Chapter 4: Why It's Always Me!?
I drifted between consciousness and darkness, my body stuck somewhere between pain and exhaustion.
I should have died.
That fall alone should have snapped me in half.
But I was still here.
Unfortunately.
I felt warmth—an unnatural, lingering heat against my skin.
A slow, pulsing energy wrapped around me, like something was forcing me to heal.
I cracked one eye open.
Everything was blurry, but…
I wasn't lying on the cold dungeon floor anymore.
Something soft was beneath me.
I blinked sluggishly, my vision finally focusing.
A black robe.
A very expensive-looking, embroidered robe.
That was when I realized…
I wasn't lying on the ground.
I was lying in someone's lap.
A woman's lap.
And she was stroking my hair.
Very gently.
I froze.
---
She was tall.
Too tall.
Even seated, she gave off the kind of intimidating presence that made you question your entire existence.
Her long black hair flowed like liquid shadow, cascading down past her shoulders.
Her crimson eyes glowed faintly in the dim cavern light, studying me with a calm amusement that made me even more nervous.
Her dark robes were embroidered with sigils, the fabric smooth and regal, with a faint ethereal glow.
Oh.
Oh no.
My heart lurched.
The gemstone. The dungeon shaking. The strange magic.
The voice before I passed out.
Slowly, I tilted my head.
A few feet away, the faded husk of the gemstone lay cracked on the cavern floor.
I swallowed thickly.
She noticed me moving slightly and let out a small hum of amusement.
"Ah. You're awake," she mused.
Her voice was smooth, like silk laced with dark amusement.
I tried to sit up.
Pain exploded through my body.
I groaned weakly and collapsed back into her lap.
Her lips curved into a smirk.
"You shouldn't move," she said lightly. "Your injuries were… severe."
I stiffened.
My brain was finally catching up.
This wasn't just some random dungeon NPC.
This wasn't a hallucination.
This was—
"Oh gods," I rasped. "I just woke up in a demon's lap."
Her smirk widened.
"Indeed."
I felt my soul trying to escape my body.
---
Seraphina lowered her tracking spell, her golden eyes flickering as she processed the new unexpected development.
"...A second powerful magic signature has appeared."
Reina frowned, arms crossed. "So, someone else was sealed down there?"
"Not just anyone," Seraphina murmured, flipping through her notebook.
She wrote quickly, her pen gliding over the paper.
"Subject Eldric has awakened an unknown entity. Mana signature suggests a high-level being—possibly of ancient origin."
She tapped the edge of the page.
"His survival percentage has… shifted."
Kara, the rogue, leaned forward. "Shifted how?"
Seraphina closed her notebook.
"Previously, it was 0.8%."
A pause.
"...Now?" Reina asked.
Seraphina's golden eyes gleamed faintly.
"100%."
A beat of silence.
Then Kara let out a low whistle.
"Damn," she muttered. "Lucky bastard."
Reina's eyebrow twitched.
"I somehow doubt that," she grumbled.
---
I was in absolute pain, trapped in the lap of a woman who should not exist, and I had zero escape options.
She tilted her head slightly, as if waiting for me to say something.
I licked my dry lips.
"…S-so," I wheezed. "I-I don't suppose you're… just some kind of very attractive hallucination?"
She let out a low, amused chuckle.
"I assure you," she said smoothly, "I am very real."
I forced a swallow.
"O-okay. Cool. That's… cool."
I paused.
Then I weakly added:
"Can I, uh… go back to being unconscious?"
Her smirk widened.
"Now why would you do that?"
I groaned internally.
"Because I feel like something very bad is about to happen, and I don't wanna be awake for it."
She laughed softly, her clawed fingers lightly tapping against my chest.
"It's a little late for that, fated one."
Fated one.
A cold chill shot down my spine.
I stared at her, mouth dry.
"...I'm sorry. My what?"
She tilted her head slightly.
"Are you unaware of the meaning behind your actions?"
I gulped.
"...Y-you mean the part where I fell into this cursed dungeon, almost died, and woke up in a demon's lap?"
She chuckled again, clearly entertained.
"No," she said. "The part where you pledged yourself to me."
I blinked.
Then blinked again.
My brain shut down.
"...I what."
She smirked, clearly enjoying my suffering.
"You offered your love to me in the depths of despair," she said smoothly. "A bold declaration, indeed."
I felt my entire body lock up.
Memories rushed back.
The gemstone pulsing.
The dungeon shaking.
Me, half-delirious, screaming at it before passing out.
"You know what? Fine! I LOVE YOU, STUPID ROCK!"
Oh.
Oh no.
OH NO.
I let out a strangled wheeze.
"Wait, w-wait, WAIT—THAT DIDN'T COUNT!"
She arched a delicate brow.
"Oh?"
"I—I was talking to a ROCK!" I shrieked.
She hummed thoughtfully, her crimson eyes gleaming.
"And yet, the rock was the vessel of my existence."
"THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!"
"Is it not?" she mused, tilting her head. "In demon culture, such words carry great weight. A confession of eternal love, spoken in the moment of ultimate desperation? It is no different than a binding proposal."
My entire soul tried to leave my body.
"NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO."
She chuckled.
"I see. You are shy," she mused, amusement flickering in her tone.
I choked on air.
"SHY!?"
She leaned closer.
"Do not worry, fated one. I shall take good care of you."
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
I wanted to scream.
---
I was in hell.
Not literally.
But close enough.
I was still half-broken, barely able to move, lying in the lap of a woman who radiated danger.
A misunderstanding. A massive, world-ending, life-ruining misunderstanding.
And I needed to fix it. Immediately.
---
I forced my trembling arms to move, pushing against the fabric of her robes.
"Okay," I rasped, "L-let's just… rewind a little."
She arched a delicate brow.
"Rewind?"
"Yes! Rewind!" I huffed weakly. "You seem… uh, very nice, but this is not what you think it is!"
She didn't even blink.
"Ah. You are in denial."
I wheeze-laughed.
"I AM NOT IN DENIAL!"
Her crimson eyes gleamed faintly in the dim cavern light.
"You called out to me. Declared your love in your final moment of desperation," she mused.
I winced.
Oh. Right. That part.
"That was sarcasm!" I shouted—well, croaked.
She blinked. "Sarcasm?"
"YES! SARCASM!"
A pause.
Her expression remained unreadable.
And then—
She tilted her head.
"...I see. You are embarrassed."
I choked.
"No. No, no, no, no, no!"
A small, knowing smirk played at the corners of her lips.
"It's alright," she purred. "You need not be ashamed of such feelings. Even the bravest warriors hesitate when confronted with destiny."
I wanted to scream.
---
Seraphina observed quietly from above, her golden eyes flicking between Eldric and the newly awakened woman.
She flipped a fresh page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric displays extreme emotional distress following his 'proposal.' Testing reaction to long-term commitment."
She tapped her pen against the parchment.
Fascinating.
Kara, the rogue, leaned over. "Sooo… do we intervene, or…?"
Seraphina continued writing.
"No."
Reina sighed. "Of course not."
---
Meanwhile, I was rapidly losing my mind.
I stared at the woman in horror.
"You—You're serious!?" I wheezed.
She gave me a cool, knowing look.
"You are my fated one."
"I AM NOT YOUR FATED ONE!"
Her smirk deepened.
"Then why did you call out to me?"
"BECAUSE I WAS DYING!"
She shrugged gracefully.
"Then it was fate that I answered."
I could feel my soul trying to escape my body.
"Listen," I gasped, desperately trying to sit up. "I—I don't know how things work where you're from, but in human culture, sarcasm doesn't count as a marriage proposal!"
She tapped her chin thoughtfully.
"Hmm… I disagree."
I wanted to cry.
---
She slowly reached out, her clawed fingers brushing my forehead.
A strange, warm energy seeped into my skin, and suddenly—
The pain in my body vanished.
I blinked.
My ribs weren't screaming anymore.
My arm was working again.
Even my breathing felt normal.
I was… healed?
I slowly looked up at her.
She gave me a smug smile.
"I have accepted your proposal," she said smoothly.
I froze.
She gently placed her hand over my chest.
"And as my fated one, it is my duty to ensure your well-being."
I felt cold.
"…What does that mean?"
Her crimson eyes burned with amusement.
"It means you are now under my protection."
I stared at her, horror sinking in.
"Wait. WAIT."
She tilted her head.
"Does this mean," I croaked, "I—I CAN'T DIE NOW!?"
A small, pleased smirk curled at her lips.
"Correct."
My entire soul left my body.
---
Seraphina flipped another page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric now possesses an unnatural survival rate of 100%. Testing durability against future hazards."
She calmly clicked her pen.
"Fascinating."
Reina sighed loudly. "He's doomed."
Kara smirked. "Oh, absolutely."
---
I was in danger.
Not the immediate, get-eaten-by-a-monster kind of danger.
No, this was a different kind.
The kind where a tall, powerful, terrifyingly beautiful woman just told me I was now under her "protection."
The kind where she looked disturbingly pleased about it.
The kind where I could not escape.
This was a long-term kind of doom.
---
I stared at her, barely breathing.
"You're saying… I can't die now?"
She nodded, completely serious.
"As my fated one, your life is now bound to my will," she said smoothly.
I felt my entire body go cold.
"Bound?!" I sputtered. "What do you mean, bound!?"
She smirked slightly.
"It is quite simple. So long as I will it, you will not perish."
My mouth went dry.
"...That's just a longer way of saying cursed."
She tilted her head slightly, amused.
"Is it?"
"YES!"
---
Seraphina flipped a page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric exhibits strong resistance to the concept of immortality. Further study required."
She tapped her pen against the page.
Fascinating.
Kara, the rogue, peered over her shoulder.
"So," she whispered, "should we tell him that she's a high-level being?"
Reina snorted.
"Absolutely not. I want to see how long it takes for him to figure it out."
Kara smirked.
"…Five silver says he doesn't realize until she says it outright."
"Deal."
---
Meanwhile, I was spiraling into existential horror.
"Wait, WAIT—does this mean I can't even get injured now!?" I shouted, panic creeping into my voice.
She nodded.
"Correct. The injuries you sustained upon your fall were immediately erased once I accepted your proposal."
"I DIDN'T PROPOSE TO YOU!"
She gave me a long, amused look.
"You did," she corrected smoothly. "You spoke words of eternal devotion in your final moments, then offered yourself willingly."
"I WAS TALKING TO A ROCK!"
She shrugged.
"And yet, that rock was the vessel that bound me."
I gasped in horror.
"OH GODS. THIS IS A CONTRACT."
She smirked again, but said nothing.
---
I grabbed my hair, shaking my head.
"Okay. No. NO. This is not happening. I refuse. I reject this."
She tilted her head.
"Reject?"
"YES. REJECT. CANCEL. UNDO. CONTROL+Z!"
She chuckled softly.
"That is not how fate works."
"Fate can go to hell!" I yelled.
She arched a delicate brow.
"How bold. You truly are my fated one."
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
---
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
"Alright," I said through gritted teeth. "Before I lose my mind entirely… who—"
I gulped.
"—who exactly are you?"
She regarded me for a moment.
Then, with the air of someone introducing themselves to a vassal, she placed a hand over her chest and said—
"I am Velzaria."
I froze.
No last name. No title.
Just Velzaria.
That shouldn't have sounded ominous.
But it did.
It really, really did.
---
Seraphina flipped another page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric finally understands the gravity of his situation. Panic response detected."
She clicked her pen, satisfied.
Reina sighed. "Took him long enough."
Kara smirked. "Guess I win the bet."
Reina grumbled and handed over five silver coins.
---
Meanwhile, I was hyperventilating.
"V-Velzaria?" I stammered.
She gave me a pleased smile.
"A name you will grow accustomed to in time," she said smoothly.
I wasn't breathing properly anymore.
She sounded so sure.
So confident.
So completely convinced that this was happening.
"Listen, Velzaria," I forced out. "I think there's been a very big misunderstanding."
She raised a single elegant brow.
"Oh?"
"Yes!" I nodded frantically. "You see, in human culture, sarcasm is a thing. A very important thing. And what I said before? That was sarcasm. It wasn't a real—"
She placed a single finger against my lips.
I froze.
The warmth of her skin sent an unnatural chill down my spine.
She smiled.
"Enough," she whispered.
I felt my soul shatter.
"Fate has chosen," she murmured. "You are mine now."
I screamed internally.
---
I had faced many terrible things in my life.
Getting kicked out of every adventuring party? Humiliating.
Living as the weakest solo adventurer for five years? Depressing.
Falling into an uncharted dungeon and nearly dying? Expected.
But nothing—nothing—was worse than this.
Being claimed by an overly confident, terrifyingly powerful woman who absolutely refused to listen to reason.
Velzaria sat beside me, calmly watching me panic for my life.
Her expression? Unbothered.
Her tone? Smooth and confident.
Her attitude? Smug as hell.
And me?
I was about three seconds away from passing out again.
---
I held up my hands, frantically shaking my head.
"A-alright, listen. I know you think fate has decided, but I assure you, it has not!"
Velzaria tilted her head, clearly amused.
"You continue to resist," she mused.
"BECAUSE THIS IS INSANE!" I shouted. "Y-you can't just claim someone like this! That's not how life works!"
She smirked.
"In your culture, perhaps."
I froze.
"...In yours?" I asked, horrified.
She gave me a slow, knowing smile.
"It is quite common for one of great power to claim what is rightfully theirs."
My soul left my body.
"I AM NOT A POSSESSION!"
Velzaria chuckled.
"A matter of perspective."
I grabbed my head in absolute despair.
---
Meanwhile, Seraphina was still taking notes.
"Subject Eldric continues to resist new life circumstances. Potential denial phase ongoing."
She clicked her pen.
"Interesting," she murmured.
Reina sighed loudly.
"I know I say this a lot, but he's doomed."
Kara grinned.
"Should we start taking bets on how long it takes before he gives up?"
Seraphina tapped her chin thoughtfully.
"Predicting an exact timeframe is difficult… but his resistance is fascinating."
Reina pinched the bridge of her nose.
"This is not a research project!"
Seraphina turned to her, expression neutral.
"Everything is a research project."
---
I was having a breakdown.
"So what happens now!?" I demanded. "Are you gonna drag me into a cave and make me your cursed husband!?"
Velzaria smirked.
"That is an option."
I choked on air.
"SARCASM! SARCASM!"
She let out a low, amused chuckle.
"Your spirit is refreshing."
"I'D LIKE TO RETURN IT FOR A REFUND!"
She ignored my suffering.
---
And then—
The ground shook slightly.
A deep vibration rippled through the cavern.
I froze.
"...What was that?" I muttered.
Velzaria's smirk vanished.
She lifted her gaze, crimson eyes narrowing slightly.
"Something approaches."
My stomach dropped.
"You mean, like… a monster?"
Her gaze flickered toward the entrance of the cavern.
"No," she murmured. "Something worse."
A faint muffled sound echoed through the tunnel.
I listened carefully.
Voices.
Getting closer.
And then—
A loud, echoing voice filled the cavern.
"ELDRIC, YOU IDIOT, ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?"
My blood ran cold.
I recognized that voice.
I turned to Velzaria, panic in my eyes.
"...We need to hide."
---
The voices were getting closer.
I could hear boots on stone, the unmistakable clanking of armor and weapons.
And worse—
The one voice I absolutely did not want to hear.
"ELDRIC, YOU IDIOT, ANSWER ME BEFORE I COME DOWN THERE AND BEAT YOU INTO THE AFTERLIFE!"
I froze in absolute horror.
Velzaria watched me curiously, tilting her head.
"You seem tense," she mused.
"TENSE!?" I hissed. "I AM ABOUT TO BE KILLED!"
She raised an eyebrow.
"But you cannot die," she reminded me smoothly.
I stared at her.
"That is not the point!"
---
How did this happen?
Let's rewind ten minutes.
After the dungeon collapse, Seraphina's tracking spell had immediately confirmed my survival.
However, rather than rushing in to help, she had opted to observe from a distance, calmly documenting my suffering and bad decisions.
But up on the surface, news of my "disappearance" had already spread.
The adventurer's guild, expecting yet another tragic rookie death, had immediately formed a rescue team.
Seraphina's party was already inside the dungeon, having followed her here originally.
Rather than wasting time walking, she had simply teleported herself and her party the moment the rescue team reached our location.
Now, she stood near the cavern entrance, notebook in hand, watching everything unfold in real-time.
And she looked very interested.
---
Back to the present.
The tunnel entrance lit up, glowing from the torches of the approaching rescue party.
Voices grew louder—more than just the one I recognized.
At least half a dozen people.
My stomach twisted.
This was a disaster.
---
I scrambled up, gripping Velzaria's arms.
"Okay, okay, listen," I whispered frantically.
She blinked, unfazed.
"...Yes?"
"You—you need to hide!"
Her crimson eyes narrowed slightly.
"Hide?" she repeated.
"YES! Just for a moment! Just until I can explain this properly!"
Velzaria tilted her head slightly, as if considering the request.
And then—
"No."
I almost cried.
---
The first person stepped through the cavern entrance.
"Alright, where is that dumbass—"
Seraphina's knight, Reina, stopped mid-step.
Her eyes landed on me first.
Then, slowly, she registered the fact that I was standing next to an unknown woman.
A very, very suspiciously powerful-looking woman.
Reina's entire expression shut down.
"...Eldric," she said carefully. "Who. Is. That?"
My entire body locked up.
"Uh."
Reina narrowed her eyes.
"Eldric."
"U-uh."
More figures appeared—Seraphina, Kara, and at least four other adventurers from the guild—
All staring in absolute silence.
And then—
Seraphina, standing beside Reina, calmly said—
"He proposed."
---
Absolute silence.
---
Someone dropped a weapon.
Another person choked on air.
Reina's face twitched violently.
"He what."
---
I spun around so fast I nearly fell.
"SERAPHINA! YOU DID NOT HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT!"
She blinked.
"But it is factually correct," she said plainly.
I wanted to die.
---
A different voice spoke up from the crowd.
"...You're kidding, right?"
Garret.
One of the many people who had mocked me relentlessly at the guild.
His face was a mix of disbelief, horror, and badly contained laughter.
He pointed a shaky hand at Velzaria.
"THAT—That's your fiancée!?"
"NO!" I shouted immediately.
"Yes," Velzaria said smoothly at the same time.
Everyone gasped.
I felt my soul leave my body.
---
Reina stepped forward, gripping the hilt of her sword.
Her eyes locked onto Velzaria like a hawk.
"...What exactly are you?" she asked, her voice edged with caution.
Velzaria met her gaze without hesitation.
"A traveler," she answered smoothly.
My stomach lurched.
That was not an answer.
Reina's eyes narrowed.
---
Garret was still processing this entire mess.
"So… what?" He laughed nervously. "Eldric, the Forever F-Rank, the capital's weakest adventurer, just… got engaged to a mysterious dungeon woman?"
More whispers.
Some of the guild adventurers were barely holding in their laughter.
Others were watching the situation unfold like a slow-moving carriage accident.
I gritted my teeth.
"I AM NOT ENGAGED!"
Velzaria touched my shoulder.
"Do not worry," she whispered. "They will come to accept it soon."
I wanted to cry.
---
Seraphina, standing off to the side, flipped a new page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric now faces significant social consequences for his 'proposal.' Testing long-term group response."
She clicked her pen.
"Interesting."
Reina groaned loudly.
"This is a nightmare."
Garret let out a hysterical laugh.
"Oh, it is! But it's HIS nightmare!"
I was in hell.
---
The silence in the cavern was absolute.
The rescue team, half the guild, and my worst tormentors were all staring at me.
Staring at her.
And processing what they had just heard.
That I, Eldric Vayne, the weakest adventurer in the capital, had somehow…
Gotten engaged.
To a mysterious, incredibly powerful woman.
In an uncharted dungeon.
In less than a day.
---
"Alright."
Reina took a deep, slow breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Let's go over this carefully."
She pointed at Velzaria.
"You," she said, voice tight. "Are claiming to be engaged to him?"
"Correct." Velzaria nodded gracefully, standing by my side like this was a formal event.
Reina then slowly turned to me.
"And you?"
I snapped out of my paralysis.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" I screamed. "I DIDN'T PROPOSE! THIS IS A MASSIVE MISUNDERSTANDING!"
---
Garret, who had been holding it in this entire time, finally lost it.
He doubled over, wheezing with laughter.
"OH GODS, THIS IS GOLDEN!"
Other adventurers snorted, some were wide-eyed, and a few whispered like they were witnessing a legendary event.
One guy whispered, "First Seraphina, now this? Maybe Eldric really is a lady-killer?"
I wanted to punch something.
---
Seraphina, still calmly taking notes, adjusted her stance slightly.
"Subject Eldric is now experiencing severe reputational damage. Predicting prolonged mental distress."
She clicked her pen.
"Fascinating."
Reina sighed.
"Okay. Let's get some basic facts here," she grumbled.
She turned back to Velzaria.
"You said you're a traveler?"
Velzaria nodded.
"Indeed."
"And you met Eldric… how?"
She gestured toward the collapsed tunnel.
"He called out to me in his moment of despair, offering his love."
I felt my soul physically leave my body.
---
Reina slowly turned back to me.
"…Eldric."
"I WAS TALKING TO A ROCK!"
The entire cavern went silent.
Someone coughed.
---
Garret wiped tears from his eyes.
"Oh gods. He confessed to a rock."
Kara smirked.
"Romantic."
Another adventurer snorted.
"Truly the love story of our generation."
I wanted the floor to swallow me.
---
Reina exhaled heavily.
"Okay. Okay," she muttered. "Fine. Let's say this is a misunderstanding."
She turned back to Velzaria.
"And you… took this confession seriously?"
Velzaria's crimson eyes flickered.
She nodded.
"In my culture, words spoken in one's final moment of despair are sacred. A pledge of eternal devotion cannot be ignored."
The guild adventurers stared at me like I had just doomed myself.
One guy whispered, "Damn. That's rough."
"IT WAS SARCASM!" I screamed.
Velzaria smiled faintly.
"You deny your heart's truth."
I clutched my skull in agony.
---
Reina rubbed her temples.
"Alright, so what you're saying is… Eldric is now magically bound to you?"
Velzaria nodded smoothly.
"As his fated one, I have ensured his survival."
Reina's eyes twitched.
She turned to me again.
"Eldric. You can't die?"
I paused.
Then, I froze.
"...Oh gods."
Reina's voice was flat.
"You didn't realize until just now, did you."
I broke into a cold sweat.
---
Seraphina flipped a new page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric is experiencing delayed comprehension of his immortal status. Testing further reactions."
She clicked her pen.
"Fascinating."
---
Garret grinned.
"Hey, maybe this isn't so bad," he laughed. "Think about it, Eldric. You can't die! You could throw yourself off a building and walk away without a scratch!"
"I DON'T WANT TO THROW MYSELF OFF A BUILDING!"
Garret chuckled.
"Not yet."
---
Reina groaned.
"Okay. Look," she said, gripping her sword tightly. "Whether or not this is a misunderstanding, we still have a problem."
She pointed at Velzaria.
"We don't know who she really is."
Velzaria's crimson gaze met Reina's directly.
She did not speak.
She did not react.
She simply smiled faintly.
Reina's grip on her sword tightened.
---
Seraphina cleared her throat.
"Given that she healed Eldric instantly and her presence caused significant magical disturbances in the dungeon…"
She paused.
Then, in a completely neutral voice, she added:
"…It is highly likely she is an extremely dangerous individual."
Silence.
Then, Reina immediately unsheathed her sword.
---
The entire rescue team tensed up.
Guild adventurers gripped their weapons.
Velzaria?
She remained completely unbothered.
She merely tilted her head slightly.
And then, with a slow, amused smile, she spoke:
"You intend to fight me?"
The air in the cavern grew thick.
A low, unnatural energy pulsed through the room.
Reina stiffened, her grip tightening.
The adventurers shuffled nervously.
Garret gulped.
"Uh, guys?" he whispered. "I think we just messed up."
I slammed my hands together in front of me.
"OKAY, EVERYONE, LET'S JUST STOP RIGHT THERE!"
---
Silence.
Every eye turned toward me.
I took a deep breath.
"Look," I croaked. "I know this looks bad. Really, really bad."
Reina's eye twitched.
"That is an understatement."
I gulped.
"BUT," I wheezed, "maybe—**just maybe—**we could talk things out before someone gets disintegrated?"
Reina did not look convinced.
Velzaria let out a small, amused hum.
"Negotiation?" she mused.
"YES!" I shouted.
She smirked.
"Then I shall let you handle this, fated one."
I felt my soul break.
---
Seraphina flipped another page in her notebook.
"Subject Eldric is now acting as a diplomatic buffer. Predicting stress-related collapse."
She clicked her pen.
"Fascinating."
I turned to the adventurers with the most exhausted look imaginable.
"Guys. Please." I took a deep breath. "Let's just… go back to the guild and pretend today never happened."
Garret snorted.
"Oh, buddy."
He clapped me on the shoulder.
"You are never living this down."
I wanted to scream.
---