Who Are We and Why Are We Like This?

The squad wakes up in the middle of a trashed hotel room. Chairs are broken, a chandelier hangs by a single chain, and for some reason, Kazuki is duct-taped to the ceiling. None of them remember how they got there. None of them remember who they are.

Crimson sits up first, groaning. "Ugh… What happened?" He looks around at the disaster zone. "Did we party too hard or get into a fight?"

"Both," MJ mutters, rubbing his head. "I think."

Kai stands up, looking completely calm. "Okay, let's figure this out rationally." He pats his pockets, pulling out a wallet. "My ID says my name is Kai. So that's me."

"Cool, cool," Crimson nods. "What about the rest of us?"

Leon checks his ID. "Leon. Sounds hot. Probably means I'm cool." He smirks, adjusting his sunglasses that he has no idea why he owns.

MJ frowns, looking at his own ID. "Mine says MJ… That doesn't sound like a real name."

Kazuki, still taped to the ceiling, glares down at them. "Hey! Maybe get me down first before you start figuring out your stupid names!"

Crimson looks up at him and shrugs. "Nah, you seem fine."

Kazuki struggles against the duct tape. "I swear, if I knew who I was, I'd kill you."

"Ohhh, maybe you're the angry one!" Crimson claps. "That must be your personality trait."

They start looking around for clues about their identities. They find a bag full of weapons, which immediately raises some questions.

"Are we criminals?" MJ asks, holding up a silenced pistol.

"Or are we cops?" Leon suggests.

Crimson gasps. "Oh my god. What if we're time travelers?"

Kai facepalms. "Why would that be the first conclusion?"

Crimson shrugs. "Feels right."

While they argue, Kazuki finally peels himself off the ceiling and falls onto the table, smashing it to pieces.

"That looked painful," Leon comments.

Kazuki groans. "I hate all of you."

Crimson nods sagely. "Yeah, that sounds like something an amnesiac would say."

Just then, there's a knock on the door. They all freeze.

Kai cautiously opens it, and a man in a suit is standing there, looking furious.

"Where the hell have you idiots been? You were supposed to finish the job yesterday!"

The squad looks at each other, confused.

Crimson leans in. "What job?"

The man's eye twitches. "The hit."

The entire group collectively gasps.

"We're assassins!?"

The man groans. "Oh, for—YES! You are assassins! Now get it together and finish the damn job!"

He storms off, leaving them standing in the doorway, stunned.

Leon crosses his arms. "Honestly, I thought we were strippers."

MJ shudders. "Something tells me we tried that last night."

Kazuki checks his phone and finds a video of them breaking into a mansion, except instead of being stealthy, they're riding stolen Segways through the hallways, throwing knives at paintings for fun.

"We are so bad at this," he mutters.

Crimson, however, is grinning ear to ear. "Alright, boys! We might not know who we are, but we do know one thing."

Kai sighs. "And what's that?"

Crimson grabs a gun and grins. "We finish what we start."

Cut to them five minutes later, sitting in a police station in handcuffs.

"I don't know what I expected," Kai mutters.

"I REGRET NOTHING!" Crimson yells.

They're eventually bailed out by Violet, who has been looking for them all night and is absolutely done with their nonsense.

"I leave you alone for ONE DAY."

Leon grins. "Hey, at least we know who we are now."

Crimson nods. "Yeah, we're total disasters."

Violet sighs. "Welcome back, idiots."