Hell’s Kitchen? More Like Hell’s Arson.

The squad was going undercover on a cooking show. Not to assassinate anyone—just to see if they could.

Crimson, Kai, Kazuki, MJ, and Leon stood in the brightly lit kitchen studio, wearing chef uniforms that made them look suspiciously professional. The host, a man with a Michelin star and a hairline that screamed "I yell a lot," paced in front of them.

"Alright, contestants! Show me what you've got!"

Crimson, already holding a flamethrower, grinned. "You got it, chief."

Thirty Seconds Later

The fire alarm was blaring. Smoke filled the studio. Kazuki was cursing at an industrial mixer that had somehow gained sentience and was trying to kill him. MJ was screaming and holding a live lobster like a weapon.

Leon was standing there, completely unfazed, flirting with the camera crew.

Kai, the only one trying to cook, was whisking something in a bowl with the intensity of a man on the verge of a breakdown. "For the love of—Crimson, WHY ARE YOU USING A FLAMETHROWER?!"

"Charcoal adds flavor," Crimson said, setting a steak and a cameraman's clipboard on fire.

The host, now visibly regretting inviting them, stormed over to MJ. "What are you doing?!"

MJ, still holding the lobster like a knife, glared. "This is my emotional support lobster. Back off."

Somehow, It Got Worse

• Kazuki, after finally winning his battle against the possessed mixer, turned around just in time to see Crimson deep-frying a whole steak while still holding it with his bare hands.

• Leon had convinced one of the judges to give him their number mid-taste test.

• Kai's soufflé exploded. Like, literally exploded. The force knocked over a contestant three stations away.

• MJ declared war on the studio's smoke alarm and started throwing eggs at it.

The host lost it. "YOU ARE ALL DISQUALIFIED!"

Crimson wiped soot off his face. "Okay, but hear me out… what if we weren't?"

The host pointed at the door. "Get. Out."

So they left—half covered in flour, one of them (MJ) carrying a lobster like a new best friend, and all of them banned from television for life.

Mission Status: Not Even Close.