Chapter 3: "Screw It, I'm Retiring"

The Guild of Asteron – Moments After the Chaos

I sat slumped at the counter, head resting against the polished wood, staring blankly at my three remaining silver coins like they were the last traces of my dignity.

Around me, the guild was still buzzing from the absolute circus act that had just taken place.

Adventurers were whispering, laughing, and exchanging bets like my entire existence had just become some kind of new entertainment.

At a nearby table, I heard someone say, "How much do you think she actually values his advice?"

Another voice responded, "Enough to ask for more. This might be history's dumbest power couple in the making."

I groaned loudly.

Garret and his party were still grinning at me.

"Hey, Eldric," Garret called, "maybe you should open a mentorship program. You can call it—'Wisdom from the Weakest!'"

More laughter.

I buried my face deeper in my arms.

Seraphina, on the other hand, was completely unbothered.

She had finished her tea—seriously, where did she even get tea!?—and simply stood there, watching me like this was a normal Tuesday.

I exhaled slowly, feeling the last shreds of my sanity slip away.

"...Screw it," I muttered.

I sat up, grabbed my three silver coins, and turned to Myra.

"I'm done," I said flatly.

She blinked. "Huh?"

"I'm retiring," I said, standing up and dusting off my cloak. "Adventuring clearly isn't working out for me. Might as well go back to my village and become a farmer."

The entire guild stopped laughing.

I felt every single eye turn toward me.

"You're serious?" Myra asked.

"Absolutely," I said, nodding. "I've spent five years trying to climb the ranks, and what do I have to show for it? A reputation as the capital's weakest adventurer, no money, and now I'm apparently the life coach of an SSS+ rank mage."

Seraphina did not react.

She simply blinked at me, expression neutral as ever.

I pointed at her.

"See? She doesn't even deny it!"

Seraphina calmly tilted her head.

"Why would I deny the truth?" she said smoothly.

I threw my hands in the air.

"SEE!? This is exactly why I need to get out of this ridiculous profession!"

Garret, who had been enjoying my suffering up until now, suddenly stopped laughing.

"Wait. You're actually quitting?" he asked.

"Yes," I confirmed. "No more dungeons, no more struggling to afford food, and no more being a joke to the entire adventurer's guild."

I turned back to Myra.

"I'm cashing in my remaining guild credit. One last dungeon trip. I'll gather some herbs, sell them, and use whatever money I have left to buy a carriage ticket back to my village."

She frowned slightly but nodded.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Very sure," I said. "Nothing, and I mean nothing, could convince me to stay in this stupid city a moment longer."

Seraphina finally spoke.

"Understood," she said, voice even. "In that case, I shall accompany you."

I almost choked on air.

"YOU SHALL WHAT!?"

The guild erupted into chaos again.

I almost choked on air.

The guild erupted into chaos again.

"You heard her!" someone shouted.

"Seraphina Astralis—the SSS+ Rank Mage—is going on an herb-gathering quest!?"

"Why is she acting like he's some high-value target!?"

"Did Eldric secretly become a national treasure while we weren't looking!?"

Garret, who had originally been laughing at me, now looked horrified.

"Dude, are you insane!?" he hissed. "You're trying to quit, and now you've somehow dragged the strongest mage in the capital into your exit plan!?"

"I DIDN'T DRAG ANYONE INTO ANYTHING!"

I turned back to Seraphina, glaring.

"Why in the world would you want to come with me!?" I demanded.

She blinked at me, expression neutral as ever.

"You are undertaking a quest," she said plainly. "Thus, it is only natural that I observe."

"Observe what!? I'm going to pick weeds!"

She nodded. "Yes. That is why I am interested."

"WHAT ABOUT THAT IS INTERESTING!?"

Seraphina tilted her head, as if the answer should be obvious.

"You claim to have survived for five years as a solo adventurer despite having no exceptional combat abilities. That is… statistically fascinating."

I blinked.

"Did you just call me a science experiment?"

Her golden eyes gleamed slightly.

"Perhaps."

Oh, for the love of—

I grabbed Myra by the shoulders.

"Please," I begged, "please tell her she's not allowed to follow me on a low-rank quest."

Myra hesitated, then nervously glanced at Seraphina.

"Um…"

I narrowed my eyes.

"You're not actually scared of her, are you?"

"I am absolutely scared of her," Myra said flatly.

"I hate this guild," I muttered.

Seraphina tilted her head. "There is no regulation preventing me from joining a lower-ranked adventurer on a quest."

"NO REGULATION—ARE YOU HEARING YOURSELF!?"

She nodded. "Yes."

I clenched my fists.

Okay. Think, Eldric. Think.

If I wanted to shake her off, I had to use the one thing I had been forced to master over the years—

The Art of Social Evasion.

---

Step 1: The Sneaky Escape Plan

"Fine," I sighed, rubbing my temples. "If you're so interested, you can tag along."

A flicker of something unreadable passed through Seraphina's eyes.

"Understood," she said.

Okay. Step 1: Act like you're okay with it. Let your opponent lower their guard.

I turned to Myra.

"I'll just take a standard Herb Collection quest for Floor Three," I said casually. "I'll need the map update, too."

Myra nodded and grabbed a parchment, but I could tell she was suppressing laughter.

"Here you go," she said, handing it over.

Step 2: Act casual. Make your exit seem normal.

I took the parchment, rolled it up, and stretched.

"Well, time to get started," I said, stuffing the quest log into my belt. "Seraphina, you might wanna get some gear—no offense, but a robe isn't exactly great for collecting plants."

She nodded. "A fair point. I shall retrieve my supplies."

Bingo.

The moment she turned toward the door, I took off in the opposite direction, sprinting like my life depended on it.

---

Step 3: The Fastest Man in the Capital

I HAVE NEVER MOVED THIS FAST IN MY LIFE.

I darted through the streets like a professional thief escaping the law.

Left through an alley, up the backstreet, cutting across the marketplace—

I skidded past several vendors, nearly knocking over a stack of cabbages.

"Watch it, kid!" one merchant yelled.

"Sorry, important business!" I shouted back.

I dashed into the dungeon entrance just as the gate officer gave me a weird look.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Never better," I wheezed.

I slammed the quest log onto the counter. "Register me for Floor Three, solo. Now. Immediately."

The guard raised an eyebrow.

"...Uh, sure. But aren't you usually out there longer?"

"Not today," I gasped, still out of breath. "Just a quick trip. In and out. Nobody sees me. Completely solo."

He stamped my parchment and handed it back.

"Alright, you're clear to go. Good luck."

I exhaled, finally catching my breath.

Step 4: Congratulations. You Are Now Home-Free.

I turned toward the dungeon gate, grinning.

"Nice try, Seraphina," I muttered under my breath. "But you can't observe something that's already—"

A shadow suddenly loomed over me.

I felt a strange chill run down my spine.

And then—

"I see you managed to arrive before me."

I turned slowly, dread pooling in my stomach.

Seraphina stood right behind me, completely composed, not a single bead of sweat on her.

HOW.

"Wha—" I stammered. "I—I took a different route—how did you get here before me!?"

She blinked at me, expression neutral.

"I teleported."

"...You what."

She tilted her head slightly.

"I specialize in Spatial Magic."

"SPATIAL MAGIC!?"

The guild guard cleared his throat.

"Uh, yeah. She does that a lot," he muttered.

I felt all my effort drain out of my body at once.

Seraphina crossed her arms.

"You are rather quick for someone with no enhancements," she noted.

"Don't compliment me after destroying my soul, woman!"

Seraphina remained unfazed.

"So, shall we proceed?"

I dropped my face into my hands.

I was never escaping this.

"Fine," I grumbled. "But no interfering. If I find myself dying to a plant, you are NOT allowed to help me."

She nodded. "Understood."

I narrowed my eyes. "Promise me."

She paused.

Then, after a moment, she said, "I will respect your autonomy."

That was not a promise.

I was too tired to argue.

"...Whatever. Let's get this over with."

Seraphina gave me a satisfied nod and stepped forward.

And so, my "final solo quest" had officially become a supervised lab experiment.

---

I had one goal—gather some herbs, sell them, and leave this miserable adventuring life behind.

Simple.

So why was Seraphina staring at me like I was a lab rat?

I crouched near a patch of glowing blue medicinal herbs, carefully cutting the stems with my knife.

Seraphina stood precisely two meters away, silently watching me with the intensity of someone studying a rare species.

I tried to ignore her.

I failed.

"...Can you not?" I muttered.

She blinked. "Not what?"

"Stare at me like that!"

She tilted her head slightly. "I am observing your methods."

"What methods!? I'm just picking herbs!"

She nodded. "Precisely. I am intrigued by your efficiency."

"IT'S JUST CUTTING PLANTS!"

She calmly took out her notebook and began writing.

"Subject Eldric displays heightened emotional response to being observed. Further study required."

I groaned loudly.

This was unbearable.

If I was going to retire, I needed at least one moment of peace before I left.

Which meant…

I had to get away from her.

---

The Escape Plan, Version 2.0

I stood up suddenly, dusting off my cloak.

"Alright," I sighed dramatically. "I, uh, need to… relieve myself."

Seraphina paused mid-writing.

She blinked. "Ah. Understood."

Success.

She lowered her notebook and actually turned away.

I barely suppressed a grin.

Phase one: Complete.

Now for phase two.

I casually walked away, heading deeper into the cavern, where the rocky terrain started splitting into smaller tunnels.

Once I was sure she wasn't looking…

I bolted.

Left tunnel.

Down the slope.

Past the weird glowing moss.

I skidded to a stop, heart pounding.

Perfect.

Seraphina was nowhere in sight.

I exhaled, victorious.

"Finally, some peace," I muttered.

I leaned against the cavern wall, taking a deep breath.

And that's when I saw it.

Near the base of the cavern wall, a small opening barely big enough for a person led into a narrow, dark passageway.

Inside, something faintly shimmered.

I squinted.

A gemstone?

It was wedged deep into the rocky wall just beyond the tunnel's entrance.

The way it gently pulsed with light, like the glow of the moon, made it look… valuable.

I hesitated.

I was retiring.

This wasn't my problem.

I was not going to do anything dumb.

…But if it was rare, it could be worth a lot of money.

Enough for a comfortable retirement.

Maybe even enough for a house.

And if someone else found it, I'd regret it forever.

I stared at the gemstone.

The gemstone seemed to stare back.

"...Damn it," I muttered.

I squeezed into the tunnel.

The passage was tight, forcing me to crawl forward on my elbows.

Dirt and loose rocks crumbled under my weight.

The air smelled slightly metallic—a bad sign, but I was too focused on my potential retirement fund to care.

After a few more shuffles, I finally reached the gemstone.

It was embedded deep into the cavern wall, shimmering like a miniature moon.

I gripped it firmly.

"...Alright. Just a gentle pull—"

I yanked.

The gemstone didn't budge.

I frowned.

"Okay, so maybe a little more force—"

I yanked harder.

A faint cracking sound echoed through the passage.

My instincts screamed at me to stop.

But I was so close.

"Come on, you stupid—"

I pulled with everything I had.

The gemstone suddenly popped out.

For a brief, glorious moment, I grinned in triumph.

Then the entire cave floor collapsed beneath me.

"OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING—" 

Gravity betrayed me instantly.

I plummeted into darkness, arms flailing wildly.

The tunnel expanded into a massive open cavern, and I barely had time to process how deep it went before—

BAM.

I slammed into something hard, bounced, hit something else, then tumbled further down.

Every rock, ledge, and obstacle personally introduced itself to my ribs.

"WHY," WHAM.

"DOES THIS," CRACK.

"ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!?" SLAM.

I kept falling.

And falling.

And falling.

Until finally—

I crashed into the cavern floor below, landing in the most undignified heap possible.

I groaned weakly.

I was alive.

Barely.

Everything hurt.

I lifted my trembling hand.

The gemstone was still in my grasp.

"...Worth it?" I wheezed.

---

Far above, near the original tunnel, Seraphina stood at the edge of the new hole in the ground, peering into the abyss.

She observed the massive collapse, then slowly lowered her gaze.

A faint echo of Eldric's voice could still be heard from below.

She reached into her cloak and pulled out her notebook.

She flipped to a blank page and calmly wrote:

"Subject Eldric Vayne: Inevitability of Self-Endangerment – Further research required."

Then, without another word, she closed the book and activated a tracking spell.

---

I was alive.

Somehow.

Barely.

Everything hurt.

I was half-buried in a thick layer of soft moss, my body twisted at an angle that definitely wasn't natural.

Pain screamed through every nerve.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't even tell if I was still breathing.

A dull ringing filled my ears, muffling the sound of my own weak gasps.

The world around me was pitch black—not just dungeon darkness, but a deep, consuming void.

No torchlight.

No glowing crystals.

Nothing.

Just an endless, suffocating abyss.

I was trapped.

Buried in a place that shouldn't exist.

And if I passed out here…

No one would find me.

I tried to move.

Immediate regret.

The moment I twitched my fingers, a blinding pain exploded through my entire body.

Cracked ribs.

Shoulder dislocated.

My leg? Definitely not okay.

My breath hitched, and my vision blurred even further.

I needed to stay awake.

If I passed out, I wasn't waking up.

But my body refused to listen.

I could feel my consciousness slipping, the heavy pull of exhaustion dragging me deeper into the abyss.

Until…

A soft pulse of light flickered through the darkness.

Faint.

Rhythmic.

Like a heartbeat.

I forced my head to turn slightly, my entire body screaming in protest.

And then I saw it.

The gemstone.

Still in my hand.

Still pulsing with a strange, silvery glow.

Somehow, even through all of this, I had never let go.

I let out a weak, broken laugh.

"Y-you… better be worth a fortune," I whispered.

I tried to regulate my breathing.

Shallow, slow inhales.

Short, careful exhales.

Every movement felt like my ribs were grinding against each other.

Okay.

Step 1: Figure out where I am.

I reached for my map pouch.

Or at least, I tried.

My right arm wouldn't move.

A dull panic throbbed at the edges of my brain.

I tried again.

Nothing.

Only my fingers twitched.

I let out a weak, shuddering breath.

"…Not good."

With my left hand, the only one that still barely worked, I fumbled at my belt.

Somehow, I managed to pull out my dungeon map.

I unrolled it slowly, but…

There was only one problem.

This place wasn't on the map.

Not even a hint of it.

My stomach dropped.

I let out a weak laugh.

"...Oh, I'm so screwed."

---

Meanwhile back, to Seraphina. 

Seraphina stood at the edge of the collapsed tunnel, peering into the abyss below.

Her tracking spell pulsed faintly in her palm, confirming Eldric's exact location.

A steep drop. Uncharted dungeon. High risk of injury.

She tapped the side of the spell, analyzing the results.

"...Several fractured bones," she murmured.

Her knight, Reina, sighed loudly.

"Of course he's injured."

The Silver Valkyries had arrived just moments after the collapse, tracking Seraphina's location.

Now, they stood behind her, staring down into the hole.

Kara, their rogue, crossed her arms. "So… should we go after him?"

Seraphina paused.

She considered the distance, the terrain, and the likelihood of Eldric's current condition.

Then she shook her head.

"Not yet."

Her party blinked.

"Not… yet?" Reina echoed.

Seraphina nodded.

"He is gravely injured but stable. He is not in immediate danger."

The elf rogue raised an eyebrow. "So, we're just gonna… leave him down there?"

Seraphina closed her notebook.

"For now."

Reina and Kara exchanged glances.

"...You're messing with him, aren't you?" Reina finally said.

Seraphina didn't answer.

But her tiny, amused smirk said everything.

---

Back to Eldric – Slowly Accepting Doom

I stared at the map again.

Then at the cavern around me.

Then back at the map.

"...Okay," I muttered. "Best-case scenario? This is a secret dungeon zone. Maybe I just found an unmapped area and—"

A low, guttural growl echoed through the cavern.

I froze.

The air shifted.

Something moved.

Something big.

I felt it before I saw it.

The weight of dozens of hungry red eyes locked onto me.

Shadows shifted along the cavern walls.

Shapes rose from the darkness, stretching impossibly tall.

And then I saw them.

Dungeon monsters.

Massive ones.

Too big.

Too many.

More than I could count.

A single hissing growl made my blood run cold.

I tightened my grip on the gemstone.

I couldn't run.

I couldn't fight.

I could barely breathe.

"...I hate my life," I whispered.

---

I couldn't move.

I could barely breathe.

And now, monsters were closing in.

Because, of course, they were.

Dozens of hulking shadows shifted in the pitch-black cavern, their red eyes flickering hungrily.

Their forms were massive, coiling and twisting like serpents made of shadow.

Some had clawed limbs, others had fangs gleaming in the faint silver glow of my gemstone.

Every single one of them had noticed me.

Every single one of them wanted to kill me.

And I couldn't even lift my damn arms.

Okay.

Think.

Stay calm.

…Actually, panic.

PANIC REALLY HARD.

I shut my eyes, heart pounding.

Maybe if I just pretend to be dead…

I forced myself to go still, keeping my breath shallow.

The monsters stopped moving.

A long, tense silence.

Then—

Something poked me.

Hard.

I winced.

"Ow—"

…Oh no.

A low, guttural snarl rippled through the air.

The monsters had heard me.

And they did not sound happy.

---

Meanwhile, Back at the Dungeon Entrance (Seraphina's Perspective)

Seraphina stood at the collapsed tunnel, holding her tracking spell aloft.

Her golden eyes glowed faintly in the darkness.

Below, Eldric was surrounded.

He was badly injured.

He was completely helpless.

He was attempting to play dead and failing spectacularly.

Seraphina exhaled through her nose.

"...Predictable."

Reina, standing beside her, sighed. "Alright, so do we save him now, or—"

Seraphina lifted a hand, stopping her.

"Not yet."

Reina narrowed her eyes. "Seriously?"

Seraphina calmly flipped to a new page in her notebook.

"Subject Eldric demonstrates impressive survivability despite overwhelming odds. Testing reaction to high-threat scenarios."

Kara, the rogue, stared at her.

"...You're really using him as a research project, huh?"

Seraphina did not respond.

But her tiny smirk spoke volumes.

---

The monsters moved in.

I tensed, bracing for the end.

But then—

The gemstone in my hand pulsed.

A bright, silver light suddenly flashed through the cavern.

The monsters froze.

A deep vibration rumbled through the air, like a heartbeat echoing through stone.

The creatures snarled and backed away, their red eyes flickering.

A low, guttural sound rippled through the chamber—something old, something powerful stirring beneath the dungeon.

The gemstone pulsed again, harder this time.

I stared at it weakly.

"Wait… what now…?"

I was tired.

I was in pain.

And I was so unbelievably done with this.

I tightened my grip on the gemstone, frustration bubbling up from the deepest, most exhausted part of my soul.

"Oh, what now!?" I groaned, voice rasping. "Is this the part where I get cursed!? Huh!? Is that what's happening!?"

The gemstone glowed brighter.

I ignored it.

"I swear to the gods, my life is the stupidest joke in history!" I half-snarled, half-wheezed.

"Five years!" I continued, voice cracking. "FIVE YEARS in this stupid city! I trained, I suffered, I survived! And what do I get!?"

I threw my free hand up.

"Mocked by the guild."

"Scammed by merchants."

"Kicked out of every single adventuring party."

"Turned into a running joke."

The gemstone pulsed again, stronger this time.

I barely noticed.

"And do you know what makes it even worse!?" I laughed bitterly. "I never even had a GIRLFRIEND!"

The cavern shuddered slightly.

"I spent my whole damn life grinding for gear, trying to level up, doing whatever it took to be an adventurer!"

Another pained laugh.

"And for what!? FOR WHAT!?"

I lifted the gemstone weakly.

"You know what? Fine. Fine. You wanna be part of my stupid tragic story!?"

I squinted at it.

"I love you, stupid rock!"

The cavern rumbled.

"THERE. I SAID IT. AT LEAST NOW I WON'T DIE SINGLE."

And with the last bit of strength I had left…

I threw the gemstone away.

The gemstone landed with a soft clink.

At the feet of something.

I barely registered it.

The pain in my body peaked, my vision blurred.

The cavern shook violently.

I heard a voice—deep, smooth, amused.

"Oh? Such a bold confession in the depths of despair…"

My body gave out.

I felt my head hit the moss.

My vision faded into blackness.

The last thing I saw before passing out…

Was the shadowy figure of a woman, crimson eyes gleaming in the darkness.

And then—

Nothing.

---

 Seconds Later

Velzaria, the Demon General of the Abyss, stood in the darkness, arms folded.

Her long, flowing black battle robes brushed against the cavern floor as she glanced down at the glowing gemstone.

Then at the unconscious, half-broken human lying before her.

Then back at the gemstone.

Her crimson eyes narrowed slightly.

"...A proposal?" she murmured, her voice a smooth whisper.

The words did not quite make sense.

A human—a weak, fragile, dying human—had just freed her.

And the first thing he did was pledge his love?

She bent down slightly, studying his face.

He was completely unconscious.

His breath was ragged, his injuries severe.

Yet… he was smiling slightly.

A low chuckle escaped her lips.

"A foolish one, aren't you?"

She picked up the gemstone—now a faded husk.

Then she reached down—her clawed fingers brushing against his battered body.

"...I suppose I shall accept this 'proposal' of yours, then."

Her eyes glowed brighter, magic pulsing around her.

"And take responsibility for my fated one."

---