Love is a Battlefield (Literally)

The Setup

Crimson and Leon sat on the couch, staring at their phones like they were defusing a bomb.

"You ready for this, brother?" Leon smirked, fixing his hair in the mirror for the fifth time.

Crimson cracked his knuckles. "I was born ready."

Kazuki, lounging on the other couch, raised an eyebrow. "You? On a date? With a real, living woman?"

"Yes." Crimson nodded proudly. "She's hot, too."

"Does she know you're a full-time menace to society?" Kai asked, sipping his tea.

"Nope," Leon answered for him. "And she's about to find out the hard way."

The Date Begins (Barely)

The plan was simple. Meet the girls at a fancy restaurant, have a nice dinner, and not cause a public catastrophe.

The first red flag? Crimson showed up in full black armor, crimson scarf flowing dramatically in the wind, and his pet crow Storm Eye perched on his shoulder.

"Bro," Leon hissed, "why do you look like a final boss?"

"This is my date outfit," Crimson said confidently. "I look sexy."

Before Leon could argue, the girls walked in.

Leon's date, Samantha, was a stunning brunette in a sleek red dress. Crimson's date, Valerie, was blonde, curvy, and looked like she made bad life choices.

"Oh my God," Valerie giggled, looking at Crimson. "You're so mysterious. I love that."

Kazuki, who was passing by, choked on air.

Leon grinned. "Ladies," he said smoothly, leading them to their seats.

As they sat down, Crimson immediately ruined everything.

"So," he said, leaning forward, "do you ladies know how to disarm a landmine?"

Dinner is a Warzone

The waiter came over, visibly nervous.

"Welcome, sirs, ladies. May I take your order?"

Leon smoothly ordered steak. Samantha smiled, ordering a wine to go with it.

Crimson, however, squinted at the menu like it personally offended him.

"What the hell is 'salmon tartare'?" he asked.

"It's raw salmon," Valerie explained.

Crimson slammed the menu down. "I'll take a full turkey, deep-fried, and a side of explosives—I mean, potatoes."

The waiter blinked. "Sir… we don't serve—"

"I'll take two," Crimson interrupted.

The waiter glanced at Leon for help. Leon just sighed. "Just bring him a steak before he declares war on your restaurant."

Chaos Ensues (Obviously)

Five minutes in, things went south.

1. Crimson interrogated the waiter after his food arrived, demanding to know where the meat came from like he was a detective in a noir film.

2. Leon's past caught up with him—an ex-girlfriend stormed in, pointed at him, and yelled, "YOU GHOSTED ME!" in front of Samantha.

3. Crimson's crow stole a customer's breadstick, leading to a full-blown bird chase through the restaurant.

4. Crimson challenged the head chef to a duel after claiming his steak was one degree overcooked. The chef, a retired MMA fighter, accepted.

5. Leon's date turned out to be the sister of a mafia boss who just happened to be watching from another table.

It all went downhill from there.

The Fistfight (and Fire) Begins

The mafia boss stood up slowly, cracking his knuckles. "That's my baby sister, you bastard."

Leon gulped. "Uh, hey man, no need for violence—"

"GET HIM!"

Suddenly, the entire restaurant turned into a battlefield.

• Mafia guys started throwing punches.

• Crimson started a sword fight with the head chef.

• MJ, who wasn't even supposed to be there, randomly joined the brawl for fun.

• Kazuki walked in mid-fight, sighed, then casually stole someone's pizza.

• A table flipped. Someone got set on fire. A waiter got launched through a window.

"I SAID NO VIOLENCE!" Leon yelled, ducking a flying chair.

Crimson, standing on top of the bar, grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a deep sip mid-fight. "This is the best date ever!"

The Great Escape (Kinda)

At some point, security showed up, sirens were blaring, and half the restaurant was on fire.

"We need an exit strategy," Leon said, panting.

Crimson pointed. "We take the front door."

Kazuki blinked. "Through the cops?"

"Exactly."

And before anyone could argue, Crimson grabbed a flaming chair and charged forward, screaming.

"FOR LOVE AND CHAOS!"

Somehow, this worked.

The Aftermath

They escaped, barely, and ended up back at the apartment.

They were soaked from the fire sprinklers, bruised, and slightly on fire.

Leon sighed. "I was so close."

Crimson, shirt half burned off, just smirked. "Worth it."

A knock on the door.

They all froze.

MJ opened it. It was Valerie and Samantha.

"…So, do you guys wanna hang out again next weekend?"

Crimson grinned. "I love women."