End of Everything (Intro) - Chapter 30

"What are you… talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Kumiko. We both know you can't lie to me. You've got a tell. You smile whenever you lie. It's eerie. And honestly, it grosses me out. You smile when you lie as if you're happy to be doing so. Are you, Kumiko? Are you happy when you lie?"

"I'm not—"

"Don't play games with me! I know you better than anyone. I'd argue I know you better than you know yourself. 

"That's why I'm able to love you—

"That's why I'm able to hate you—"

"You… hate me?"

"Of course I do. There are plenty of things that I hate about you. But there are also plenty of things that I love about you. But it's not about balancing the two. The only reason I can love you the way I do is because I hate you so much. To know someone is to learn about all the dirty things that make up that person. And trust me, I know how dirty you truly are."

"Like… what?"

"You're an apathetic person. All that you feel towards other people is disdain. It's as if they don't exist to you. They probably don't. You live your life as if you and I are the only two people who exist in the world."

"That's not—"

"It is. The only person you ever make eye contact with is me. When I see you with your family, you don't even look them in their eye. Why is that? I'm dying to know."

"I'm… I'm scared. If I look into their eyes, I have to let them see me. I don't want other people to see me. It's not that I believe that no one exists except you and me. I believe that the only people who don't exist are you and I. But I only pretend that you don't exist alongside me. I'm the one who doesn't exist.

"I don't feel like I belong in the world. No—That's not the truth. It's not the full truth. I don't belong in the world. I never interact with anyone. I never make myself exist. I'm not living, nor am I existing. All that I am is a cheap, good-for-nothing nothing. Does that even make any sense? It's hard to describe what I am. You can't describe something that is nothing.

"You cannot say, in good faith, this and this there exist in the world, that there does not. Maybe it's not me that doesn't exist, but everything. I'm not the only thing that doesn't exist. What if this is some make-believe dream world, and I'm just a fragment of that dream? A fragment of nothing. A fraction of nothing. Zero divided by anything is zero. But what is zero divided by zero? It would be undefined. You can't divide nothing by nothing. Yet, that's what has occurred in this dream.

"Are you certain that what you're experiencing isn't a dream? Are you sure that the world that's right in front of you, the people that are around you, and the person that you truly are exist, are real? You can't. You can't know such a thing."

"Then why the hell would you believe that to be the truth of the world!? You're right: we can't know anything. But we can believe in anything. We can believe that there will be people who know you more than their preconceptions of you. We can believe that there will be people who see the ugliest side of us yet still love us. Whether or not it's of their own free will or fate. We can believe that there's more to life than suffering. We may suffer today, but tomorrow can bring forth anything. We can believe:

"That we'll find a life we can be happy with.

"We don't need to be filled with joy all the time. We don't need to be filled with despair all the time. There's more to life than what you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. There exists a sky that extends further than your eyes can see.

"I hate you—

"I love you—

"I don't feel only positive emotions towards you—

"I don't feel only negative emotions towards you— 

"No matter how disdainful you are—

"No matter how toxically obsessed you are with me—

"Your world will expand, filled with people who care about you, including me, of course. But also with people other than me."

"But… how can you be so sure that such a world can exist?"

"I'm not sure. I can't be sure. But no matter what, I'll believe that such a world will exist."

"But… I still want to kill you."

"Why's that?"

"I want to return to being the only person who doesn't exist. I love you so much, but if you're nothing more than a dream, a lie, a fake, I can't continue to live in a world where the only person who loves me is a dream, a lie, a fake. I can't…"

"Maybe I am a dream, a lie, a fake, but the hate that I feel towards you, the love that I feel towards you, every single thing I feel towards you, they hold value, they hold weight. They're the weight of God, just not as infinite."

"Just not as infinite."

"That's right, just not as infinite. One day, we will fade away into oblivion. One day, we will wake up from this dream. But still, we must continue to walk forward and hope:

"By the time we wake up, we forget that this was all just a dream."

"Olympia… I love you. I love you so much. But it's so, so hard to continue living, knowing that this is a dream. How do you do it?"

"Simple: I remind myself that it's because of this dream world that I was able to meet you. This can't be a bad dream, a nightmare, if I was able to become friends with you. If I were able to love you. And I'll repeat it over and over and over again. I love you, Kumiko. I love you, Kumiko Kikunaga. I'll say it as many times as I must. I'll announce it to the world. I'll announce it to anyone who is listening. I'll remind you whenever you're feeling down.

"Kumiko—

"We exist—

"We're matter—

"We matter—

"Nothing else matters besides that—

"So I say thusly, once more:

"I.

"Love.

"You." 

"Even if it hurts. Even if it's unbearable. Even if I can't. I'll continue to live in this cheap, good-for-nothing dream world. As long as I get to be with you. And you're right. Who knows? Maybe I'll find more people and things who make me realize just how wonderful this dream is."

"I believe that I'll wake up from this dream with a smile from ear to ear across my face. And right before I get out of bed, I'll say this:

"Thank you for letting someone like me have such a wonderful dream."

And like that, this story has come to an end—