The Story of E – Chapter 24: Terms and Conditions May Apply (But We Know You Won’t Read Them Anyway)
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1. Previously on The Story of E
E accidentally became the CEO of Reality.
Bob the Emperor learned that Confidence without Wisdom is a disaster.
People started renting alternate versions of themselves.
Reality filed another lawsuit, which E ignored.
The 'Being Yourself' package now has a premium version.
Naturally, E was still not satisfied.
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2. The Great Variant Rental Crisis
"Sir, we have another problem."
E sighed. Again.
"Let me guess. People are abusing the 'Rent a Variant' system?"
The Administrator nodded.
"We have reports of users renting 'Genius Versions' of themselves to take exams, 'Charismatic Versions' to go on dates, and…"
He hesitated.
"…Someone rented their 'Comically Evil' version and now has a lair under the White House."
E blinked.
"I feel like that last one was going to happen anyway."
"Also, Emperor Bob has rented 'Strategic Genius Bob' to fix his kingdom."
E paused.
Then smiled.
"Oh, this is going to be hilarious."
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3. Bob Meets Bob (The Multiversal Intervention)
Bob sat on his throne, sweating.
Across from him sat Strategic Genius Bob—his rented self.
"So, let me get this straight." Strategic Genius Bob adjusted his glasses.
"You took over a kingdom with raw confidence and no plan?"
Bob nodded.
"Correct."
"And your first law was 'Everyone Must Compliment Me Daily'?"
Bob nodded again.
"Also correct."
Strategic Genius Bob sighed.
"You absolute moron."
Bob shrugged.
"That's why I rented you."
"You do realize I am you, right?"
Bob blinked.
"…Oh no."
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4. The Refund Policy of Reality (Or Lack Thereof)
Meanwhile, back at E's office—
Reality materialized again.
"E, YOU LITERAL MENACE TO ORDER."
E sipped his tea.
"What now?"
Reality slammed a document onto the table.
[WARNING: People are now trying to return their alternate versions.]
E chuckled.
"Let me guess. Someone rented 'Criminal Mastermind Version' and now regrets it?"
"Yes."
"Someone rented 'Ultra Honest Version' and got fired for telling the boss the truth?"
"Yes."
"Bob is trying to return 'Strategic Genius Bob' because he doesn't like being insulted?"
"YES."
E smiled.
"Sounds like a 'Them' problem."
Reality fumed.
"E, YOU CAN'T JUST RUN EXISTENCE LIKE A BUSINESS."
E leaned forward.
"Says who?"
Reality froze.
Then slowly checked the ownership papers.
Then paled.
"Oh no."
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5. The Final Straw (Or: How E Broke the System Again)
At this point, everything was chaos.
Bob tried to duel his own Strategic Genius.
A man who rented 'Super Fit Version' collapsed after the subscription ended.
Someone tried to rent 'God Mode Version' but Reality screamed and deleted it.
E introduced 'Ad-Free Existence' but priced it at infinity.
And then—
E had an idea.
A truly terrible idea.
"Let's introduce DLC for people's lives."
Reality choked.
"WHAT."
E snapped his fingers.
A new option appeared.
[EXISTENCE PLUS MEMBERSHIP – UNLOCK YOUR FULL POTENTIAL FOR ONLY 99.99 UNITS OF TIME.]
Reality glitched.
Bob screamed in despair.
The Administrator started praying again.
And E?
E turned to the reader.
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6. The Ultimate Question (Again, Again)
"So, dear reader…"
"If your life had paid expansions… would you buy them?"
A new button appeared.
[VIEW LIFE DLC OPTIONS.]
[Reality Logs Off in Defeat.]
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