Ch:5: A really stupid Murder mystery part: 1

Sao, March 6, 2024, Flour: 56: Pani.

Asuna, Kirito, balls, TRF, Sinon, Kirina and Yuuki along with a giant guild known as the knights of the blood oath, were in a cave discussing on how to defeat the 56th flour boss.

Asuna: *slams her fist on the table*"That's it! That's how we'll beat him. Sheeptar the sheep king, your reign is at an end."

Balls: "if that thing hadn't already killed 7 of us, I'd say that this was a really stupid boss"

 Kirina: "it looks like something I drew with my left hand."

Asuna: " we'll get just close enough to aggro him. Then, our archers will kite him all the way to the village. Once he's there, he'll be too distracted killing NPC's to notice us. Then, we move in for the kill."

Kirito: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! We can't just go around sacrificing NPCs! Some of our best friends have been NPCs."

Asuna: That makes way too much sense...

???: "we must save my family!"

TRF: "Ya see?! Some of 'em even have fa-a-a-a-a.... * his expression darkens, his eye pupils go small and start to flicker flames*... GARY. Excuse me, me and 2 of my friends have to go say "hi" to an old friend, won't be a minute." *starts walking over to Gary*

Kirito: *same expression as TRF, except his eyes don't flicker flames* "I have been wanting to do this since he just left our hearts to be kicked 6ft under, boy he is fucked." * follows TRF*

Sinon: " to be honest, if I was him right now, I would've wished we were better off strangers. But... * has the same expression as Kirito.* this is what happens when you betray us bitch." *follows the both of them*

 TRF: " Hey, Gary, long time no see!"

Gary: We must save my family—AGGHHH!! 

sinon: *stabbing Gary over and over* YEAH! Betcha didn't expect to see us again, did'ja, punk?! 

Gary: WE MUST SAVE MY FAMIL—AGH!! 

TRF, kirito, Sinon: *still stabbing him* "YOU LEFT US TO DIE, YOU BASTARD!!! THIS IS FOR SACHI! CHOKE IN IT! CHOKE ON OUR VENGEANCE! HOW DOES IT TASTE!? AH-HA HAHA HAHAHA!!-"

Yuuki: "damn, Well he found his life's purpose: A warning to others."

Balls: *visibly unnerved* " Yeah, you know what, maybe he has a point. This is super-uncomfortable"

Kirina: " yeah, Now you're just saying that. since you fight like a dairy farmer."

Balls: *pissed*"oh, fuck off Kirina!"

Kirina: "And fuck you too."

Yuuki: "nice one!" *high fives kirina*

___________________________

Sao, April 11, 2024, flour: 59: Danac.

Kirito was laying in the middle of the field underneath a tree, taking a small nap, while TRF was also doing the same thing right next to him, except Sinon, Kirina and yuuki were sleeping beside him and on top of him.

TRF: "dude... What was that mushroom made of."

Kirito: "I don't know man, but it seems like they're interested in you." *points at the girls with him*

TRF: "huh. I see your point. Anyways, I heard they just took down the stupid boss."

Kirito: "really? I thought they died"

TRF: "if they did, you would be crying over Asuna by now, *mimiking*Asuna why! Why did you do this to me!"- PFFFFFFFHT-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!"

Kirito: *blushes and embarrassed* "oh fuck you man! This is how you've inspired so many people to violence! Also, you would do the same if one of the 3 girls you like died!"

TRF: *blushes* "welp, can't argue with that. Do you have more of those plants by the way?"

Kirito: "yeah, why?"

TRF: "I'm hungry, so let's eat them."

Kirito: "*sigh* fine then."* tosses a bag of wierd plants at TRF and he catches it*

TRF, Kirito: *grab's plant.* "itadakimasu!" *they start eating*

Timeskip: brought to you by TRF and Kirito eating the wierd plants (never do it irl by the way) while Sinon, Kirina and yuuki sleeping on TRF's lap. 

After they had eaten the plants And were taking a nap Asuna came up and then stood over them.

Asuna: *sarcastic*"sooo... how's your day goin'? You're looking pretty relaxed there buddies."

Kirito: "Ahh, pretty good. This grass feels amazing."

TRF: "you tell me, this feels like a fluffy cushion."

Asuna: "Cool, cool. You, uh... you guys wanna know what I did today?"

TRF: "not really..."

Kirito: " not particularly, but I suspect that wasn't a real question-"

Asuna: " I WAS FIGHTING GOD DAMN SHEEPTAR!! It was great! You should've been there! He was climbin' the walls, spittin' acid—"

kirito: "We're still talking about a sheep, right? Not, like, a fluffy Xenomorph?"

Asuna: "It's a really stupid boss! "

Kirito: "Apparently not that stupid if it managed to kill seven of you."

TRF: "What, he said."

Asuna: "*sigh*Twelve now, actually..."

TRF: "..... now I'm really disappointed in your guild."

Kirito: "Ah. That's the thing. But I mean you survived so hey: silver lining."

Asuna: "okay, what the hell is wrong with you two? You're way to... mellow."

Kirito: "well, we had some time to kill before the raid. So TRF figured that we'd power level our alchemy skills a bit by eating some wierd plants that I picked. And now everything's... just great."

Asuna: "Oh. My. God. I can't believe this! You two along with sinon are the ones that insisted that we couldn't use NPC's as bait! And then you go in-!!"

kirito (stoned): " Asuna, Asuna, Asuna, look, okay, We get it. You had a really bad day. You're stressed out, seven people died—"

Asuna: "TWELVE PEOPLE!"

TRF (stoned): "Not the point he had. Look, they're dead now. And really, whose fault is that?"

Asuna: "YOURS!! "

TRF (stoned): "That's right — no one's. So why don't you lie down, relax, and watch the stars with us next to Kirito?"

Asuna: "It's two in the afternoon! There are no stars!" 

Kirito (stoned): "Only if you're looking with your eyes." 

Asuna: "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!"

Kirito (stoned) "Only one way to find out..."

Asuna: *beat* "You'd better come down soon so I can kick your teeth in."

Timeskip: brought to you by TRF, Sinon, Kirina and Yuuki taking a nap together along with Kirito and asuna.

TRF had now awoken to see Kirito drawing on Asuna's face and that all the other girls which weren't asleep, were now giggling while sitting by the tree.

TRF: "* yawns* that was relaxing* stretches* hey kirito, whatcha doing?"

Kirito: "my finest work of art yet *looks at TRF* *chuckles* and what about you fire breath"

TRF: "huh? What do you mean by... that.... * realises that the girls did the same thing as Kirito except they drew dragon on your face* OH COME ON! REALLY!?"

Everybody was laughing and TRF was chasing Sinon, Kirina and yuuki around the tree with a pen in hand while the girls he was chasing laughed.

Kirina: *running* "HAHA! That was perfect!"

Sinon: *running* " we are so dead! * giggles*"

Yuuki: *running* "I Want to do that again! HAHA!"

TRF: *running* "GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HAVE REVENGE!!"

A little bit later:

The girls (except Asuna) were now by sitting by the tree again, but now with wierd doodles on their faces caused by a certain someone with a marker, along with them now having cards in their hands. Kirito was sitting on the rock wall looking at the view while TRF was relaxing on a branch on the tree looking at some cards he was holding.

(TRF: *brakes the 4th wall once again* "dude just say we're playing 'go fish'")

(A/N: *tries repairing the wall* God damn it TRF! Why!?)

(TRF: "just wanted to say hi friend")

(A/N: *sigh* just Switch to your POV while I repair the god damn wall!!)

TRF's POV:

Let's see... I've got some 7's, some 4's and some 1's. Oh! I know!

Me: "Sinon, do you have any... 3's?"

Sinon: "damn it! Ugh! * flops backwards making her lay on the grass* Go fish... How are you so good at this?!"

Kirina: "Yeah! How? You beat us all, including Kirito, about 3 times already."

Me: "played a lot of card games when I was in pre-school, I was called the king of 'go fish'."

Yuuki: "well, they definitely had the right to call you that, on the first go you beat us all under 2 min."

Me: "would have been quicker, I held back a little."

Third person POV: 

When finished talking, asuna started waking up with whiskers and a black circle around one of her eyes, which Kirito drew on her. Once she woke up she turned to Kirito and then was startled.

Kirito: "Hey, sleepy-head~! How was your—?" *yelps and quickly takes cover behind a fence as Asuna is about to draw her sword.*

Asuna: "Tell me what you did, right now, and you may live!" 

Kirito: *peeping out from behind the fence* "Idrewwhiskersonyourface!"

Asuna: "... What."

Kirito: "I drew cat whiskers on your face! I thought it would be funny and it was!"

Asuna: "Is... is that all?"

Kirito: "Um, yeah? You were asleep, What else would I have done?"

TRF: "yeah, what else?"

All the other girls: "yeah, tell us?"

Asuna: you can't be serious! Their assholes along with my sis, but their this innocent!? "*sputtering* well... I... i-I mean... you know! You-you could've... you guys wanna get something to eat?"

Everyone: "...eh, ok"

_______________________

Sao, same day, flour: 57: Martin.

Kirito: "ah, restaurant. The finest cuisine in all of Aincrad." He said sarcastically as everyone was sitting in a restaurant eating for some food.

Asuna: "Oh, my god. Are you really going to complain about a free meal? *sighs*Serves me right for trying to do something nice for you."

TRF: "hey! I'm not complaining! Nothing tastes better than Free food!"

Kirito: "Yeah, remind me to draw on your face more often, I'll eat like a king... Or, at least, a very wealthy janitor." 

Kirina: "Nice idea bro, I'll join you with that one along with TRF if he allows his face to be drawn on."

TRF: " No thank you, my face is not a drawing board."

Asuna: "This coming from the guy along with another who both eats random plants from off the ground?"

Kirito: "Oh, really? Who is dumber, me and TRF or the one who takes a nap next to some crazed drug fiends?"

Asuna: "Need I remind you that you guys were the drug fiends?" 

Kirito: "Pfft. I can't held responsible for Stoned Kirito! That guy's an idiot!" 

TRF: "same along with stoned TRF! He literally set a town on fire!"

Asuna: "Are you kidding me!? You're both the same person!"

Yuuki: "* notices people stareing at them* umm, guys, people are staring"

Sinon: "no shit, watch this... TRF? Care to join me?"

TRF: "... hell yeah. I'll begin on what's about to happen to these retards"*stands up* "DA FUCK YOU LOOKING AT?!" He shouts and everyone jumps a little back in shock.

"You! You damn prick! Your all famous! And yet you all are dicks!"

TRF: " Really? Because if you all stop staring and trash talking at us, TRF.will.do.something.very.illegal!"

"Phft, Yeah right! You coul-" *gets head slamed through the table by Sinon*

Sinon: "couldn't what? Do that? Well.... you just got destroyed."

"Hey! Your gonna pay for that!" *another guy is about to punch Sinon but got grabbed by the leg and then got thrown out the window by TRF*

TRF: "you just got K.O'd bitch!"* notices another guy trying to surprise him but then he grabbed his waist then lifts the guy over him and slams the guy's head on the wall.* 

"You bastard! You will be dropped foe!"

TRF: "dude, the only foe you've dropped are my expectations." *sees Sinon punch the guy through the table*

"BAR FIGHT!!!"

Sinon: "it's a restaurant you retard! but still come at us bitch!"

Somewhere else:

Balls: "ah, that was some good raiding. Wonder what's on the news?" *switches on a TV*

News: "This just in, a massive brawl in a restaurant has occurred on flour 57, we will now show you the clip"

 (Ignore the speaking)

Balls: "*sees TRF and sinon fighting and sees the other 3 look in amusement while Asuna has her mouth hanging open*...how am I not surprised..."

Back at the restaurant:

TRF crashes 2 head together knocking both people out then kick's a person at Sinon which she then slam-dunk's into a chair and then throws a table at a bunch of people, knocking them out. She then throws a bottle at TRF, which he catches and then slams it onto a persons head and then kicks him through a wall. Ending the fight. TRF and sinon then hug each other then sit back down with the others while everyone else is in pain on the flour, ceiling, wall and window.

TRF: "damn I haven't had that much fun in a while, it was nice to blow off some steam."

Sinon: "it was more nice fighting along side you, snow king."*kisses TRF's forehead*

TRF: *blushes* "heh, thanks blueberry." *sinon blushes while yuuki and kirina stare at them with a hint of jealousy.

Asuna: "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!? YOU BOTH JUST DESTROYED A BAR!"

Sinon: "it's called a restaurant. And we didn't destroy it... well, at least not all of it."

Asuna: "I DONT CARE! YOU BOTH WRECKED THE PLACE AND ALSO BEAT UP EVERYONE HERE!"

Kirito: "well, they did have the right to, everyone was staring at us clinging on to their weapons like kittens holding onto a branch."

Asuna: "WHY I-YOU-*sigh* there's no point trying to reasoning with you people."

Just then a scream was heard outside the restaurant.

Kirito: "Oh, looks like we're out of time. We'll have to continue this next week, but in the meantime, please enjoy these lovely consolation prizes from the "kirito is always right foundation"

Asuna: "oh my god, you people are insufferable."

They then noticed a man with Armor hanging from a bell tower with a red, spiky sword sticking out of his chest. Along with a giant croud.

Asuna (shocked): "oh my god!"

Yuuki: "huh, look. A human piñata."

Asuna: "sis, he's dying!"

Yuuki: "Uh, correction: he's suffering. The town's a safe zone. Probably hurts like a bitch, but he's not gonna die in here."

Man: "Help... me..."

Kirito: "Hey man! When you pop, could you try to send some candy over this way?"

TRF: "yeah! Give us some fucking candy!" 

Asuna: "ugh! I'm gonna go cut him down, you jackasses"

Kirina: "we'll save you a kitkat, second in command buddy."

TRF then spawned some seats and they all sat down on them while yuuki rushed towards the human piñata.

Yuuki: "Hey, anybody got like a thirty-foot stick? I wanna take a crack at this thing."

TRF: "go get him yuuki!"

Man: "please... help..."

Kirina: "oh, don't be such a drama queen. Asuna's gonna have you down any-" *got cut off by the man in Armor dying and the sword strucking itself into the ground with a loud clank*

Sinon: "aww..."

Yuuki: "Huh... so did anybody see where the candy went, or...?"

Asuna: "For Christ's sake guys, a man just died! Let it go!"

Kirito: "Once again, Asuna, you can't die in a safe zone. It must have been an event or a prank, someone messing with an NPC." 

Asuna: *sarcastic* "Oh, yeah. That's a real hilarious prank!"

Kirito: "I know right!?I'm kinda sad We didn't think of it."

TRF: "I did!"

When they were having their conversation, a girl with dark blue hair stepped out of the croud."

???: "Um, excuse me... my name is yolko." She introduced herself when she reached the group "I... knew the man that just died."

TRF: "Hehe... you, uh... you mean NPC... right?"

Yolko: "N-no! His name was kains. We came into town to have dinner, but then we got separated. And then... oh god!" *starts crying and asuna puts her arms around her shoulders*

Asuna: "so, the "Kirito is always right foundation?"

Kirito: "we're, uh, going through a bit of a rough patch."

Sinon: "indefinitely, by some things"

________________________

Time skip: brought to you by yuuki hitting a hanging kains with a thirty-foot stick for candy.

They were now standing outside a hotel.

Yolko: "Thank you for walking me to my hotel. I don't really feel safe walking alone right now."

Asuna: "it's no trouble, but we'd like to ask you some more questions tomorrow if that's alright"

Yolko: "of course."

Kirito: "yeah and don't worry. No one can possibly get you because we're in a safe... zone..."

Asuna: "G'night...!" *yolko closes th door* "smooth"

Kirito: "alright, let's review. We heard a scream, ran outside, and saw the victim, hung by the neck with a sword through his chest. Me and the others don't think it's a coincidence that this took place in town square during our dinner rush. Someone wanted it to be seen." Kirito concluded as the group entered town square.

TRF: "right there with ya buddy, something is definitely off."

Asuna: "Ah yes. but that raises a bigger question."

TRF: "Oh? And what's that?"

Asuna: "WHY DO YOU GUYS EVEN CARE!?"

TRF: "I'm sorry, are you asking me why We care that a man was killed?"

Asuna: "no. I'm asking why YOU GUYS care that a man was killed!"

TRF: "forgive us, but we don't follow."

Asuna: "well, let's see. Most people would, (charitably), refer to you as the crown prince and princesses of douchebags! Long may they reign! Your usual reaction for humans suffering is to pull a chair and crack out the popcorn. What's your angle?"

Yuuki: "sis!! I am shocked and appalled that that was your opinion of us! All we want is to see justice served. And to bring that poor girl some closure"

Asuna: "Really? You guys care that much huh? What's the girls name?"

Kirito: "we're sorry, what?"

Asuna: "the girls name. What... was it?"

TRF: "* sweat drops* I'll let Kirito answer that"

Girls: "what he said"

Kirito: " well,uhm, y-you know it's uhm, st-ah... ah... starts with an 'A'..."

Asuna: "Y!"

kirito: *nervous* "Right! 'Y'! Of course! That's close! I mean they're basically neighbors. You can understand my mistake."

Asuna: * sarcastic* "of course"

Kirito: "it's ah... yo... yo... yo... ya... Yo...ga pants?"

Asuna: "Yolko"

Kirina: "just come clean bro. This is embarrassing."

Kirito: "Alright! fine! God! just wanna prove we were right."

Sinon: "he's right, there's no way that guy's dead! There's something else going on here. And the 5 of us are gonna prove it!"

Asuna: "Wow, how noble of you."

Kirito: "Oh, spare me, Wonder Woman, you're only doing this to prove I was wrong. "

Asuna: "Hey! at least I pretend to be nice to people!"

Kirito: "Yeah, whatever— wait, "pretend"?"

_______________________

Sao, same day, flour: 50: Algade. 

Kirito: "hey, Thunderlion. How's it hangin'?" Kirito asked as the group walked into Tiffany's shop.

Tiff: "Kirito? TRF? Guys? Well, if it isn't my least favourite customers."

TRF: "Nah, you just say that 'cause we're not dumb to buy any of your crap."*he and Kirito fist bump tiff* "and how's Sachi and spitz doing?"

Tiff: "yeah, well if there's one upside to be trapped with these idiots, it's that they'll buy pretty much anything. And Sachi and spitz are doing a fine job TRF, they even made it more lively when spitz nearly burned down the place along with freezing it, haha!"* notices Asuna* "*gasps* *grabs Kirito and TRF and threw the over the counter halfway* What's the matter with you?! Why would you bring her here? I thought we were friends!"

Kirito: "What? I don't understand, what's the problem?" 

Asuna: "Hey, , what is up in dis' hizz-ouse?" She said followed by blubbering noises from behind the counter

Tiffany: " Are you cryin'?!"

Kirito: *trying not to laugh* "there's so much beauty in the world, you know?"

TRF: "*trying no to laugh* spare the irony"*gets out of tiffs grip*

Sachi: *enters with spitz on her head holding a piece of metal in his mouth* "TIFF WE'RE BACK!! WE GOT THE-! * notices TRF and the rest* B-bro?!"

TRF: "heh, hey there sis." *guts hugged by Sachi* 

Sachi: *tears in her eyes* "I'm glad seeing you too bro." *TRF huggs back and then separate*

TRF: "so? How do you like the trouble maker?"*point to spitz*

Sachi: "I like him very much. He even learned to fly now, but only for a short time."

TRF: "Really!? That's amazing! Not even a wolf would not learn how to howl that fast! Can I see him do it?"

Sachi: "Sure! Spitz! *spitz notices* Takeoff!" *spitz then fly's off her head and onto TRF's shoulder*

Spitz: *roars adorably*

TRF: 'haha! *sigh* Sachi, you and spitz never seize to amaze me."

Timeskip: brought to you by yuuki and Asuna having a bonding moment.(aww... how sweet.)

They were all now sat down by a round table while Sachi is at the front with spitz, helping customers.

Asuna: "So dat's da sitch. Think ya can scope da deets on dis gat for us, homie?" *beat*

Tiffany: *trying not to lose his temper*"...Sure thing, Kirito and TRF. Anything for a friend."

Asuna: "Um, but, I'm da one dat asked you, Chocolate Rain. T-Pain? Why you ignorin' me, bro? —" , 

Kirito: "We're really sorry, Tiff'. Grand Wizard Asuna here's not what you'd call a "people person."

Yuuki: "trust that because I'm her sis."

Asuna: "Um, excuse me?! Mr. Kettle, Mr. Pot called. He says you're blaaaaaaaaaaa*beat*-ck. 

Tiffany: "What? It's a turn of phrase, it has got nothing to do with race."

Asuna: "I'm sorry! It's just, you look like a very black man."

TRF and the 3 girls fell on the floor laughing.

Tiffany: "Okay, now you see that? That was racist."

Kirito: *with a shit-eating grin* "Ah, this is great, see? We're learnin' stuff. But in all seriousness, Tiff', could'ja check out this weapon before Asuna starts a full-on race war?"

Tiff: "I'll try, but appraising a wepon like this... it ain't gonna be easy." *he then opened a small menu, and then pressed and held one of the buttons.*

TRF: * sarcastic* "wow, I can see you've really mastered your craft. Baldy."

Sinon: "one punch man reference!"

Tiff: "Hmm... Guilty thorn. Says here it's player-made. Guy by the name of Grimlock. Other than that, nothing wierd about it. Certainly, nothing that let's you get killed in safe zones."

TRF: "um, quick question? How can a big ass robot dinosaur transformer, design a murder weapon about this size?"

Kirito: "Hmm... well, only one way to be sure."*about to stab his hand with the sword, but asuna stops him."

Asuna: "Jesus Christ! What the hell are you doing?!" 

Kirito: " Well clearly, I'm stabbing myself with this sword to see if it kills me— Oh god, what AM I doing?"

Asuna: "This things too dangerous for you to screw around with. Here, T-Fizzle, you take it."

Tiffany: "Ah, handin' the black man a murder weapon. Tale as old as time."

Now the group, except Asuna, we're laughing their hearts out.

______________________

The next day:

TRF barged through the restaurant door, destroying it in the process, then turned to see the group along with yolko, staring at him in shock.

TRF: "sorry I'm late! Some fatty with a stupid villain name from laughing coffin tried attacking me in the dark. Unfortunately for him, The darkness is my ally. Literally."

Kirina: "nice Batman reference."

TRF: "why thank you, so, 'Ass' what did I miss?" *everyone except for Asuna and yolko chuckle*

Asuna: "ok, first of all, NEVER call me that again. Second, yolko was about to explain to how Grimlock's wife's murder."

TRF: "*sigh* just great, finding out that a giant robot dinosaur has a wife when I just came in, just great."*sits down*

Asuna: "you know? You're just awful."

TRF: "says the racist who discriminates black people."

Asuna: "why you-!!"

Yolko: "can I please explain what happened now?"

Kirito: "sure, if it can shut 'Ass' up"

Asuna: "oh, come on!"

Yolko: "anyways, six months ago the guild that kains, Grimlock And I Were apart of, found a extremely valuable item. Rather than fight over it, we decided to sell it and split the profits. But when Grimlock's wife, "griselda" went out to make the sale, she was killed. Since we were the only ones that knew about the item, we realised that the killer had to be one of us. And the guild just... fell apart."

Asuna: "well, that sounds like a motive to me."

TRF,Sinon: "meh, we've killed for less."

Kirito, yuuki, Kirina: "same here."

Asuna: "but why would Grimlock have suspected kains?"

Yolko: "well, when I said that we decided to sell the item, it wasn't exactly unanimous. Kains, I, And another player voted to keep it. A lancer named Schmitt."

Sinon: "sounds like your not a fan. And the name is... familiar."

Yuuki: "does ring a bell"

Yolko: "What?! No! We're still good friends actually."

Kirina: "Schmitt... schmitt... Bro? Why does that name sound familiar?"

Yolko: "You 5 know him?"

Kirito: "I think soo- OOH GOD NO!"

TRF: "NO GOD! NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!!"

____________________

Timeskip: brought to you by TRF crashing the entire sever by still saying NOOOOOOO-!!

They were all now in a room at a Hotel, with Schmitt cowering in his chair.

Schmitt: "I knew it! There finally coming for me! It was only matter of time! The walls are closing in!"

Asuna: "is he always like this?"

Yolko: "only when he's stressed."

Asuna: "well, that's a relief-"

Yuuki: "sis, he's always stressed."

Asuna: "God damnit!"

Yolko: "He used to review games back in the real world. But ever since he got trapped in here, he's been terrified that his more 'verbose' commenters are going to make good on their threats."

Schmitt: " I used to laugh at their comments! You hear me? LAUGH! But now, what if they actually do chop off my limbs, rip out my intestines, and ride me like I'm some sort of meat toboggan!?"

Kirito: "Ya hear that, Asuna? "Meat-Toboggan." Grippin' his entrails like the reins of Santa's sleigh, streaking through the fresh morning snow on a trail of bile and gore, as his eyes beg the same question as horrified children in his wake: "Why?" 

Schmitt: "OH GOD!"

Sinon: "I disagree. I think he got a real flair for this."

Asuna: "That's not helping!"

Yolko: "Wait, no, that can't be it. Caynz was killed in a safe-zone, Grimlock couldn't be the killer."

Kirito, TRF: "THANK YOU! Finally, a voice of reaso-"

Yolko: *panics*"IT MUST'VE BEEN GRISELDA'S GHOST!!! SHE'S RETURNED FROM BEYOND THE VEIL OF DEATH TO WREAK BLOODY VENGEANCE UPON US ALL!!"

Kirito, TRF: "...Did we say "reason?" Sorry, We meant "the screaming monkeys that live in her brain."

Yolko: "it's all our fault, we should've just done what griselda wanted. There's no stopping her judgement now..."

Schmitt: "And you're okay with this!? I don't know about you, but I have a duty to my fans, to survive this game! I mean, to the ones who aren't threatening to use my spine as a pitching wedge."

Asuna: "Settle down, you two. I think we can safely assume a ghost is not the culprit here, right Kirito?"

Kirito: "Of course not. Obviously, it was hit by the mermaid mafia paid in leprechaun gold. But who was the puppet-master? The unicorns? No, they've had a feud going with the mermaids for years..."

TRF: "No, it's obviously because they believe in themselves, because no one else does

Asuna: "DAMN IT, YOU TWO! This is serious! These people's lives are in danger!"

Kirito: "NO their not! For the last time! You can't die in a safe zone!" He said as suddenly a sound of a knife stabbing through flesh was heard. Yolko then turned around for them to see a knife stuck in her back.

Asuna: "Yolko!" She shouted as Yolko fell out the window, hit the ground and died. "Kirito, TRF is she okay!?"

Kirito: "well, I'm not a doctor but... I don't like her chances."

TRF: "And if I'm that doctors boss... I'll say that her chances on surviving are zero."