The Story of E – Chapter 23: A Refund Policy for the Soul (Because Some Deals Shouldn’t Be Final)
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Previously on The Story of E
E bought himself.
Reality had a breakdown.
People started selling their own emotions.
The economy of existence collapsed.
Common Sense is officially extinct.
A guy named Bob became Emperor because he bought 'Confidence' for $9.99.
Naturally, E was still not satisfied.
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1. The Tragic Tale of Buyer's Remorse (Or: Why You Should Read the Fine Print)
"Sir, we have a problem."
E sighed.
"Again?"
The Administrator of the Soul Exchange trembled.
"People are trying to return their purchases."
E raised a brow.
"Let me guess. Someone sold 'Paranoia' and now regrets not double-checking things?"
"Yes."
"Someone sold 'Fear of Death' and is now casually walking off cliffs?"
"Yes."
"Someone sold 'Empathy' and became a CEO?"
"Yes."
E chuckled.
"I love when people prove me right."
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2. The Rise of the Soul Insurance Industry
"We've developed a solution, sir."
The Administrator nervously slid a contract forward.
[SOUL INSURANCE: GUARANTEED 30-DAY RETURN POLICY ON ALL PERSONALITY TRAITS.]
E glanced at the price.
"One trillion per refund?"
"Supply and demand, sir."
E smiled.
"Perfect. Make it a subscription service."
The economy of existence immediately became a pyramid scheme.
People started leasing emotions instead of owning them.
Loan sharks started collecting unpaid 'Joy' debts.
A guy tried to refund 'Depression' but was out of the 30-day window.
Reality attempted to sue E again.
And that's when Bob the Emperor appeared.
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3. Bob Returns (Now With Too Much Confidence)
"E! You MONSTER!"
Bob pointed dramatically.
E sipped his tea.
"That's Emperor Bob to you."
"YOU TRICKED ME!"
E tilted his head.
"Did I?"
Bob gritted his teeth.
"I bought 'Confidence' and became a ruler overnight! But then I realized... I also needed 'Wisdom'! And now I have NO IDEA what I'm doing!"
E nodded.
"That does sound like a problem."
Bob slammed the table.
"I demand a refund!"
E smirked.
"Do you have Soul Insurance?"
Bob froze.
Then slowly checked his contract.
Then turned pale.
"No…"
E nodded.
"Tough luck, Emperor."
Bob screamed into the void.
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4. The Moment Reality Finally Snapped
At this point, Reality had had enough.
With a cosmic BOOM, it materialized.
"E, YOU ABSOLUTE MENACE."
E grinned.
"Sup."
Reality threw a document at him.
"EXPLAIN THIS!"
E skimmed it.
[URGENT NOTICE: The Concept of 'Being Yourself' Is Now a Luxury Item.]
E blinked.
"Huh. Didn't see that coming."
Reality fumed.
"E, YOU BROKE THE FUNDAMENTAL RULES OF EXISTENCE."
"You mean the ones I own?"
Reality froze.
Then checked the legal paperwork.
Then glitched again.
"…Oh no."
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5. The Endgame Begins
E stood up.
"Alright, I'm bored. Time to make things interesting."
Reality backed away.
"W-what do you mean?"
E smiled.
"I think I'll introduce a new concept."
Reality gulped.
"What concept?"
E snapped his fingers.
And just like that—
A new prompt appeared.
[NOW INTRODUCING: MULTIPLE VERSIONS OF YOURSELF FOR RENT.]
Reality fainted.
Bob screamed.
The Administrator started praying.
And E?
E just turned to the reader.
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6. The Ultimate Question (Again)
"So, dear reader…"
"If you could rent a different version of yourself…"
"Who would you choose?"
A new button appeared.
[VIEW ALTERNATE VERSIONS – FIRST ONE FREE.]
[Reality Screams in the Distance.]
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