling, I now looked at the sky. It's nothing special. After all, one can see it all the time. It's nothing special at all. Despite all of that, looking at it was very relaxing. After absorbing that view for some time I stood up. Then I proceeded to leave school for the day.

"That's how ya wanna go on bout ya days from now on?"

"Well, it's not optimal. But it's better then earlier."

"Nah, that was boring. Everythin today was kinda boring. Let's do somethin fun."