Abandoned

"So, Ms. Han. What led you to come visit today?", the psychiatrist, Dr. Yang, asked me after a brief exchange of greetings. 

"I had a bit of, erm… what I think was a hallucination yesterday."

"Has this been a common experience or just this once?"

"No, not common at all. This is the first time it's ever happened to me."

"Please tell me about this hallucination experience of yours."

"I… recently witnessed something horrible. Someone dying, actually. I thought I'd make a police report so I went to - what I thought was - a police station and made a report to - who I thought was - a police officer there."

"I see."

"It turned out, I wasn't at a police station at all. And I wasn't talking to a police officer. It's a bit embarrassing really."

"It's fine, Ms. Han. Please go ahead."

"It turned out I was at McDonald's and I was confessing to an employee behind the counter."

Dr. Yang didn't seem phased, neither did she look sympathetic about my ordeal. Instead, she typed something on her computer, screen of which I couldn't see, and asked me.

"Why did you feel the need to confess?"

"I just wanted to help catch a murderer… What I witnessed wasn't just a normal death. Someone came to a restaurant as I was dining with my friend, and she… killed her."

After a bit more tap tap on the keyboard, Dr. Yang continued. 

"You said 'confess' just now. Why did you feel like you had to confess? Was there something in your heart you needed to let out? As in there was more than just witnessing what happened."

I was caught off guard by this question. 

Was I going to be in trouble if I told her everything I knew? She's a psychiatrist, not a police officer. But if she learned that I was somehow connected to a murder, surely she'd report me?

"Do what we talk about in consultation get reported to police? If it involves something illegal."

"It depends."

"That's not very reassuring."

"If you have killed someone yourself, yes, I'd have to report to the police. If you've killed someone and served your time for it, I can discuss with you all you want to help you in any way I can."

"What if… I knew who the killer was, still uncaught?"

"This killer hasn't been caught yet?"

"No. Not as far as I know."

"Then I'd strongly encourage you to report to the police."

"Will you tell the police that I knew?"

"Is there any reason you do not want to report this person? Perhaps we could talk about that a little first. 

Dr. Yang was right. Why would I not want to report Miho?

"Dr. Yang! I'm here!"

At that moment, the door slammed open and someone barged in.

Startled, I turned to look and found Miho barging in.

"Ms. Jin! Please, you can't do this every time!", Dr. Yang protested. 

Miho stood still as our eyes met, frozen to the spot. 

"Please leave and close the door, and wait for your turn."

Dr. Yang's voice was both commanding and pleading. 

Miho did not respond.

"Please."

Miho's eyes were fixed on mine, and I sat with my body half turned toward the door facing her. There was madness in her eyes as I've come to witness a few times in her violent moments, but this time they seemed a little different. 

Then all of sudden, Miho approached where I was, which almost made me flinch. She casually plopped herself on the seat next to me and leaned forward to address Dr. Yang. 

"Well, I'm staying."

"I will have to call securities, Ms. Jin. Final caution. Please, leave the room."

I don't know what came over me, but I turned to face the psychiatrist again and told her.

"It's alright actually. Let her stay."

Ignoring Dr. Yang's surprised look, I glanced at Miho who was still just looking straight ahead without reacting to my permission, which should have been unexpected. 

"Ms. Han, you don't really need to-"

"It's OK. I know this woman. In fact, she's the source of ALL trouble I'm going through now."

It was only then that Miho, or Lin or Ms. Jin or whatever she calls herself now, looked at me. This time I ignored her and continued. 

"This woman did horrible things that traumatized me."

Dr. Yang reacted in surprise for the first time I walked into the room.

"OK. If you insist. How are your 'issues' related to Ms. Jin?"

"Dr. Yang. I just need my medication. I need that shot now. Can I please just get it and leave?", Miho cut in this time. 

"You barged in here without permission. Don't expect me to just provide you medication that I haven't even assessed you are in need of."

After sternly telling Miho off, she asked me again. 

"What's your relationship with Ms. Jin?"

"Friend."

"Former flatmate."

Miho winced as we gave a different answer, and I was mildly surprised she called me her 'friend'. 

"Former? So you don't leave together anymore?"

"No.", we gave the same answer this time.

"May I ask what happened?"

"We were out dining and she went crazy and just ran away.", Miho accused, pointing her thumb at me. 

"She burnt my friend alive.", I shot back immediately. 

"WHAT?!!!!", Miho yelped.

"Er… excuse me?", Dr. Yang was confused. 

"And she killed my ex-boss." I wasn't so scared anymore. 

"OK." Was all Dr. Yang said. For now. 

"And this woman said she killed three men with a chopstick before."

Dr. Yang took off her glasses, rubbed it clean with a blue cloth that was laying on the table, and put them back. 

"Ms. Han. Do you mind if I talk about your questionnaire result in front of Ms. Jin here? I'm not supposed to, but it seems there is a need to talk to you both together now."

"Please go ahead. I really don't care anymore." I was feeling brash for a change. 

"You have scored rather highly on some criteria, and also explained to me that you've experienced some hallucinations. Is there anything that Ms. Jin has done that might have made you think she's done such things?"

"She's just crazy! I've never done such things!", Miho butt in, not missing a beat. 

"Who are you calling crazy?! You are the one who's messed up!" I felt strong, fighting back. 

"You ABANDONED me! You cruel woman!"

Abandoned…? Is that what Miho felt?

"And I thought… I thought… God, FUCK THIS SHIT!", Miho jumped up from her seat and kicked the seat away. 

"Ms. JIN! Please calm down!"

"She… she… she…", Miho couldn't continue her words. She was pointing at me and her hand was trembling. 

Tears.

I saw her eyes swell up with tears and they started to roll down her marble cheeks. She looked sad. Hurt. Like an abandoned child who met her parents again but couldn't feel happy because of the resentment. I felt a thump of guilt in my heart. I never thought Miho was someone who was capable of crying. Not after having seen her do the things she does. 

"Ms. Jin. Please sit down."

"I hate you. Fuck both of you.", Miho spat out the words dripping with hatred and ran out of the room.

Something came over me. 

Something crazy. 

Something that I shouldn't have done.

I ran after the crazy woman.