A Mother
Maybe I can apply to be a guard. How much do they make? So they can support my greed? I've been watching my Mom for a while. From the laundry area, kitchen, bedroom and even the bathroom, I followed her. She looked annoyed with me. "Why don't you just shut up in a corner?" He asked me angrily. "You've been following me around for a while." "I've been watching you. You might suddenly disappear." He raised an eyebrow at me. "Where am I going?" Maybe the police will suddenly pick you up. "Maybe you and your ex will get back together," I replied and he quickly turned around. "Why would I go back to your Dad?" My eyes narrowed. "I'm referring to Andy." He immediately turned away and continued vacuuming his room. Okay, just a little longer, it's a little less obvious that you're thinking about Dad. Just a little longer, you'll be great. Wait a minute, I'll trip you. "What did you like about him?" I asked but he didn't answer. "It's easy, he was just asking." "He's kind, he accepted me because I already have a child, he doesn't expect anything from me and most of all he loves me." "BY DAD?" I asked in surprise. He widened his eyes at me. "I'm referring to Andy." "Oh, I thought Dad." He went back to what he was doing and I simply laughed. I let him ï¬nish what he was doing before speaking again. Maybe he would get mad at me and suddenly throw the vacuum away. He didn't take long, he unplugged the vacuum and leaned it in a corner. He went back to the bed to arrange the sheets and things he had removed from its place to clean. "But you love me? Until now?" I asked and he looked at me evilly. I showed him that I was serious so he realized that I wasn't joking. That's what he thought. "Maybe yesâ€"." "PAPA?" I interrupted him and he almost threw the pillow he was holding at me. "You're a fool! You're out there!" "I'm just asking, why are you so grumpy? Are you menopausal ?" He sighed. "Don't you have anyone else to talk to and you thought of visiting me?" "Nothing, Kuya is asleep, Aries is busy and Tita Gema went out with Tito Julz." "Just review. You have an exam, right?" I smiled broadly at him. "Don't worry about that. I'm too smart for the exam." "Just out of arrogance," he replied without looking at me. "Something inherited." He must have thought I didn't hear the last thing he said. I immediately jumped flat on the bed after he adjusted the sheets. "Who did I inherit from? You? Or Papa?" He rowned. He obviously didn't want to answer but I wasn't going to stop him. He continued to organize the things in the room. He then turned to his cabinet and arranged the clothes. "Easy, who did I inherit from?" He ignored me so I repeated the question in a louder voice. "WHO DID I INHERIT?" He looked annoyed by what I did. "To the trouble? To your Dad." "We? I don't believe it." "This is a joke, he asked and then didn't believe my answer." I almost laughed at what he said. I spoke like that too. "Why, what did Papa do that you called him naughty?" "He went back and forth to the cafeteria where I worked. He only bought one piece of candy, he just wanted to know my name." I held back from laughing out loud. My Dad was so intense. Yes, it seems like I inherited my naughty nature from him. We are father and son. I stared at Mama for a moment. Maybe if Papa had only been single , they might have been better off. Maybe we would be whole now and Aries and I would have grown up together, maybe Mama wouldn't have killed Rodrigo and he wouldn't have gone to jail. If only they had met before Papa got married. Even though she was pregnant with Aries, Papa still managed to make her like him. I sat down while hugging the pillow. Mama's expression returned to me when she saw Aries' Dad. If I had known that's what he did to Mama, I wouldn't have brought him here. "Mom, are you still mad at me for bringing me here to Aries's Dad?" I asked. He paused for a moment and looked at me. "No. Why would I be mad at you?" "I heard you and Tita Gema, I know what that man did to you." He dropped the clothes he was holding. He didn't take his eyes off me. "Momâ€"." "Go out, Jay. I'm going to rest." He cut me off. I guess I shouldn't have said I knew. I bit my lower lip before quickly standing up and leaving his room. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have let him know what I heard. He didn't want to tell me the truth about what happened to him and why he couldn't go to me, what did that beastly Aries' Dad do? It's like I just made him suffer even more by what I did. I don't even know why I told him. Maybe because I wanted him to share with me. Maybe we could have at least some connection. He was the one who said he wanted us to make up. Let's connect. The hard part is that he doesn't want to tell me like this. "Jay?" Aries called me when I met him. "Why do you look like that? You feel like you've been wronged." "Because I'm annoyed." "Have you eaten yet?" he asked and I looked at him with a bad look. It was okay to ask him. Is eating right away the solution to my problem? Am I that hungry in his eyes? "I was going to invite you to go shopping. I bet there's no more threat in your life since Ram is gone," he said and my face lit up. There really is more. Keifer's Dad, but he seemed quiet a while ago after visiting the hospital, so I can say it's safe to go out. And besides, is there anything that can stop a hungry person. I nodded at him. "Okay, let's go buy it. I need it." He laughed a little while shaking his head. I said goodbye to just get my phone and wallet. Even though it was empty, I still wanted to take it. When I left the room, he was gone so I went straight to the living room where he was standing near the door. "Let's just go for a bike ride," he said and I nodded. We went to the garage together to get my bike. He checked it to see if there was a problem. I hadn't used it in a while . "Isn't the tire flat?" I asked and pressed the tire. "No, it's not. Let's go," he said while holding the bike. He was the one who pushed it out of the gate. He was the ï¬rst to get on and pointed at the back to tell me to get on. I did so and he immediately started to drive. It was almost noon. There were a lot of cars on the road because it was rush hour. Luckily, Aries was good at avoiding cars and was always by my side. I was the one who was alert and constantly looked behind us. I even saw a car driver smiling at me in a way that made me laugh. The idiot looked cute, but he looked like he was already losing his life. I just gave him a hard time and watched his car pass us. We arrived at the mini mart. We ran into a lot of people so we waited a while before entering. Most of the people inside were students from different schools shopping. They were so tall that it was hard to tell if they were grade school students or high school students like me. But I think the other students were college students because of their familiar ID laces. All I know is that Mini Mart is far from the University, how did they get here? They came so far. "There you go, Pre, from HVIS. Get their number," I heard a man say to his companion. They were both college students and were looking at the approaching group of our female schoolmates. I knew that the other year had classes because we didn't have the same exam day. "That idiot is still a minor." "That's okay, HVIS are going to walk," one of them replied and they laughed. I couldn't help but glare at them. I didn't know what they meant by 'walk' but I could tell it was a bad word, especially from the way they were laughing. These guys must be idiots. "Jay," Aries called me, grabbing my attention. "You should look at me, you might get into a ï¬ght." "Because they're . . ." I said, pointing at the college students. ". . .the HVIS were told to walk. What does that mean?" I saw his eyebrows meet but he quickly adjusted his reaction. He looked at the college students for a moment and aced me again before pulling me away. "Just ignore them, choose what you want," he ordered. I was about to protest but I saw another rush of students outside. It's hard to buy when there are too many people. I just took the ones I wanted to order. I walked around the Mini Mart for a while. After getting everything I wanted, I turned back to Aries. I saw him holding his phone and it looked like he was taking a picture. Then he typed on his phone. I looked to see who he could possibly be taking a picture of but all I saw was a group of college students doing that. Why would he be taking a picture of those? Are they artists? "What are you doing?" I asked. "Nothing, just reporting them to someone to do something," he replied and smiled. He handed me the basket he was holding to put my purchases in. I laughed because it couldn't ï¬t because I only took big snacks. He was forced to get another basket to put his purchases in there. Who would he report these college students to? It was impossible for Kuya Angelo. Kuya would take care of the college students. Unless of course he or we were busy. After getting everything we wanted to buy, we paid at the cashier. I laughed so hard that Aries scratched his head because of the price of the things we bought. He would pay for everything. We were leaving the Mini Mart when I saw the group of college students again . I gave one of them a hard time when I saw him looking at me. I felt handsome because the stupid one. "Is that a problem?" I heard him ask his companion while pointing at me. Because of the amount of things we were carrying, Aries and I were orced to walk. I was the one who pulled the bike while he was carrying the things we bought. I couldn't help but laugh at him. The veins in his arms were sticking out because of the weight and the amount of things he was carrying. We were already far away when I suddenly realized where I saw the college students' ID lace. We had already arrived there during the University visit where I saw Papa. University of Eme. I can't even remember the name of the place. Should I go back? "Do you want to go home or let's go to the park ï¬rst?" Aries asked me. I didn't want to go home yet. So I quickly answered Park to him. We took a different route but he didn't tell me that the park was so far away that we kept walking. I was still out of breath and still hungry. When we arrived at the park, the lights were already on. There were still a lot of people even though it was dark. Luckily, there were still a lot of empty benches so we found a spot right away. "Food, food," I said and grabbed a plastic bag from his hand before sitting down. I ï¬nished my meal ï¬rst. He sat next to me and brought out what he had bought. We didn't talk at ï¬rst because we were busy eating. But when the people in the park started to thin out , he spoke. "Your mother is going back to the province," he said. I raised an eyebrow. "Our mother. And what's going back to the province? She doesn't have a house there. Where will she live there? With Grandma?" "Maybe, I just heard them talking." I suddenly felt a pang. I felt like she wasn't just going back to our province. "I thought he wanted us to make up? Why would he leave?" Aries ï¬nished the bread he was holding before shaking his hands. "Maybe he's giving up." I also ï¬nished what I was holding and immediately drank the juice that came with our purchase. I knew he was hiding something. I just didn't understand why they had to make up a story. Did I look like I was born yesterday? Am I that weak in their eyes? "I want to go to a psychiatrist," I said and my brother was stunned. "Jay?" "I'm not stupid, I know Mama is facing a case." He was obviously surprised and tried to stop me from showing it to him. "Who did you know that from?" "I heard Kuya. Plus, he said something the ï¬rst time he took me to Dra Claudia," I explained. I had no plans to tell him that I learned the whole story of Mama's case from Keifer. Maybe later that would be the reason for another ï¬ght between them. They were slowly making up, I didn't want it to end in nothing. "I know I'm the only one who can help Mama. It has to do with something that happened when I was a child that I don't remember now. I want to remember soâ€"." "You look around," he cut me off. "Only Kuya wants it but he doesn't know that it's dangerous to think about forcing you." "So what should I do? Should I just let it go?" I sighed. "That's it." I washed my face. I stood up while taking a few deep breaths. I tried to calm down. I tried not to cry because I wanted us to understand each other properly. I tried not to say bad things or swear. But I don't know how much more I can try. I can't let my Mom go! "Are you so angry with our Mom that you'd let her go to jail?" I said calmly but my tears were already welling up . "That's not my reason." He bowed his head while resting his elbows on his thighs. "I don't know if Kuya is ignoring you or he just hasn't thought about the act that the court might not recognize your statement." I was worried because of what he said. "What? W- Why?" "Imagine this, you think the statement of an unstable person will be recognized. Not that I'm saying you're unstable but if other lawyers can make you look like that, they can do that. They are notorious, when it comes to winning they will do anything that they are allowed to do. So they will even target your personal life and mental health , what if your symptoms are triggered?" I was stunned. I covered my mouth before sitting down next to Aries again. He was right, he really is good at reading fate, he even predicted what could happen to me in court. Amazing. Lotto number prediction. I remember back in the telenovelas, lawyers make victims cry in court next to the judge. Even witnesses are made to feel like they are the ones at fault. I might not be able to handle it if I were the one talking to them like that. Maybe later, I'll argue with them, get them out of court. "What I'm more worried about is, if everything comes back to you by force, your mental health might give out. What if you have a mental breakdown ? You'll lose yourself forever?" I could feel the worry in his oice . I was right, if it's Kuya who wants to come back as I remember, Aries is the one against it. There will be a clash. Death and Horoscope. An epic battle. "But I want to help Mom." "We'll ï¬nd another way." He smiled. "We can still visit a psychiatrist. It's good that we know about your illness." I nodded. "I want to too. But if possible, let's not tell Kuya." He laughed a little. "We have the same thought." I smiled and went back to my ood. I ï¬nished the bread I picked up. He did the same with the food he bought. He ï¬nished ï¬rst because he only bought a little. I was forced to not eat the rest and just take it home. He also agreed to go home because it was dark and our cellphones were constantly ringing. We were just walking. It's hard to bike when we're so ull. I looked at Aries. I remembered what he said he would get back to me. I could tell he had recovered. But it would still be different if he and Mama were okay. It's worth a try. "Are you really not going to forgive Mama?" I asked and he looked at me for a moment. "In terms of forgiveness, I've forgiven her," he replied and my mouth ell open. He had already forgiven Mama, so why weren't they still talking properly? "You've forgiven himâ€"" "I orgave him for what he did to me. But not for his neglect of you," he cut me off. "If he had been practical and adopted us both, that wouldn't have happened to you. The people he was with wouldn't have hurt you." He didn't know. He doesn't know what Mama did to save me. I want to yell at Aries and tell him about the sacriï¬ce Mama made. He has no right to tell him like that. If he only knew, he probably wouldn't say that. If I could just say it, but I choose not to say it. I don't want to be the ï¬rst to say it again like I told Mama earlier. Maybe we can just be together. So I choose not to say what he did. But when I get the chance, I'll punish my brother. "It's been a long time, if I'm ready to forgive him. Maybe it's time for you to try too." He raised an eyebrow at me. He was still very angry. "What's going through your mind that you're planning to forgive him? Whereas if you answer him back then it's like you gave birth to him." I winced. It felt wrong to change my mind. But I won't deny that there are times when my anger towards him still comes back to me. It pours out like water in an instant. Maybe if I forgive her, it will go away for me. "Don't you feel that, that longing to be with your mother? It's hard to explain, just that feeling that no matter how big the sin is for you, you still don't want them out of your life," I explained. "It's the same feeling as people who are victims of their partner's cheating." My eyes widened and she laughed. She asked if my explanation was comparable to cheating. "I'm just kidding. . . yeah I know what you mean. I used to feel the same way, but sometimes that longing fades as we mature and recognize that our ties to our parents are not meant to be kept." I felt like she and Mom really had no hope of making things right. I couldn't help but feel sad. They've been through so much. Maybe a second chance is still possible. I have to insist on this. "It's probably better to try. Even just once." She shook her head. "No." She has to try again. "You know, the Bible says honor your parents." He laughed out loud. "Not you using a Bible erse when you don't exactly understand it." "That's right." "Yeah you are, but honoring is not a free pass to abuse or tolerate. Believe me, I can honor her while keeping my boundaries." I pouted. It was hard to convince my sister. After all, if Kuya isn't pushy either, what else can I do? I wanted to hope that they still had a chance to be okay. As for Aries's behavior, don't hope anymore. We arrived home and were greeted by Kuya Angelo, who was in a bad mood. "Ram just disappeared, you two have been running away!" Apa was sulking again. I thought he had been sleeping all day because he said he needed a rest, but here he was and had the energy to teach. Aries and I entered the house one after the other. I was about to knock on Mama's door but I saw Tita Gema carrying medicine and a glass as she entered the room. "Jay, don't disturb your Mom for now. She's not eeling well." I can't help but feel sad. Why do I feel like it's my fault?