ILikePotatos

“Okay, so picture this: Your buddy Kaito dies slipping on a banana peel that’s basically the universe’s middle finger. Instead of heaven, he gets a job offer from a pan-dimensional duck in a suit who’s like, ‘Congrats! You’re now the multiverse’s handyman, but instead of fixing leaks, you fight gods who cry when you roast their PowerPoints.’

Kaito’s whole vibe? ‘I didn’t ask for this, but I’ll do it while sarcastically sipping cosmic boba.’ He glitches through worlds where gravity takes weekends off and wars are fought with karaoke. The catch? He doesn’t exist in any universe’s database, and now every god, demon, and sentient spreadsheet is like, ‘DELETE HIM.’

"It’s like Rick Sanchez and Deadpool had a baby, raised it on anime and dad jokes, and then threw it into a black hole made of HR paperwork. 10/10 would binge-read while eating questionable gas station sushi.”

I Died on a Banana Peel and now I work for Space HR

**Previously, on *I Died on a Banana Peel*:**

Kaito fixed a time-looping Tuesday by inventing *temporal taxes*, bankrupted the concept of Mondays, and left a planet of reverse-aging grandmas screaming, "WHO ARE YOU?!" His answer? A shrug and a stolen bag of cosmic Cheetos.

Draxyl the duck-bureaucrat reappeared in a puff of glitter and existential dread. "New assignment! The **Chronos Syndicate** is pissed. You broke their favorite toy—*linear time*."

Kaito yawned. "Tell them to invoice me. I'm busy." He was, in fact, busy teaching a black hole to play chess. It kept eating the pieces.

"They're *gods*, Kaito. Ancient, all-powerful, and… uh… *really* into spreadsheets."

"They think pivot tables are holy." Draxyl shuddered. "They've scheduled a 'performance review' to delete you. You've got 10 minutes."

Kaito cracked his knuckles. "Time to crash their divine TED Talk."

The Syndicate's boardroom was a cathedral of glowing pie charts and a god named **Eternix** who looked like Elon Musk if he'd merged with a PowerPoint slide. His aura? A migraine-inducing combo of neon PowerPoint transitions and *Live Laugh Love* energy.

Eternix: **"Kaito Tachibana. You are an ERROR. A bug. A—**

Kaito: "—guy who's about to roast you harder than your coffee. Let's start with that aura. Is it 'I'm a god' or 'I accidentally downloaded a screensaver virus'?"

The Syndicate gasped. Gods aren't used to clapbacks.

Eternix's pie charts flickered. **"You dare mock us? We are TIME ITSELF!"**

Kaito: "Cool. Then you've got *all the time in the world* to explain why your 'infinite power' can't fix a Tuesday. Also, your spreadsheet's wrong."

Eternix: **"IMPOSSIBLE! This model predicts every outcome!"**

Kaito leaned over the hologram. "Column D assumes gravity works on weekends. Newsflash: It doesn't. Also, you forgot to carry the *existential dread* variable. Amateur hour."

The gods stared. One started crying in binary.

**The Aura Gambit (Or: How to Weaponize a Glow-Up)**

Eternix's aura flared, trying to vaporize Kaito with pure *divine cringe*. But Kaito—being a glitch—just… absorbed it.

"Thanks for the upgrade," he said, his own aura now pulsing with stolen god-energy. It looked like a screensaver from 1998. "Now I'm 10% deity and 90% *petty*."

He hacked their sacred spreadsheet, replacing all data with memes. The Syndicate's timeline collapsed into a GIF of a screaming cat.

Eternix: **"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"**

Kaito: "Fixed your work-life balance. You're welcome."

Draxyl stared at the smoldering remains of godly ego. "You… turned their *holy algorithms* into a Rickroll."

Kaito tossed him a USB labeled *Divine Malware*. "Next time they bother us, play Track 3: *Never Gonna Give You Up*."

As they left, Eternix whimpered, **"Who… *are* you?!"**

Kaito paused. "The guy who'll send you a LinkedIn request. Deny it, and I'll hack your Netflix."

Back in the Cosmic Weave, Kaito found a hidden file titled **"ELARA VORNE: THE WOMAN WHO NEVER WAS."** The photo inside… was his face.

*"Draxyl. Why do I look like a missing person… *from someone else's life*?"*

The duck sweated. "Uh… Happy Hour's at 5?"

**Funny End-of-Chapter Message:**

*"Life Hack: If a god challenges you to a duel, just ask them to explain their WiFi bill. Works every time."*

How to roast God deity in 3 easy step