Raja’s Wild Ride: Cartels, Chaos, and Amy.

After leaving the nerd squad stunned and terrified with his existence, Raja blinked straight back to Charlie Harper's Malibu paradise.

And the first thing he saw?

Uncle Charlie. With another girl. Again.

Raja just sighed, grabbed a snack from the fridge, and noped out of there.

His destination? Rose's house.

When he got there, Rose was glued to her telescope, eyes laser-focused on Charlie's house.

Raja: "Still spying on him?"

Rose (serious): "Yes. He's up to something. He's cheating on me... even though we're not dating. But I KNOW he's cheating."

Raja just shook his head, walked into the kitchen, and started cooking.

Twenty minutes later, he called Rose for dinner. She reluctantly sat down, grabbed a plate, and took exactly three bites before standing up again.

Rose: "I have work to do."

Raja turned on the TV.

Raja: "Let me guess. Spying?"

Rose: "It's called surveillance, Raja."

Raja just rolled his eyes and watched a movie. A few minutes later, Rose peeked from behind the couch.

Rose: "You coming to bed, or should I find someone else?"

Raja grinned shamelessly.

And like a true degenerate, he followed her.

The next morning, Raja was still tangled in Rose's sheets when his phone rang.

It was Jessica Pearson.

Jessica: "We've got a problem. Some cartel punks are trying to get us involved in drug trafficking."

Raja sat up immediately.

The next second, he snapped his fingers—

Dobby appeared.

Dobby: "I am ready, sir!"

Raja: "Dobby, get me to the ladies. We have some cartel trash to clean up."

Dobby: "With pleasure, sir."

One blink later, Raja was in Jessica's office.

Jessica and Jan briefed Raja. The cartel wanted their trucks to help move drugs across borders. If they refused, the cartel promised violence.

Raja looked at Dobby.

Raja: "Dobby, do you have details?"

Dobby (proudly handing over a scroll): "All locations. All key members. Criminal records attached. It is... a very long list, sir."

Raja (grinning darkly): "Dobby, you've made me and your late master so proud."

Dobby (bowing): "Thank you, sir. Now, shall we begin the massacre?"

Raja (cracking his knuckles): "With absolute pleasure."

Jessica and Jan exchanged a knowing look.

Jessica: "Bloodbath incoming."

Jan: "At least the problem will be solved."

*And just like that, Raja and Dobby vanished.

They struck at night.

No magic that could be traced back to the wizarding world.

Just pure, unfiltered destruction.

Scene 1: Warehouse Raid

The cartel members were laughing, drinking, and counting drug money when suddenly—

BOOM! The doors exploded open.

A shadow blurred through the room.

Gunshots fired. Nothing hit.

Within seconds gun shot heard, half the men were on the ground, broken, bleeding, and unconscious.

One guy charged at Raja with a machete—

Raja caught it mid-swing and broke it in half.

Cartel Guy: "Wha—how the f—"

Raja (grinning): "Shhh. Sleep."

One punch. Lights out.

Dobby, meanwhile, was a whirlwind of destruction, using enchanted knives, shadow step dodges, and house-elf kung fu.

In one night, a major cartel operation and all dangerous criminals are disappeared from the face of the Earth.

The survivors? They fled the country.

Back at HQ, Raja calmly sipped a mojito as he recounted his meeting with other women and night of murder and mayhem to Jessica and Jan.

They weren't mad about other women or the mayhem.

But they did try to assert dominance.

For the next week, they took turns trying to overpower him.

They failed.

Because Raja's Ultimate Body™ is undefeated.

Even they had to admit defeat.

Raja? Raja just smirked and enjoyed his vacation.

After his vacation, Raja visited the Brooklyn 99 crew.

He drank with them at a cop bar.

At drink four, Detective Amy Santiago pulled Raja to the back alley.

Amy: "Listen, I don't usually do this, but—"

Then she tried to have her way with him.

Raja, ever the gentleman, took her home before she could do something she'd regret.

Except… she didn't regret anything.

Amy woke up, apologized, got cleaned up—

Then round two happened.

Then round three.

Then...

Amy: "It's a one-time thing, okay?"

Raja: "Got it."

They did it again.

For two days straight.

Raja officially became Amy Santiago's biggest weakness.

Three months later, Raja sat in his penthouse, sipping tea, feeling like a degenerate.

Raja: "Maya... what's happening to me? I feel like a harem protagonist on steroids."

Maya (deadpan): "That's because you are."

Raja: "WHAT?!"

Maya: "Your Ultimate Body™ enhances all aspects of you—including your deepest, darkest desires."

Raja: "Wait… does that mean I'm turning into an incubus?!"

Maya: "If not for your extreme self-control and adaptability, yes, you would've become a breeding monster."

Raja dropped his tea cup.

As Raja processed this revelation, a letter arrived.

From Harry Potter.

"Hey Raja, want to come watch the Quidditch World Cup with us?"

Raja grinned.

Raja: "Welp, I guess it's time to go back to the wizarding world."

Maya: "Try not to corrupt the entire magical society, please."

Raja: "No promises."

And just like that, Raja's next adventure was set in motion.