Crime Fighting... But We're the Real Menace

Kazuki and Crimson sat on the couch, watching the news while eating an absurd amount of snacks.

News Anchor: "A violent gang is terrorizing the city. Police are struggling to contain them. Residents are urged to stay indoors."

Kazuki glanced at Crimson. "We should do something."

Crimson, chugging soda straight from the bottle, nodded. "Yeah... let's go make it worse."

Kazuki sighed but grabbed his weapons anyway. He had long accepted that logic and Crimson.

Step One: Crime Fighting (But

We're the Problem

They arrived at the gang's hideout-a dark alley filled with dangerous men.

Crimson rubbed his hands together.

"Alright, Kazuki, we need a strategy."

Kazuki folded his arms. "Yes. We walk in and punch people."

Crimson gasped. "Beautiful. Poetry."

And so, they charged in without a plan.

Step Two: Absolute Chaos

The gang members spotted them immediately.

Gang Leader: "Who the hell are-"

Crimson threw a trash can at him.

It knocked the guy out instantly.

Silence.

Kazuki blinked. "That worked way too well."

Crimson shrugged. "See? Who needs strategy?"

The remaining gang members pulled out knives and bats.

Crimson grinned. "Oh, look. Free weapons."

Kazuki sighed. "Please take this seriously."

Crimson picked up a pigeon off the ground and threw it at a guy's face.

Kazuki: "That is not what I meant."

The gang member screamed, tripped, and hit his head on a dumpster. He stopped moving.

Crimson clapped. "TWO FOR TWO, BABY!"

Kazuki was done.

Step Three: Ruining Leon's Date

After about twenty minutes of fighting (badly), they chased the last gang member into a fancy restaurant.

Crimson crashed through the window and landed on a table.

A familiar voice yelled, "WHAT THE HELL!?"

It was Leon. Dressed in a fancy suit, sitting with two gorgeous women.

Kazuki stepped in and sighed. "Oh. We just ruined his date."

Crimson, lying on the table, casually grabbed a steak off Leon's plate and took a bite.

Leon: "YOU'RE EATING MY FOOD!?"

Crimson, mouth full: "Mmf. You could use more salt."

Leon grabbed his fork and stabbed

Crimson's hand.

Crimson: "Rude."

The gang member they were chasing tried to run. Kazuki tripped him.

Crimson picked up Leon's water glass and drank it while staring directly into Leon's soul.

Leon: "That was mine."

Crimson: "Not anymore."

The two women got up and left. Leon buried his face in his hands.

Kazuki patted his shoulder. "On the bright side, we got the bad guy."

Leon: "I HATE YOU."

Step Four: Messing with MJ

After fleeing the restaurant (because they definitely weren't paying for that window), they ran into MJ... eating alone at an outdoor café.

MJ: "Why do you both look like you survived a war?"

Kazuki: "Because we did."

Crimson stole MJ's spaghetti.

MJ: "DUDE."

Crimson threw it at a guy on a bicycle.

The guy fell over.

Crimson: "I was aiming for the old lady."

Kazuki: "'.."

MJ stared at his now-empty plate. "Y'know, I was really enjoying that."

Crimson: "Food tastes better when you steal it."

MJ: "That explains so much about you."

Step Five: The Lion Returns

As they walked home, a familiar roar echoed down the street.

Crimson's eyes widened. "No way."

Kazuki sighed. "Oh, not this thing again."

Out of nowhere, the lion from the theme park mission tackled Crimson and started licking his face.

Crimson laughed. "YOU CAME BACK, BUDDY!"

Kazuki: "I can't believe this is real."

Crimson stood up and dusted himself off.

"Kazuki, we have a new mission."

Kazuki: "Oh no."

Crimson: "We're sending this lion to Kai's house as a gift for his kid."

Kazuki: "OH NO."

Step Six: The Dumbest Gift Ever

Later that night, they snuck into Kai's backyard.

Crimson: "Okay, we just leave the lion here, and-"

The lion roared so loud it shook the house.

A light flicked on.

Kai: "CRIMSON!?"

Crimson grabbed Kazuki's arm. "RUN!"

They sprinted off into the night as Kai's furious yelling echoed behind them.

Final Step: The Pants Incident

Back at home, Crimson jumped over the couch dramatically.

Kazuki collapsed onto the floor. "That was the stupidest thing we've ever done."

Leon walked into the living room... completely naked.

Kazuki: "OH GOD, WHY!?"

Leon, deadpan: "You RUINED my date. I RUIN your eyes."

Crimson, unfazed: "Respect."

Kazuki tried to erase the last five seconds from his memory.

Just as he turned to leave, Crimson's pants fell down.

Everyone stared.

Silence.

Leon: "What the actual hell is happening tonight?"

Kazuki sighed. "I quit."

MJ walked in. "Why is Leon naked?"

Crimson: "WHY ARE YOU ASKING QUESTIONS YOU DON'T WANT ANSWERS TO?"

And with that, the night of absolute stupidity came to an end.