Courtship?

Dear God

His Laugh haunts me.

Flashback

We were sitting on the same couch, but it felt like we were worlds apart. He sat on the far right, and I sat on the far left.

This was my first time in his house. It was an industrial-style apartment with minimal furnishings and plants scattered around, giving it a raw, urban feel. A movie was playing on the TV, but neither of us seemed to be paying attention. We were too unsure of how to act together on this couch.

Couples cuddle, right? They lean on each other, share a fleece blanket, and snack together. Or they simply spread themselves on the couch however they find comfortable. So why were we acting like strangers who just happened to meet at a mutual acquaintance's house?

"I totally forgot to ask,do you want snacks?" he asked, rising from his seat and heading to the kitchen.

"Uh, sure. What do you have?"

"Snacks," he said, turning to look at me with a confused expression and a raised eyebrow. Why was he looking at me like that?

"I mean, what type? Lays? Doritos? Popcorn?"

He gave me a small smile, then continued to the kitchen without answering me. Was he trying to be mysterious about snacks? That would be so dramatic.

A while later, he returned with all types of snacks in his hands. He placed them between us, and I must have looked shocked because he shrugged and said, "I love snacks."

I looked through the selection and spotted salt and vinegar chips. My heart did a little excited jump.

We tried to focus on the movie while eating, but this movie was so boring. I usually enjoy watching movies, no matter how good or bad they are, but this one sucked the life out of me. Lonwabo must have sensed that because he suddenly stopped the movie and turned to face me.

"Am I the only one not interested in this?" he asked, his eyes locked on mine.

I quickly looked away. Why did his eyes feel so intense?

"It is either boring, or my mind is just not here," I said, stuffing my mouth with more chips.

"Your mind is not here because this is a great movie. So where is your mind?"

Where was my mind?

It was stuck on the fact that we were a couple, yet I did not know how to behave around him. Since he was a born-again Christian, how were we supposed to act? We held hands, he touched my cheek sometimes, but we had never done more than that. I was afraid of compromising his faith and relationship with God. I was lukewarm, and I did not want to dilute him.

"What storm are you brewing, Pumpkin?" he asked again, his head tilted slightly, a frown on his face as if he were trying to read my mind.

"I do not know how to act around you," I admitted.

His expression shifted.There was amusement in his eyes, mixed with a bit of confusion. A small smile played on his lips as he waited for me to elaborate.

"I mean… as a couple who wants to build this relationship with God as our foundation, how do we act? Can we kiss? Cuddle? Can we even be alone in private places? We are not supposed to tempt each other into sexual acts since we are not married, right?"

He looked at me for a moment before bursting into laughter.

I blinked. "Did I say something funny?"

He shook his head as he calmed down, then turned fully to face me. "I am sorry. You caught me off guard. Yazi beng'cabanga ukuthi uzothi unamahloni-(I thought you would say you are shy around me)-but then you just hit me with the heavy stuff."

I rolled my eyes. That is what got him laughing so hard? I did not understand this man.

"Well, to be completely honest, I also do not know," he said, his expression becoming serious. "I have never courted anyone before. This is my first time."

"I did not even know about the word 'courting' until you told me about it, Mr. Lonwabo. So do not expect much from me," I said, shrugging.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Whatever is going on between us… what is your end goal?"

That caught me off guard. There had to be an end goal? Did we have to know how this would end already? Could we not just take our time and see where it led?

I shrugged. "I do not know," I admitted. "To be honest, I do not even know what we are doing. This is all new to me. I do not have a specific end goal. I just want to see where this takes us."

He sighed and turned toward the TV as if I had said something wrong. Silence filled the room. Just as I was about to speak, he turned to me with a look that told me he was about to say something I might not like-or maybe something I would.

"Do you want us to get guidance?"

"Guidance?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I also do not know what we are doing yet, but I want to do right by us. I do not want to get this wrong, especially with you. Since I heard about courting in church, I thought maybe we could get guidance from an elder of the church… maybe a pastor."

I stared at him. I was caught off guard, but I did not think he was insane. "Isn't guidance for people who are getting married?"

He gave me that teasing smile again. "You think I will not marry you?"

"Are we not getting ahead of ourselves, Mr. Lonwabo?" I raised an eyebrow. But the smile on my lips, and the blush creeping onto my face, betrayed me.

"So what do you say?"

"Honestly I see no reason why we should not try because this whole thing about us is as confusing as it can get, I want to be sure of what I am doing," I said as I gave him a smile showing him that I was honestly into the idea as much as i did find it a little bit weird. We had know each other for three weeks now and things were just moving slow and steady no rush but just because things were slow and steady didn't mean it was doing the thing right, I was confused at this whole thing.

Yami was confused and she kept teasing me about this whole thing, to her I was not at all dating Lonwabo we were just playing because she found the idea of not know how or what to do similar to not doing anything. She was kind of right but then again we were going on dates so it wasn't all nothing. Lonwabo told me he would talk to his pastor about it and set a date for when we could go and get our first guidance session. I was nervous because I didn't think such things happen when people are not getting married. Now it seemed like we were getting married and that just had my nerve wrecked.

"I have started reading my Bible," I announced to Lonwabo.

"Really? Which book did you start with?"

"Matthew," I said, watching his face for a reaction. He gave me a thoughtful look, then smiled.

"How did you find your first reading?"

"Can I be honest?" I asked, hesitant, not wanting to offend him or God.

"Of course."

I exhaled. "I found the first chapter a little bit tiresome," I admitted, trying to phrase it as respectfully as possible.

He stared at me for a moment, completely expressionless. Then, suddenly, he burst into laughter.

This man was getting far too comfortable laughing at me. But because I knew he was not doing it in a bad way, I found myself chuckling along with him.

"That is your fancy way of saying it was boring?" he asked, amusement clear on his face.

"Do not put it that way," I said, rolling my eyes. "I just did not understand why we had to read all of Jesus' ancestors. No offense to God, of course, I know there is a reason for everything. I guess I expected something more... revolutionary. I thought I would open the Bible and immediately feel like I could hear God's voice speaking to me."

Lonwabo leaned back, still grinning. "Do not worry, I get what you mean. And trust me, you are not the only one. A lot of people feel that way when they start reading. I know I did. People think their first encounter with the Word will be life-altering or groundbreaking, not saying it does not happen that way, but sometimes it is just quiet. It feels slow, like you are not hearing His voice at all. But the more you read, the more you tune into it. Eventually, you will hear Him-not in a loud, dramatic way, but in the silent whisper most people overlook. God needs attention, and if you do not give it to Him, you will miss what He is saying."He said, why was he not a pastor? Because he seemed to know just what to say at the right moment with the right words.

"So to clarify, I am not dull or anything. What is the purpose of us knowing about the ancestors of Jesus?"

Lonwabo smiled at me, shaking his head slightly. "No, Pumpkin, you are not dull," he said. "Honestly, a lot of people skip over that part because it looks like just a long list of names, but it's actually important."

I tilted my head. "How so?"

He leaned back against the couch, crossing his arms. "Well, for starters, it shows that Jesus came from a real family line, like, He didn't just appear out of nowhere. It connects Him to history, to people we have heard about in the Bible, like Abraham, David, and even people who messed up big time."

I squinted at him trying to see the point he was putting out. "So… what, it's just proving He had ancestors?"

"Not just that," he said, his eyes lighting up a little. "It also shows that God kept His promises. Ages before Jesus was born, God told people the Messiah would come through Abraham's family, then through David's line and then just like that ,here's the proof."

I frowned, thinking about it, something didn't add up. "But some of those people weren't exactly… holy. Like, I remember hearing about David's mess with Bathsheba. And wasn't Rahab in there? Wasn't she, like, a prostitute. I am not judging them or anything by the way?"

Lonwabo grinned. "Exactly. That's another reason it's there. God didn't just use perfect people. He used broken, messy, flawed people to bring about His perfect plan. It's kind of a reminder that no matter who you are or what you have done, God can still use you and don't worry I know you are not."

I stared at him for a moment, then let out a breath. "Huh. Okay, that actually makes sense."

He chuckled. "See? Not dull at all."

I tapped my fingers on the couch, thinking. "So basically, it's like a family tree but with a purpose?"

Lonwabo nodded. "Yeah, exactly. Think about it, why do people bother learning about their ancestors? Why do families pass down stories?"

I shrugged. "I guess to understand where they come from? To feel connected?"

"Exactly," he said, pointing at me. "Knowing your ancestors can show you patterns, struggles, and even blessings in your family. It helps you understand why certain things are the way they are. It's the same with Jesus, His genealogy shows that He wasn't just some distant, untouchable figure. He had a family history just like us, filled with ups and downs, victories and failures."

I sat with that for a moment. "So it makes Him more… real? Like, relatable?"

"Exactly," he said with a smile. "It reminds us that Jesus stepped into this world fully human, with a history, just like us. And if God could work through that messy family line to bring salvation, imagine what He can do with us."

I exhaled, shaking my head. "Okay, fine, maybe that part of Matthew isn't as pointless as I thought."

Lonwabo laughed. "Told you."

"And why are you not a pastor?" I asked looking at him with amusement on my face.

He chuckled. "I learnt all this from my pastor, Bible study and some revelations. I can't be a pastor merely because I have discernment of the Bible, being pastor isn't something small. It carries great responsibility because you are not just a leader, you are a leader leading God's people towards God's way and trust me that is not just a mere Job it's a big deal."

"True and I don't think we would handle the temptations very well," I said teasing him, it took him a while to understand what I was saying and that had him bursting out with laughter.

"You did not just say that," he said laughing harder which had me laughing with him.

"Imagine I have to confess and be honest with my struggles and I am over there being like Pastor I am facing temptations but those temptations are you," I said mimicking a conversation.

"Pumpkin you need Jesus," he said looking at me while chuckling.

"I am not implying anything dirty,I am just saying that God does know how to build a man."

"And that man belongs to you," he said with a grin on his face. I tried to hide my smile as I looked the other way so that he didn't see my blushing face.

"And she blushes," he said teasing me.