Fourteen

I did not look back, running as hard from Frank as I could. Bursting into the house, I startled my mother who was standing over the stove, cooking. Gasping, stirring spoon in hand, she stared at me, the other hand over her heart.

"Jaynie Colter! You nearly frightened me to death!"

"I'm sorry Mamma," closing the door, I tried hard not to throw my school things into the corner. Fury was still writhing in my veins like a snake. "Is Rose sleeping?"

"Yes, she was fussy today." Mamma studied me before turning back to her pots. "I think she was missing you. Did you have a good day?"

Studying her back, I thought perhaps she did not know about Sammy Hayes, and the supposed Indian attack. If she had, I would be hearing about it.

"Yes, well enough. I learned about animals, and the way the land is shaped. Can I go see her?"

"Do you have homework?"

"Spelling lessons."

"Well, you can do that tonight I suppose. Wash up first, and don't wake Rose up, okay?"

I was sitting next to her cradle when I heard Frank come into the house, and his deep inquiry as to where I was. After a moment the bedroom door creaked open and our eyes clashed. Lightning flashed in the storm cloud gray of his irises.

"What's the idea of you runnin' off like that? I wasn't done talking to you." It was growled low, so as not to wake the baby.

"I was done listening." I shot back, just as quietly. He came in, settling on the edge of the bed. Our furious gaze held.

"When I have somethin' to say to you, you'll listen to the whole of it, Butterfly."

"So a savage is not allowed to-"

"Stop it!" He hissed the warning at me, the skin around his mouth tight. "You are not a savage! You know better!"

"But Wind Runner does not?" Curling my lip I glared at Frank. He glared back, our battle of wills hushed while Rose slept on. "You cannot hide the truth, Frank! You think he attacked Sammy, you blame him without proof, just like everyone else!"

Suddenly, to my surprise Frank dropped his gaze, blowing a long breath from his nose. Leaning forward, he pulled long fingers through his inky black hair.

"Yeah...yeah maybe I did." His admission shocked me into silence. "I try to be fair, open minded, but you called it little one. When danger struck close to home, I reckon I jumped the gun. But you're wrong about why."

Sliding off the bed, he settled to the floor at eye level with me.

"I'm not agreeing with the opinion that every Indian is bad, they're just like all other folks, some good, some not. What bothers me, what maybe I didn't explain so well, is that every time there's trouble with an Indian, every time someone has reason to hate, fear, or blame one...it's going to come down on you. You, Butterfly, you're goin' to feel the weight of it every time, regardless of right or wrong. Folks need someone to blame, someone to take their fear and anger out on. This boy, Wind Runner, if he's involved, even if he's not, the blame is going to come back to you, and it won't be a good thing."

"That's not fair!"

"No, it's not, but that's why I want to protect you Butterfly, you're my daughter. I never had a family before, and maybe I ain't figured out how to be a good father yet...but I'm trying. Can you understand what I mean?"

"Yes." I couldn't manage above a whisper, for emotion was making my throat tight. "I am not accustomed to having a father, and I have yet to understand how to be a good daughter."

"If we work at it," he whispered back, starting to smile. "I think we'll make a pretty good team."

"I would like that."

Cautiously he edged closer, snaking an arm around my shoulders. After a tense moment, I shifted my weight to lean into him. Frank's arms went around me in a full, warm hug as I gradually relaxed into the embrace. I felt his chin come to rest against the top of my head.

"What'd you learn today, Butterfly?" he asked, meaning school. I let a smile curve my lips.

"That I have much growing up to do, and that I will need help to do it well." My answer was met with a moment of silence then Frank chuckled softly, tightening his arms.

"Well, I reckon I know a thing or two about growing up. I'll help you, as much as you'll let me."

Our truce carried on through the rest of the day and past dinner. Mamma helped me with my spelling lessons once we cleared the table, but I was learning rapidly and did not need as much guidance this time. She let me hold Rose after I finished, rocking her gently, talking gibberish to her while she wiggled happily in my arms. At bedtime, Mamma tucked me in and kissed me goodnight. Frank stood on the ladder, looking kindly into my eyes.

"Sleep well girl."

"I will."

"Alright then," gently clipping my chin with his fingers, he winked at me before leaving me to sleep.

Sometime during the night I woke, every sense alert and tingling. What had woken me? Lying still, I listened. A sharp ping of sound came from the window, and I glanced that way. The house often rumbled and murmured at night, the changing temperatures shifting the wood, so I waited. Another persistent tap sounded, and I sat up. Moving from my pallet to the glass, I looked out and down, then looked again. Wind Runner!

In the bright moonlight, he stood well-lit against the white snow. He'd been tossing leather wrapped rocks against my window to wake me, but not accidentally break the glass. Seeing me up and watching him, he gestured at me to come down. Pushing at the pane, I opened it, feeling the bit of cold air surge into the loft. Speaking softly, knowing it would carry easily on the night air, I asked what he was doing.

"Come, speak with me."

"I am not supposed to."

"Are you afraid?" Even at the distance between us I could see the gleam in his eyes. I shook my head.

"No,"

"Then come."

"How? I will wake my father."

Wind Runner held up his arms in answer, a sly grin on his lips. I felt my heart leap, the lure of adventure too great to ignore. Grabbing a thick blanket from the bed I wrapped it around my shoulders. Climbing from the window, I perched on the edge for a brief instant before launching myself into the air. It was absolute freedom, the weightless feeling of floating midair and my heart took flight. Then I was in Wind Runner's arms, caught safely and gently. He grinned at me.

"You have no fear."

"Why should I?" I countered. "You are my brother, my blood."

"I am," he agreed. Keeping me in his arms, he started off through the snow. Silent, willing to wait and see, I lay relaxed against him as he brought me beyond the yard to where a pony was waiting. Looking for my reaction, he glanced at me.

"Will you come?"

"I must be back in bed before the sun rises."

Smiling, he put me on the pony's back, hopping up behind me. Because of my bare feet, I sat sideways on the horse, the heavy blanket tucked around me. Starting off, we rode in silence until the yard was behind us, the moonlight our only witness now.

"Wind Runner," I was hesitating, but I had to ask. "Frank Colter told me about something that happened, about the attack on a white boy this morning."

"Hahn (yes),"

I could not tell by his answer if he knew of it already, or if he was encouraging me to continue. So I persisted.

"Do you know about it?"

"I would have killed him, had he been a man."

"It was you!" Astonished, I turned to face him. "Why would you do that?"

"I saw him today, saw that he wanted to hurt you. He is nothing, a worthless sack of flesh. He will know better now."

"They will be angry," I said, meaning the parents and adults in the nearby town. "You will be in danger."

"If the white father you live with will not protect you, I will." He snapped, abruptly angry. "What would your own father have done-?"

He stopped speaking suddenly, well aware we were not to speak of the dead. His breath was hot against my cheek when he looked down into my eyes.

"You are alone, little one, away from the fires of your people. I will not leave you without safeguard."

"Frank says if bad things happen because of trouble with our people, the white village will blame me. He says they need someone to blame, someone to hate. When you act that way you are not protecting me, but putting me in worse danger."

He started to protest that, but then stopped, shaking his head. Over his brow long locks of black hair lay against dusky brown skin. We rode in silence past the stream winding through our property, through the trees gilded in snow and frost, and up onto the high prairie. There he urged the pony faster and we loped along the white landscape beneath the moon.

In the white fire darkness the land came alive, taking on an energy and breath of its own. I could feel the currents of growth and vitality all around me, as if the earth was shifting and moving with us as we rode. A feeling of connection overcame me, surging up from the soil through the legs of the horse into my flesh, muscle and bone. Goosebumps rose along my skin as I felt whispers of my ancestors murmur in my ears, all the voices of those who had walked this land before me. My heart pumped with their blood, my lungs inhaling air for theirs, my eyes seeing the land through their experience and love. It was love, I realized, feeling tears prickle at my eyes, it was a love of freedom, of life, of unity, it was the blessing of those who were one with everything around them.

Behind me Wind Runner leaned closer, the beat of his heart discernable through his layers of heavy buckskin. Slowing the horse to a stop, we crested the top of a snowy plateau, a long white valley extending out before us, dotted with slow moving patches of black. The herd of buffalo stretched to the far horizon, a living blanket of beating hearts and pumping blood.

"You can feel it, can't you," he murmured to me, and breathless unable to speak, I nodded. "That is what it is to be one of the People, to live alongside nature as the Great Spirit intended. The land is alive, little Butterfly, it has a beating heart, a spirit."

I tried to speak, to tell him what I was feeling, but I couldn't stop my lips from quivering, more tears building until they spilled freely from my eyes. Seeming to know what I was feeling, Wind Runner put his arms around me, tucking my smaller form into the heat of his body while I wept. Overcome, I was unable to explain to myself even why I was crying. I felt everything and nothing all at once, feeling ancient and wise, even as I was fresh and innocent. Beginning softly, almost chanting, I began to sing and after a moment, Wind Runner joined in.

"O Great Spirit, whose voice I hear on the wind, and whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me.

"I am small and weak, I need your strength and wisdom.

"Let me walk in beauty, and let my eyes ever behold the red and purple sunset. Teach my hands respect for the things I have made and make my ears eager to hear your voice. Teach me wisdom so that I may understand the things you have taught my people. Make me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

"I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy- myself.

"Guide me, so I will always be ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes, so when life fades, as the fading sunset, my spirit may come to you without shame."

We were silent for a moment, then I felt my companion looking intently at me and glanced up into his eyes. The black orbs glinted with wonder and respect.

"Ta'ku?(what)"

"That is an old prayer. I did not think you knew of it."

"My father taught me,"

Wind Runner nodded sagely, turning his pony for my home. I realized he assumed I meant Napayshni, but I had not. Frank Colter had learned that prayer from a wise old Yanktonai chieftain many years ago, and in turn had taught it to me the night of my first nightmare. Many times since then, he'd reminded me of it. Until that moment I had not realized how much I respected Frank...it was only in that moment I understood that I loved him.