Chapter 7: Consequences

The next morning I got up, feeling like I had been washed out of my emotions. Everything was so mechanical - getting out of bed, getting dressed, going down to the kitchen. Mom was sitting at the table with a mug of coffee, and sandwiches were waiting for me on the counter.

- Good morning, darling," she said quietly, as if she was afraid that any louder sound would startle me.

- Good morning," I muttered, sitting down at the table.

We ate in silence. Mom glanced at me every now and then with concern, but said nothing more. Maybe she knew I didn't feel like talking. My head was still in chaos, but I tried to focus on simple actions - bite, chew, swallow.

When I finished, I got up, picked up my backpack and headed for the door.

- I'm going to school," I chuckled before she could say anything.

- Have a nice day," she replied, but I didn't look away.

Outside, the air was cool and crisp, and the sun was just beginning to rise. I walked along the sidewalk in silence until I heard a familiar voice behind me.

- Hey, Maja! Wait! - Nadia ran towards me, waving her hand.

I stopped, letting her catch up with me. She looked as she always did - energetic, with a backpack slung over one shoulder and a smile that seemed to say that the world was one big backyard to play in.

- Hey old," I said, trying to smile, though it probably came out more like a grimace.

- Are you okay? You look, somehow, pale," she asked, looking at me carefully.

- I didn't sleep very well," I muttered, shrugging my shoulders.

Nadia did not inquire, but squinted her eyes as if she suspected something.

- Well, all right, but you know the old one that if anything, you can always tell me, no?

I nodded, although deep down I knew I couldn't tell her everything. I didn't even know where I should start.

- Come on, because we will be late, and today we have math in the first lesson. And I need you as my "download,"" she joked, poking me lightly with her elbow.

- Sure," I replied quietly, trying to smile.

We moved together toward the school, and I felt Lina's quiet voice begin to fill my head again. This time, however, it was more distant, like an echo. I focused on Nadia's voice, which began to tell me about something that happened after school yesterday, trying to put everything else out of my thoughts.

The school looked as it always did - gray, with a somewhat dilapidated facade and a scratched-up front door, through which a crowd of kids passed every day. Nadia and I pushed our way through a group of older boys who were talking loudly about some new challenge on TikTok.

- You'll see, we'll get hammered on math and they'll immediately realize that we're sigma," chuckled one of them, at which the rest burst out laughing.

Nadia rolled her eyes, whispering to me:

- What sigma? They don't even grasp the multiplication table. Not to mention peeing straight.

I burst into laughter, though quietly so as not to draw their attention. We moved to the math room, where the class was already starting to fill up. We took seats in the last bench, and I tried not to draw attention to myself.

The first lesson passed slowly. Math was never my favorite, but this time I was exceptionally unable to concentrate. The pencil was sliding across the paper, and my thoughts were going somewhere far away.

When the bell rang, Nadia turned to me with a smile.

- Thanks for your help. Seriously, you saved my butt on this task.

I smiled slightly, but before I could say anything, I heard familiar voices.

- Oh, Majka! How is your new "career" on TikTok? - asked Kuba, one of the guys in the class, with a goofy grin on his face.

- What? - I asked, wrinkling my eyebrows.

- You know "dino challenge." Is it true that you record yourself running after dinosaurs? - interjected Paul, bursting out laughing.

The rest of the group nodded, laughing loudly. I knew it was an allusion to Marcel and what had happened at the movie theater. I could feel my cheeks turning red.

- Idiots, give her a break, eh? - interjected Nadia, looking at them sharply.

- Cool, don't get so tense Nadia. It's just jokes. But you know yourself that it's a mega krinkle. - Cuba made a strange head movement, imitating a dinosaur, and burst out laughing along with the rest.

- Pathetic," muttered Nadia, pulling me by the sleeve. - Come on, old girl. It's not worth bothering with these gays.

We walked away into the hallway, but I could feel their stares on my back and hear their laughter echoing in my head. Lina spoke up suddenly, her voice quiet but clear:

- You should do something about them. They think they can do anything because you don't react.

I clenched my teeth, trying to ignore her, but her words stuck in my thoughts like splinters.

Further lessons passed as if in some strange haze. I sat in class, looking at the blackboard, but not a single word spoken by the teachers reached me. Everything seemed to be a blur, and my mind wandered somewhere else. Every now and then Lina would speak in my head, whispering comments about what was happening around me.

- Why don't you say anything to them? Do you think this will go away on its own? - she said as I heard more taunting remarks thrown in my direction.

I tried to ignore it, but each word hammered deeper into me.

At the last break, I could no longer stand the tense silence in my own head or the laughter that filled the hallway. I was standing at my locker, trying to concentrate on closing the lock on my backpack, when I heard familiar voices behind me.

- Crazy, what's up with the psychologist? Apparently they're sending you to a "hospital for downers"? - chuckled Cuba with a goofy grin.

- Or maybe she is already "sigma down" - because only real psychos go to a psychiatrist! - added Paul, giggling

The group around them burst out laughing.

- Leave me alone," I said quietly, trying to control the anger that began to gather inside me.

- Ooo, the dowager was offended! - Cuba began to imitate my voice, adding a theatrical tone to it.

It was too much. Something inside me snapped.

- Shut up! - I shouted, turning around violently.

Cuba only smiled.

- Well, because what? You can't laugh at downy anymore.

I wasn't thinking. I wasn't listening. In a second I rushed at him, aiming a fist at his face. I felt his nose crackle under the impact, and blood began to run down his chin.

- Maja, what are you doing! - someone shouted, but I didn't hear anymore.

The other boy, Paul, tried to pull me away, but I kicked him in the knee and dealt another blow, this time right in the eye. He started screaming, holding his face.

- Stop it! - shouted the teacher, running in between us. Several other students helped her pull me away, while Cuba and Paul whined like little children on the floor.

I felt my heart beating like crazy, and my blood was humming in my ears. The teacher grabbed my shoulders, shaking me gently.

- Maja, what are you doing! - she shouted, looking at me in horror.

I did not respond. There was only one thing in my head - the voice of Lina, who whispered quietly, almost satisfied:

- Finally. You've shown them that they can't treat you like this.

I didn't know if I was right or if I had just done the worst thing I could do. Everything around me seemed to swirl as the teachers escorted me to the headmistress.

I sat in an uncomfortable chair in the office, staring at the wall. On the desk next to it lay my backpack, as if it were evidence in the case. The room was silent, broken only by muffled sounds coming from the hallway. The headmistress, a middle-aged woman with a stern expression, looked at me from behind her glasses as if I had just set the school on fire.

- Do you even realize what you have done? - She asked, leaning on the desk with her hands.

- Yes, I beat two retards," I replied coolly, looking at her with a challenge.

- Maja, this is not a matter of "debilitation". You broke the rules. You could have seriously hurt them! - Her voice became increasingly harsh.

- Maybe they deserved it? - I chuckled, crossing my arms over my chest.

- You have no right to say that. Violence is never a solution.

I rolled my eyes.

- Sure, because the talks at this school work so well. No wonder people like them feel impunity.

- People like this? Maya, you're the one who acted like the aggressor here! - The director raised her voice, and her cheeks blushed slightly.

- No, they are the ones who provoked me! - I shouted, rising from my chair. - But of course, you won't understand that. Because you are as stupid as they are!

Silence fell in the office. The director froze, as if she did not believe what she had just heard.

- Maja, enough! - she finally said, straightening up and pointing her finger at the chair. - Sit down immediately!

I sat down with a bang, angry at myself, at her, at everything.

- Then we must call your mother," she announced firmly.

- There you go. He won't do anything anyway," I replied with a wince, although inside I felt panic sweep over me.

The headmistress reached for the phone, and I drove my gaze to the floor, hearing her dial the number. After a moment, she was already speaking in a calm but stern tone:

- Ms. Wojnicz? Please come to the school very much. It's about Maja. Yes, immediately.

She hung up the phone and looked at me with severity in her eyes.

- Your mother will be here soon. In the meantime, I advise you to rethink your behavior.

I sat in silence, feeling the wave of anger slowly give way to shame. Lina, as always, was next to me, whispering in my ear:

- You should tell her what you really think. But it's good that you didn't let yourself be humiliated.

I no longer knew if what I had done was right or if it only made the situation worse. I felt the swirling emotions slowly overwhelm me.

I sat in a chair, trying to control the mixture of shame, anger and frustration that was growing in me with each passing minute. The headmistress's office seemed tighter and tighter, as if the walls were slowly closing in. I couldn't look her in the eye, so I stuck my gaze into the stains on the floor covering.

Finally, I heard footsteps in the hallway. The door to the study opened, and in it stood my mother. She looked tired, but her face betrayed something more - anger, concern and clear concern.

- Good morning," she said to the headmistress, and her voice was calm, although it was clear that she was trying to control her emotions.

- Good morning. Please sit down," the director replied, indicating the seat next to me.

Mom looked at me and then sat down. There was silence in the office for a while, until finally the director began to speak.

- We need to talk about today's incident. Your daughter got into a fight with two classmates. One of them has a broken nose and the other has a black eye.

Mom sighed, resting her hands on her knees.

- Maya, is it true?

I pressed my lips together without looking at her.

- Yes," I finally muttered.

Mom took a deep breath, as if trying to control her own emotions.

- Why? What happened?

- Because they provoked me. They laughed at me, they still make fun of me," I burst out, feeling tears coming to my eyes. - How much do you think you can put up with this!

Mom looked at me with pain in her eyes, but before she could say anything, the director spoke up:

- I understand that she may have felt provoked, but violence is never the solution. Your daughter needs to understand that such behavior has consequences.

- Consequences? - I chuckled with irony, turning to face the director. - And what consequences do they have? For laughing at me every day, humiliating me, calling me crazy?

- Maya! - mom tried to calm me down, but I couldn't help myself anymore.

- Is it my fault that they go unpunished? That the school does nothing about it? Maybe you are the ones who should face some consequences, eh! - I shouted, looking the headmaster straight in the eyes.

The headmistress pressed her lips together, clearly annoyed, but before she could respond, Mom stood up.

- Please wait a moment. I will talk to Maja in private," she said in a firm tone, then grabbed my hand and led me out of the office into the corridor.

She stood in front of me, resting her hands on her hips, her face full of anger but also concern.

- What are you doing? Why are you acting like this? - She asked, trying not to raise her voice.

- Because no one listens to me, mom! You, dad, teachers, everyone just tells me what to do, but no one understands how I feel! - I threw out of myself, and tears began to flow down my cheeks.

Mom looked at me for a moment, as if wondering what to say. Finally, she sighed and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

- We have to do something about it. Together, right? But what you have done now is not the solution. We have to find a way to help you.

- But I don't know what to do anymore.... - I said, feeling all the anger give way to helplessness.

Mom hugged me tightly, and I felt the tension in my body slowly begin to subside. However, somewhere in the back of my mind I heard Lina's quiet whisper:

- They will not understand anything. You depend only on me.

When we returned to the office, the headmistress sat behind her desk and looked at my mother with an expression of seriousness on her face. I sank back in my chair, staring at my hands. I had had enough of this day, of this conversation, of everything.

- Ms. Wojnicz, in our school we have an experienced psychologist who could talk to Maja and help her work through these emotions," the headmistress suggested in a calm but firm tone.

Mom looked at her and shook her head.

- I appreciate the suggestion, but Maja already goes to a psychologist outside of school. We are trying to find a way to help her cope better with difficult situations.

The director raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised.

- It is good that you have already taken steps. But perhaps it would be good for her to have support at school as well? Our students often benefit from discussions with Ms. Malicka and are very satisfied.

- I understand, but at the moment I would prefer to focus on one person who knows the whole situation. I think that adding more conversations can only make things worse for Maja," replied the mother with a polite but firm tone.

- Of course, I understand," said the director, although I could see that she was not entirely convinced. - Then the question of Maja's behavior remains. We are forced to draw consequences against all participants in the fight.

I pressed my lips together, but said nothing. Mom glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, then looked back at the director.

- What consequences do you propose?

- According to our rules, all participants in the fight will be reprimanded and have their behavioral grades further reduced. However, I would like Maja to find a way to discharge her emotions in other ways. Maybe it is worth thinking about extra-curricular activities? Sports, art?

Mom nodded, though her gaze betrayed a slight irritation.

- Thank you for your suggestions, we will definitely think about it at home.

- You are very welcome. I hope that together we will be able to help Mai find her way better in the school environment," concluded the headmistress, placing a pen on her desk.

Mom stood up and looked at me, signaling that we could go now. I moved behind her without a word, feeling Lina start whispering something in my head again. This time I didn't try to listen to her. I just wanted the day to be over.

We walked along the sidewalk toward home, and Mom was silent for a long moment. I knew it was the silence before the storm. Finally, she sighed loudly and looked at me sideways.

- We need to talk," she began in a tone that immediately betrayed that this would not be an easy conversation.

- About what? - I chuckled, looking at my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

- About your behavior. About what happened today. - Her voice was firm, but full of concern. - You can't just hit other children like that, even if you feel they are provoking you.

- And what should I do? Let them humiliate me? - I replied in exasperation.

- No, but you have to find other ways to deal with it. Maya, do you understand that if this happens again, the school may expel you?

- It's not my fault they are like this! - I chuckled, feeling the anger rising in me again.

Mom stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and looked me straight in the eyes.

- Maybe not yours, but the consequences fall on us. If you get kicked out of school, it won't just be their problem anymore. It will be our problem. Do you know what will happen then?

I shrugged my shoulders, but inside I could feel myself starting to panic.

- Your father will have another argument to take you away from me. He will say that I can't handle you, that I can't provide you with a suitable environment. And if the court agrees with him? If they take you away?

I blinked rapidly, trying to hide the tears that began to flow into my eyes.

- Dad doesn't want to take me. He doesn't even like me.

Mom looked at me with pain in her eyes.

- It's not a question of whether he likes you. It's a question of money, Maya. If he doesn't have to pay alimony, it's a win-win for him . Do you know how many times he has threatened to take you away to "save money"?

- He can't take me," I said quietly, but my words sounded more like a question than a statement.

- If you give him reasons, he can. That's why you need to control yourself. It's not just about you, Maya. It's about us. It's about us being able to stay together.

I looked at my mother, feeling like a balloon that someone is piercing with a needle. All my emotions suddenly subsided, leaving me empty and overwhelmed.

- Sorry," I muttered, looking at my feet.

Mom sighed and put her hand on my shoulder.

- I don't want you to feel guilty. I want you to understand how important it is that you learn to deal with what you feel in a different way.

I nodded, though inside I wasn't sure if any of this would change my situation.

We walked on in silence, but there was no silence in my head. Lina, as always, found a way to interject her three cents. Her voice was quiet but clear, as if she were speaking directly into my ear.

- You see? All parents are the same. They say they want to help, but really they just complicate everything. They make even more problems instead of solving them.

I clenched my fists, trying to ignore her, but her words echoed in my head.

- Your mother thinks she knows what is best for you. But she doesn't understand anything. Only I know what's really bothering you. And only I can help you.

I swallowed my saliva, feeling my heart begin to beat faster. Lina was too convincing. Too confident.

- You can't count on anyone. Only on me. I understand you. I will protect you.

- Maya, are you all right? - I heard my mother's voice and raised my head, realizing that I had stopped.

Mom looked at me with an expression of worry on her face. Her eyebrows were slightly furrowed and her eyes pierced me with a look that made me feel even smaller than I was.

- Is something going on? You look like you're somewhere else.

- No, nothing... I was just thinking," I replied quickly, avoiding her gaze.

Mom squinted her eyes, as if trying to read something from my face.

- Maya, did you... Is something wrong? Do you feel that something is wrong?

I shook my head, trying to control the trembling in my hands.

- Nothing is happening, mom. I'm just tired.

- Are you sure? Because lately you often seem to be.... absent. It's like you're somewhere far away," she said quietly, but something more than concern could be heard in her voice. There was also suspicion there.

- I'm sure," I lied, but Lina had her say.

- Tell her the truth. Tell her that it's all her fault. That her ideas and decisions only make things worse.

- Stop... - I muttered quietly before I could stop myself.

- Stop what? - Mom asked, wrinkling her eyebrows.

- Nothing, nothing... I was talking to myself," I replied quickly, feeling panic sweep over me.

Mom stopped and looked at me even more carefully.

- Maja, are you... Are you talking to someone?

I froze, not knowing what to answer. Lina laughed quietly in my head.

- Don't let her bury herself in your life. She will never understand.

- Honey? - Mom leaned in slightly, trying to catch my eye. - You can tell me. Whatever it is, we can handle it together.

I looked at her, trying to understand if she was really serious. But Lina was faster.

- Don't trust her. She just wants to control your every move.

- Nothing, mom. Nothing is happening," I finally replied, feeling the lie burn me from the inside.

Mom sighed heavily, but did not press. However, I knew that what she had seen did not give her peace of mind. She was beginning to suspect something, and I could feel my relationship with Lina becoming more and more dangerous.

When we entered the apartment, Mom immediately put her bag down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at me carefully. Her gaze was heavy, full of concern and worry.

- Sit down. We need to talk," she said, pointing to a chair at the table.

I didn't want to. Most willingly, I would have locked myself in my room and pretended that nothing was happening. But her tone was too firm to ignore. I slowly sat up, driving my gaze to the table.

Mom sat down across from me, resting her elbows on the countertop.

- You know that such behavior has its consequences I mentioned, right? What happened at school cannot be repeated.

- I know," I replied quietly, but without conviction.

- Honey, I'm really worried about you. I can see that something is wrong. It's not just what you do, but how you act. You look ... to be very exhausted.

I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say.

- I know that not everything is easy. I know you have the right to feel bad. But you have to trust me. If you don't tell me what's going on, how can I help you?

- You won't understand," I muttered, still looking at the table.

- Maybe not, but at least I'll try. Just give me a chance.

I didn't respond. In my head, Lina whispered quietly:

- Don't be fooled. She thinks she'll help you, but she'll only make things worse.

Mom sighed and got up from the table.

- You know what, I'll brew you some lemon balm. It will help you calm down," she said, heading for the tea cabinet.

I heard the rustling of bags, the clatter of the kettle, and then the sound of water being poured. Mom placed a mug of steaming lemon balm in front of me, then gently placed her hand on my shoulder.

- I want you to rest today. Nothing else. I'll give you a warm bath, okay?

I looked at her surprised, but just nodded. Mom had always been practical, but now her concern seemed different - more gentle, as if she was afraid that my every word might break.

She went to the bathroom, and I sat with the mug in my hands, staring at the swirling smoke rising from above the brew. Lina was silent, but her presence was palpable, like a shadow in the corner of the room.

After a few minutes, Mom returned.

- The water is ready. Come on, honey, you need to relax.

I got up and headed for the bathroom, feeling my body as heavy as lead. Warm steam rose from the tub, and the smell of lavender bath liquid filled the room. I stepped into the water, closing my eyes and trying not to think about anything.

But even then Lina was there, whispering somewhere on the edge of my thoughts:

- It's all just for show. They don't know what's really going on. But I do know. And I will protect you. Always.

The bathroom was in semi-darkness, with only the soft light of candles vibrating on the tiles, creating strange, flickering patterns. I sank into the bathtub full of warm water and fragrant foam, feeling the tension slowly begin to drain from me.

Warmth enveloped my body, and the fatigue I had been carrying around for so long was finally beginning to subside. My joints and muscles ached, as if I had been carrying an invisible weight on my back for a long time. Now that weight was melting, dissolving into the water.

I closed my eyes, trying to forget everything - school, my mother, Lina. Even her voice, usually present like a constant echo in my head, disappeared, leaving only the muffled sounds of the world outside. I could hear the distant murmur of my mother's footsteps in the kitchen, the muffled voices of the neighbors behind the wall, and then even these sounds began to disappear, as if the water in the bathtub absorbed everything.

For a moment there was silence. I sank deeper under the foam, hearing only the quiet hum around my ears. There was something soothing about this moment of solitude, something that allowed me to cut myself off from the world, at least for a moment.

I emerged slowly, wiped my face with a wet hand, opening my eyes. And then I saw him.

A shadow was leaning over the bathtub, just above me. It did not resemble the usual shadow cast by candlelight. It was darker, denser, almost material.

I froze, holding my breath. I couldn't move. The shadow was so close that I felt as if cold air surrounded me in that hot tub. For a split second I had the impression that I could see some outlines in it - something resembling a face, eyes....

I wanted to scream, but my voice got stuck in my throat. Instead, I only quietly made a stifled sound. The shadow moved slightly, as if it knew I could see it. My heart was beating like crazy, and I felt my whole body embrace a chill, despite the warm water.

- Maya? Are you all right? - mom's voice rang out from behind the door, breaking the silence.

I blinked, and the shadow disappeared. I was alone in the bathroom, and the candlelight danced on the walls as if nothing had ever happened.

- Yes, mom. Everything is fine," I replied in a trembling voice, trying to convince both her and myself. But I knew something was wrong. Something really was wrong.