The Story of E – Chapter 18: The Grand Lawsuit Against Reality
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Previously on The Story of E
The Former King discovered democracy is non-refundable.
The General escaped, only to be legally purchased as a time-share investment.
The High Priest accidentally invented a pyramid scheme and called it religion.
The economy evolved to the point where laws no longer applied to anyone who could afford a lawyer.
E refused to stop talking to the audience.
And now, we witness the inevitable court case that no one saw coming.
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1. The Kingdom vs. Reality (Opening Arguments)
"All rise! Court is now in session!"
The judge, who was also the Minister of Economics, adjusted his golden monocle.
"The case of The Kingdom vs. Reality will now begin."
The Former King stood up first.
"Your Honor! The world is broken beyond repair! I demand compensation!"
The Judge nodded.
"And who exactly are you suing?"
The Former King slammed the table.
"REALITY ITSELF!"
The courtroom went silent.
Then E raised a hand.
"Quick question. What exactly do you plan to do if you win?"
The Former King froze.
"Uh…"
E grinned.
"Exactly."
The Former King sat back down.
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2. The Evidence (Absolute Nonsense)
The High Priest stood up next.
"Your Honor! I have undeniable proof that reality has been mismanaged!"
The Judge sighed.
"Go on."
The High Priest held up a chart.
"This is a detailed timeline of every economic crash, war, and act of divine nonsense that has ruined this kingdom."
The Judge leaned in.
"Fascinating. And what caused these events?"
The High Priest pointed dramatically.
"E."
The courtroom turned to E.
E took a sip of his drink.
"Can't prove it."
The High Priest slammed the table.
"SIR! YOU BOUGHT TIME STOCKS! YOU TURNED RELIGION INTO A SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE!"
The Judge nodded.
"He's got a point."
E shrugged.
"Doesn't mean I broke the law."
The Former King held up a scroll.
"Then what about THIS?!"
The scroll unrolled dramatically.
The Judge read it.
"…This is just a detailed list of your personal failures."
The Former King froze.
"Wait, wrong scroll."
E nodded.
"No, no. Let's read that one."
The Former King threw it into the fireplace.
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3. The Defense (Blatant Gaslighting)
E stood up, adjusting his suit.
"Your Honor, I would like to submit a counter-argument."
The Judge sighed.
"Go ahead."
E held up a single piece of paper.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the official Terms of Service for Reality."
The courtroom muttered in confusion.
The Judge blinked.
"…Reality has a Terms of Service?"
E nodded.
"Did any of you actually read it before existing?"
The courtroom went silent.
The Former King twitched.
"W-What's in it?"
E cleared his throat.
"Section 1: Existence is non-refundable. Section 2: All suffering is user-generated. Section 3: The developers are not responsible for bugs, glitches, or catastrophic failure."
The General leaned forward.
"Who even wrote that?"
E smiled.
"No one knows. But by existing, you all agreed to it."
The Former King screamed.
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4. The Verdict (Not Even Close)
The Judge adjusted his monocle.
"I have reviewed the arguments, and my ruling is final."
The courtroom held its breath.
"E wins."
The Former King slammed the table.
"ON WHAT BASIS?!"
The Judge pointed at the Terms of Service.
"You agreed to reality's conditions by existing."
The Former King collapsed.
"I hate this place."
The General stood up.
"Wait. If he wins… does that mean he owns reality now?"
The courtroom turned to E.
E grinned.
"No, but I can charge rent."
The Former King screamed into his hands.
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5. E Breaks the Fourth Wall Again
E turned to the reader.
"And so, dear audience, justice has been served."
"The Former King? Still suffering."
The Former King began writing a strongly worded complaint to reality.
"The General? Trapped in an economy he doesn't understand."
The General stared at a contract.
"What do you mean my 'personal skills' are now NFT collectibles?!"
"The High Priest? Legally not a cult leader."
The High Priest held up a new sign.
"HOLY TRIANGLE 2.0: NOW WITH MORE BLESSINGS!"
"And me?"
E sipped his drink.
"Still winning."
The Former King collapsed again.
"I hate you so much."
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