The Great Bathroom Lockdown

(A.K.A. How Two Professional Hitmen Got Trapped, Starved, and Considered Cannibalism)

It Was Supposed to Be a Simple Mission.

Break into the penthouse. Kill the target. Get out.

Easy. Clean. No mess.

Instead, Leon and Crimson had been trapped in a luxury bathroom for three days, practically naked, and fighting over whether shampoo could be classified as soup.

They were so close to completing the job—until Crimson had to piss at the worst possible moment.

Now, their only companion was a soap dispenser named Gerald, their sanity was crumbling, and Crimson had started looking at Leon like he was a prime rib steak.

Day One – The Dumbest Decision Ever Made

It all started with Crimson's tiny bladder.

They had snuck into the penthouse, avoiding the cameras and guards. Their target was right in front of them, lounging on his couch with a glass of wine. Completely unaware.

And then—

"Leon, I gotta pee."

Leon turned his head so slowly it was borderline ominous.

"…What?"

"I gotta pee," Crimson whispered. "Like, right now."

Leon blinked. "Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? I am literally about to explode."

Leon inhaled sharply. "Can you just hold it?"

"Can you hold your breath for five minutes?" Crimson shot back.

"…What does that have to do with anything?"

Crimson bolted for the penthouse bathroom before Leon could argue.

And that's when Leon heard footsteps.

The target was coming.

Panicking, Leon rushed in after Crimson and slammed the door shut.

Crimson zipped up his pants. "Yo, why are you in here?"

Leon tried the door.

It didn't open.

"…Bro."

Crimson frowned. "What?"

Leon's voice was flat. "The door. It's locked."

Crimson stared. "So… unlock it?"

Leon turned to him, deadpan.

"There is no lock."

A very long pause.

Then Crimson sighed, sat on the sink, and muttered:

"…We're gonna die in here."

Day One – The Stages of Grief

For the first few hours, denial kicked in.

"There's no way we're actually stuck," Leon muttered, yanking the handle.

It didn't budge.

Crimson opened a cabinet. "Maybe there's a secret passage."

"There is not a secret passage, dumbass."

Crimson checked behind the toilet.

Leon dragged a hand down his face. "What exactly are you looking for?"

Crimson opened the toilet lid.

"DO NOT GO IN THE TOILET, CRIMSON."

Day Two – The Descent Into Madness

By the second day, things had deteriorated fast.

• Leon started talking to the shampoo bottle, venting about his life problems.

• Crimson built a tiny fort out of toilet paper and declared himself "King of Bathland."

• They played tic-tac-toe on the mirror with toothpaste until a fistfight broke out over a tie.

• Leon started doing push-ups for no reason.

• Crimson tried to eat the hotel soap.

• Leon started praying to the faucet.

• Crimson renamed the toilet Gerald and insisted it was their new best friend.

Leon leaned against the bathtub, rubbing his temples. "I think I hate you."

Crimson stared at Gerald. "You hear that, Gerald?! He hates us."

"…I hate him too."

Leon froze.

"…Who the hell just talked?"

Crimson looked him dead in the eye. "Gerald."

Leon considered drowning himself in the bathtub.

Day Three – When Things Went Very, Very Wrong (because they always do)

By the third day, they had completely lost their minds.

First, they somehow set their clothes on fire.

Nobody knew how.

One second, they were fully clothed. The next? Their shirts were up in flames because Crimson was trying to make a fire signal using a lighter and hotel cologne.

It did not work.

Now, they were half-naked, shivering in their underwear like two survivors of the dumbest apocalypse imaginable.

And then…

Crimson got hungry.

Very. Very hungry.

Leon was minding his business, planning how to kill Kazuki for abandoning them, when he noticed Crimson staring at him.

Drooling.

"…Why are you looking at me like that?" Leon asked cautiously.

Crimson licked his lips. "You ever wonder… what human meat tastes like?"

Leon's soul left his body.

"Bro," Leon whispered. "Don't do this."

Crimson's eyes darkened. "I'm just saying… your arm looks kinda tender."

Leon grabbed a toilet plunger and held it up like a weapon.

"I swear to god, if you even think about biting me—"

Crimson lunged at him.

THEY STARTED WRESTLING IN THEIR UNDERWEAR.

ON THE MARBLE HOTEL FLOOR.

Leon was trying to shove Crimson's face into the toilet.

Crimson was trying to take a bite out of Leon's shoulder.

Gerald the soap dispenser was watching in horror.

Rescue (A.K.A. Maximum Humiliation)

Just as Leon was about to shove Crimson's head into the toilet, the bathroom door slammed open.

The squad stood there.

Kazuki. Kai. MJ. Violet. Valerie.

All of them.

Silence.

Then—

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" Kazuki yelled.

Crimson, still half-strangling Leon, froze.

Leon, with a toilet plunger in one hand and Crimson's headlock half-executed, also froze.

Kai blinked. "Why are you—"

"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT."

Violet pointed. "Why are you—"

"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT."

MJ looked mildly disturbed. "…Are you guys… naked?"

Crimson and Leon looked down.

They were.

The squad took ten steps back.

Crimson slowly reached for Gerald the soap dispenser. "Gerald. Cover for me."

Valerie covered her mouth. "Oh my god."

Kazuki took out his phone. "This is going in the group chat."

Crimson screamed.