Twelve

"Mamma?" I tugged gently at the hem of her sleeve, watching her lashes flutter as she woke. My baby sister was snuggled in her arms, softly gurgling as she slept.

"Jaynie..." blinking, Mamma looked around. "Its still dark...are you alright?"

"Yes." Leaning closer so I did not disturb Frank, I lowered my voice. "What did you name the baby?"

"Is that what you wanted?" she smiled, her whisper matching mine. Tenderly she used one hand to pull me close, pressing a kiss against my brow.

"Frank likes Elizabeth, I was thinking Sarah. What-?" she saw my frown. "You don't like them?"

"Well," looking down at the infants sleeping features, I shook my head. "If I had to choose, I would call her ue-zjee-zjee'dkah."

"Jaynie," I saw her instant protest, the slight confusion in her eyes. "I'm not sure."

"You can call her Rose," I interjected hurriedly. "Look at her lips and cheeks, aren't they the color of the wild ones that grow behind the house?"

"Oh, sweetheart," she held me close, repeatedly kissing my temple and cheek. "I think Rose is perfect, just perfect."

"What will Frank say?"

"He'd say you girls are talkin' enough to wake the baby." He rolled over, yawning. "Now get back to bed before Rose wakes up and sees you, there'll be no getting her back to sleep then."

"Yessir," I giggled, letting a finger trace along the edge of her blanket. "Goodnight."

Easing the bedroom door closed behind me, I took a moment to look outside, the moonlight gleaming off the flat snow covered land. It looked like crystal glass, perfect and unbroken. Moving to the window, my breath fogged up the pane, obscuring the view. My reflection was distorted now, showing only my dark hair and brown skin. For a fleeting moment I saw the face of my papa, then it was gone.

"I won't forget," I breathed softly in promise. "I won't forget."

That night I dreamed again, the same dream as before, my sister Rose grown and beautiful. We were walking arm in arm, smiling, happy, and I heard my name called, a wonderful sound in my Papa's tongue. I turned, startled. Wind Runner was at the end of the street, stretching his hand out toward me, beyond him the wild open space of the prairie. Converging like a sea of hungry wolves, white men swarmed around the brave warrior, rifle barrels gleaming in the sunlight. I screamed warning, but my voice was gone. I move to run to him but I felt my arm jerk back, held fast in a tight grip.

"No, Jaynie," my sister's voice was sweet, persuasive, but her eyes were utterly flat, emotionless. "Let the savage die. You don't need him."

I fought against her, struggling to get free but her fingers dug into my arm, blood dripping from beneath her nails. Thunder cracked wretchedly loud in the stillness. I watched in horror as Wind Runner fell, his body shuddering wildly with each impact of rifle bullets. His expressive black eyes found mine, clinging to me as life faded from them, his body sagging to the ground. I started screaming.

"Let the savage die, Jaynie," Rose's voice was a whisper in my ear. "Let the savage die."

"He'ya (no)!" I shrieked the word, feeling the loud wail rip from me as if pulled by an evil spirit. It echoed loudly, banging against my eardrums, pounding like endless drums. The sound would not stop, would not cease rippling through my soul like a lost banshee. I didn't realize I was still screaming until Frank's hand clamped over my mouth, stifling the high pitched howling.

"Hush girl!" his low voice was next to my ear. "It's alright now, it's alright!"

"Shee-chah ee-hahn'blay (evil spirits)!" I fought free of him, cramming my hands tight over my ears. "Ay-pee ee-yue'day ee-hahn gyea (they try to destroy me)!"

"Hush, Butterfly, hush now." He tried to soothe me but I was frantic, images of blood and death swirling with vivid clarity through my mind. Terror seized hold.

"I won't let them get me, I won't!" vehemently shaking my head I shrieked the words repeatedly, my voice rising as my panic rushed unabated. Frank tried to soothe and quiet me, but I was beyond all comfort. Another loud wail pierced the din, a petulant, worrisome cry. It was Rose. My screaming had woken the baby, and frightened her.

"Frank!" Mamma's voice came above the keening, and she sounded scared. "Frank, is she alright?"

"Ee'naahh!" It was a loud, long sound, torn from the depths of my soul. "Ee'nnaaah!"

"Jaynie!" She was up the ladder in a flash, by my side faster than a rattler snake could strike. Her warmth pushed Frank aside, her scent enveloping me as her arms hugged me close. I was brought close to her body, held tight against the fast beating of her heart.

"I'm right here baby...right here," tucking her chin over the top of my head, she signaled her husband. "Frank, please go see to Rose, she won't stop crying on her own."

"You alright?"

"Fine, just please- Jaynie," her attention turned to me, her lips against my hair. "Tell me about it sweetheart, tell me. What's happened?"

"Mamma...I'm frightened-!" the words were hard to say, hard to admit, but terror had captured my heart, darkening it with black fear.

"Frightened of what, baby? There's nothing to scare you here."

"My dreams," the tears started then, flowing hard, and I didn't attempt to stop them. "My dreams say death is coming!"

"Dreams?" her lovely green eyes were confused, but tender. "Tell me about them, Jaynie."

"I am grown," I hiccupped uncontrollably, my face wet with tears. "A woman of full years, and there is a man, an Indian of my people. In town, they kill him, and when I try to help, to go to him I cannot. He dies, and they tell me a savage is no good, to let him die, but they are looking at me when they say it. Die, die, a savage is bad...it was me dying, my blood on the street. A savage is bad and should be killed!"

"Jaynie, baby-"

"I don't want to die Ee'nah, I don't want to die!"

My voice rose again and Mamma tucked me tight inside her arms, burying my body away from the world, rocking gently. I don't know what soothing words she spoke or how long she held me, but gradually the panic faded and my terror went with it. My heart stopped thundering so painfully, and the harsh jerk of my hiccups eased. Peeking out between soaked lashes, I saw the dim glow of a fire from the hearth below casting shadows on the ceiling.

"Ee'nah, oun she la yea."

"What?" her warmth backed off a little, and my head tilted up to look into her eyes. "What do you mean 'forgiveness'?"

"I am weak," I whispered softly. "I could not fight off bad dreams."

"That doesn't make you weak, Jaynie, it only makes you a child, and you are. Barely eleven." Her fingers trailed over my cheek, lovingly. "Is that the whole of the nightmare, nothing else?"

"Yes- I mean, there's nothing more."

"Jaynie." Her tone was knowing. "You tell me the truth."

"It...it was Rose."

"Your sister?" Alarm bloomed in her eyes. "Was she in your dream?"

"Yes." I tried to sound brave, but it rang false to my ears. "She was frightening, Mamma, full of hatred and darkness. She wanted me to die too! She's going to hate me, Mamma! She's going to hurt me!"

"It was a nightmare, Jaynie." Her kiss was wonderful, soothing. "Rose will love you, even as I do. She will never hurt you, and will always want to protect you, just like me...and Frank. Those dreams are not real...just the frightened fantasies of a girl whose father was taken from her too soon. Don't let them worry you, Butterfly."

"What's going to happen to me, Mamma?" snuggling against her body, I wrapped my arms around her neck, trembling. The warmth of her hands stroked along my shoulders and back.

"You're going to grow up Jaynie, and you're going to be beautiful."

"Am I going to be Yanktonai, or white?"

"Both, sweetheart," she kissed my hair fiercely, then again as she pulled me very close to her. "The very best of both. I promise."

I fell asleep against her, the softness of her body next to mine, her arms comforting around me, the beat of her heart in my ear. When I woke again it was to the thick rich scent of coffee and fresh biscuits in the oven. Alone in my bed, I rolled over, grasping for my mother only to find her gone. Sitting up I looked over the railing to the room below, seeing Mamma rocking in her chair, my sister Rose nursing in her arms. She must have heard me, because Mamma looked up and smiled, finding me watching.

"Morning sweetheart. You feel better?"

"Yes Mamma." It wasn't strictly true, but the darkness that had so tightly enveloped me the night before had faded. I rubbed my knuckles across my eyes. "Where is Frank?"

"Feeding the stock. He'll be back in a little while. Are you hungry?"

"No." I wanted to be alone now, to think. Shedding my sleeping gown I pulled on my winter dress, the blue wool hot in the stuffy air of my loft. Climbing down the ladder, I approached my mother, tentatively reaching out to touch the baby. Mamma adjusted a little to turn the infant's face toward me, her small pink cheeks pale compared to the dusky brown of my fingers. Pulling back, I tucked my hands into my skirt.

"Can I go out Mamma?"

"Where? Everything's covered in snow."

"Maybe down to the creek? Or to visit Nettie?"

"No, I don't want you going that far by yourself in this weather, but you can walk down by the water if you want, just don't get dirty."

"Yes ma'am."

I passed Frank on the way, his tall form bent over forking hay into stalls he'd just cleaned out. His breath misted out from between his lips in giant clouds of fog, rising like smoke from open flame. Pausing, I watched him for a moment, the way he moved, the bands of muscles rolling under his heavy shirt. In that moment I began to see a glimmer of why Mamma liked him, what she saw in this white man that made her trust him and want to be cared for by him. Just then, Frank looked up and saw me.

"Hey Butterfly. You feel better?" At my silent nod he smiled. "Where you headin'?"

"For a walk." I gestured toward the snow-covered trees that lined the creek. "Mamma said I could."

"Sure," he winked good naturedly at me, humor in his eyes. "You missin' school?"

There was a moment of silence as we studied each other. Frank knew as well as I that school was a heavy tax on my daily life, that I hated it more than most anything else. Keeping my features absolutely still, I nodded my head.

"Yes, it hurts my heart to be away from the classroom."

Frank laughed, shaking his head at me as he turned back to his work.

"Get goin' you little Injun- and don't get dirty!" He called after me as I sprinted for the trees.

Leaving the house behind me, I raced along the crest of the knoll before dropping along its length, still at a full run. The white powder on the ground spat up in flurries behind my feet, kicked up by the heel of my boots. Cutting a tight turn, I ran straight for the creek leaping high to clear the thin strip of nearly frozen water. Landing solidly on the other side, I raced up through the trees, reaching the top of a gentle hill where I slid to a stop. Heart pounding, blood humming, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, soaking in the freedom of the open sky.

It was absolutely still, nothing stirring about me. It seemed to me in that moment that the world stopped breathing, stopped moving, nature hushed and waiting, watching to see what would happen in the moment of crystal silence.

"How moosh kay,"

A smile curved my lips at the sound of his voice and I slowly turned, seeing Wind Runner walking up the hill toward me. He had grown since the day I had seen him last, taller, more muscular, his dark eyes sharper.

"How kola," I responded, smiling. "Are your people back to their winter lodges now?"

"For some weeks," he told me, grinning. "I am out to see the sky before the next storm."

"You kept your promise,"

"Did the daughter of our people doubt my word?" Reaching my side, he knelt down, coming to eye level with me.

"No, my heart is glad you are here. There is something I would speak to you of,"

"Oh?" his thick brow arched at my words, and I suddenly wondered at how comfortable I felt with a man who I knew so little about. Yet that did not stop me from speaking.

"I have had a dream, the same dream, two times. It is full of evil things and death. How do I escape it?"

"The realm of dreams is not mine," he answered carefully, searching my eyes. "That belongs to Stalking Elk. He communes with the spirits better than anyone else."

"Is he your Medicine Man?"

"Yes." Wind Runner settled on his haunches, watching as I did the same. Together we looked out over the snow-covered landscape. The world looked clean and new, refreshed and reborn after a winter storm.

"Little Butterfly," he said softly, and I turned my head to face him. His look was tender.

"I would have you return with me, to our people. You are a daughter of the Great Spirit, and have no place among the white man. Are you still determined to grow up surrounded by them?"

"I gave my word," I reminded him quietly, feeling my heart lurch with yearning to go with him. "Until I am no longer a child, I must stay with my mother, and my sister."

"Sister?" he looked at me with surprise. I smiled.

"She is called Rose, the daughter of my mother and her husband, Frank Colter."

"She is white-"

"She is my sister!" My harsh response startled him, but Wind Runner's eyes narrowed in anger.

"You have forgotten how to act, living among the white eyes." he stood, clearly angry. "A girl does not interrupt a man when he speaks!"

"A man does not think so much of his own voice!" I snapped back, leaping to my feet. Wind Runner met my gaze, his own veiled and expressionless. In that moment I realized how much I had changed. Tears formed in my eyes as I dropped my gaze from his.

"Own she la yea," I whispered, shamed badly for my conduct. "I have forgotten what it is to live among my people."

"Ah kay wan chee keyn ktay low (it was good to see you again)," His hand closed gently over my shoulder, squeezing slightly. Alarm vibrated through my veins but my chin sank lower.

"You are leaving? Please stay, I have not seen you for so long,"

"Nee chewy ta (you are cold)," he said softly, brushing his fingers beneath my chin to lift it up. "Go home. We will see each other again."