The Story of E – Chapter 25: You Have Unlocked a New Paywall!
---
1. Previously on The Story of E
E turned reality into a subscription-based service.
Bob got outsmarted by himself.
People regretted renting their alternate versions.
Reality had another mental breakdown.
E introduced 'Existence Plus Membership.'
Naturally, everything only got worse.
---
2. Life Update 3.0: Now with More Existential Dread
E leaned back in his chair, sipping a newly patented 'Premium Reality Beverage' (now only available in Ultra HD Existence).
The Administrator stood there, visibly exhausted.
"Sir, the complaints have increased by 3000%."
E raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? People don't like that their base existence is now locked behind microtransactions?"
The Administrator shuffled nervously.
"Um… no, they actually love that part."
E blinked.
"What."
The Administrator sighed.
"It turns out, the idea of unlocking 'Enhanced Happiness' or 'Basic Social Skills' as paid upgrades was wildly popular."
E smirked.
"I knew it."
"However…" The Administrator hesitated.
"Some people are… hacking reality."
E paused.
Then grinned.
"Tell me everything."
---
3. Hackers, Glitches, and People Who Refuse to Pay for Breathing
Reality was not happy.
"E. PEOPLE ARE EXPLOITING YOUR SYSTEM."
E pretended to be shocked.
"No way."
"YES WAY."
Reality slammed a report onto the table.
[LIST OF ILLEGAL REALITY EXPLOITS:]
1. Some guy bypassed 'Premium Intelligence' and became too smart for his own good.
2. Someone found a loophole to get 'Unlimited Confidence' without the required payment.
3. A user discovered the 'Skip to Good Part' glitch and jumped directly to success.
4. Bob tried to 'Refund Life' but got stuck in an infinite processing loop.
E chuckled.
"That last one is my favorite."
Reality glared.
"FIX. THIS."
E tapped his fingers.
"Or… I could just introduce 'Reality Anti-Cheat' and make people pay to avoid detection."
Reality screamed.
---
4. Bob vs. The Refund Department
Meanwhile, Bob was stuck in Refund Hell.
"Hello, I'd like to return my 'Strategic Genius Bob' rental. It was defective."
The Refund AI blinked at him.
"Sir, the rental was fully functional."
"Yeah, but it kept making me feel dumb."
"That's because you are dumb, sir."
Bob gasped.
"EXCUSE ME?"
The Refund AI smiled politely.
"Would you like to file a complaint?"
Bob crossed his arms.
"Yes, actually!"
"Processing… Complaint Denied. Have a nice day."
Bob screamed.
---
5. Introducing: Existence Battle Pass!
E snapped his fingers.
A new banner appeared in the sky.
[EXISTENCE BATTLE PASS – LEVEL UP YOUR LIFE BY COMPLETING DAILY QUESTS!]
Reality looked horrified.
"E, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"
E leaned back, smiling.
"I have gamified reality."
A notification popped up.
[NEW QUEST: Walk 10,000 Steps to Unlock 'Basic Health Insurance'!]
People started running immediately.
Reality fainted.
Bob tried to exploit the system but got stuck on 'Tutorial Mode.'
The Administrator prayed harder than ever.
And E?
E turned to the reader.
---
6. The Ultimate Question (Again, Again, Again)
"So, dear reader…"
"If your life had a Battle Pass… would you grind for it?"
A new button appeared.
[VIEW EXISTENCE BATTLE PASS REWARDS.]
[Reality Uninstalls Itself.]
---