A shadow of Past

The pain never truly left. No matter how many times I died, no matter how many times I was ripped from this cruel reality, it always followed me. It was like a shadow, lingering just behind me, never giving me the space to breathe. It was no longer the shock of it all—the deaths, the failure, the endless cycle. It was the crushing weight of it. The awareness of my helplessness.

'Is this really my life now?' I thought, eyes closed, trying to block out the world around me. My fingers trembled slightly as I stood in the middle of the blood-soaked battlefield. My clothes were torn, my body bruised and battered, yet the only thing I could focus on was the voice in my head.

"You have failed again."

I had heard those words so many times before. Each death felt more real than the last, each failure etched deeper into my soul. And every time, I would return—waking up in the same place, with the same void inside me. The same screen, staring at me with cold indifference.

[System Message: You have died. Would you like to update your abilities?]

Another death. Another pointless, endless loop. The word "update" burned into my mind. It felt like a cruel joke. How could I "update" when every attempt at progress only sent me spiraling deeper into this pit of despair?

But there was no escape. Not anymore.

I glanced at the system screen in front of me, still visible even though my surroundings were a battlefield, a hellscape of blood, debris, and fire. I had learned to ignore the details—had learned to ignore the sensation of failure that washed over me. But I couldn't ignore the numbers.

Stats:

Strength: 1

Agility: 0.9

Endurance: 0.5

Intelligence: 0.8

Mana: 0.4

Ability: Null

It was still the same. The numbers mocked me. It didn't matter how much I tried, how many times I fought, the system was unyielding. My abilities were still nonexistent, and the numbers told me that I was just as useless as I had always been.

'Is this the end of my story? Am I really this pathetic?'

I didn't even know what it meant to be "strong" anymore. I had learned that strength wasn't just about power—it was about surviving, enduring, accepting the suffering. But that realization felt like a joke now. How much longer could I endure this endless cycle?

And then, like a whisper, a question appeared on the screen.

[System Message: Do you wish to update your abilities now?]

I stared at the message. There was no hope in it, just the promise of another loop. It was a trap. A lie. The system had no intention of helping me—it only wanted to watch me suffer, wanted to drag me further down into the abyss. And yet...

And yet, there was a part of me that still wanted to hope.

'Maybe... just maybe, this time will be different.'

The thought was fleeting. Ridiculous. But that small glimmer of hope, however foolish, made me hesitate. Could I dare to believe in it? Could I dare to believe that there was something, anything, that would pull me out of this nightmare?

I thought of the people I'd seen in my previous loops. The ones I failed to protect. The innocent lives I couldn't save. The faces of those who trusted me, only for me to fail them again and again. Their screams echoed in my mind, a reminder of my own impotence.

I had never been able to save anyone. I had always been too weak. Always too slow. Too incapable.

The system's message blinked again. A reminder that I was still stuck in this loop. And as much as I hated it, I knew I couldn't escape.

I closed my eyes, letting out a breath that rattled through my chest. My body was broken, my spirit shattered. And yet, I couldn't stop the thought that had been nagging at me for so long.

'What if this is all a test? What if I'm supposed to break? What if suffering is the key to understanding this damned system?'

I had begun to wonder if there was something more to this. Was the system just trying to crush me? Or was there some hidden truth, some deep understanding that I was missing? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the system might not be my enemy. It might be my only chance to find the truth.

With that thought in mind, I nodded to myself. Slowly, deliberately.

"Update."

The screen flashed, and for a moment, everything went dark.

I didn't know what I expected. Maybe I thought the system would reveal some secret to me, something that would make all the pain worthwhile. But as the screen came back to life, I saw something different.

It wasn't a sudden surge of power. It wasn't some miraculous increase in my abilities. No, it was far more subtle than that.

[System Message: Ability Updated.]

The words lingered for a moment. I blinked, my heart racing. Had something changed? Was I stronger? Faster?

I looked at my stats again.

Stats:

Strength: 1.2

Agility: 1.1

Endurance: 0.9

Intelligence: 1.0

Mana: 0.6

Ability: 0.1

It was so small. So insignificant. A fraction of a change. But it was something. A glimmer of progress.

I felt my pulse quicken, but then it hit me—the realization that this wasn't the answer. It was a trap. Another small change designed to make me keep playing the system's game, a game I was bound to lose.

And yet... there was a part of me that couldn't let go. Part of me that still believed that maybe, just maybe, this tiny update was the start of something bigger.

But as the pain of my past experiences swirled in my mind, I couldn't help but wonder: Was I truly being updated, or was I just being fed crumbs to keep me trapped in this endless cycle of suffering?

I clenched my fists. I had no answers, but I was going to find them.

I had to.