The Goblet of Nope

Alright! Time to ruin the Triwizard Tournament in the best way possible!

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Year Four was supposed to be big.

The Triwizard Tournament. International wizards coming to Hogwarts. High-stakes magical challenges.

It was going to be huge.

Which is why, naturally…

I decided to break it before it even started.

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Step One: Steal the Goblet

The Goblet of Fire was the centerpiece of the entire event. Without it, there was no tournament.

So, logically…

I just took it.

One night, before the schools even arrived, I casually strolled into the Great Hall and yoinked the Goblet of Fire.

Gone. Vanished. Not a trace left behind.

By morning, the professors were panicking.

Dumbledore stared at the empty pedestal where the Goblet had been.

"…This is problematic."

Mad-Eye Moody (well, technically Barty Crouch Jr.) froze in place.

Because he had been planning to put Harry's name in the Goblet… except now there was no Goblet.

Meanwhile, I was sitting at the Ravenclaw table, eating toast.

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Step Two: Watch the Chaos

The visiting schools arrived—Durmstrang, Beauxbatons—expecting a grand tournament.

Instead, they were greeted with mass confusion.

"There is no Goblet?" Karkaroff asked, looking offended.

Madame Maxime frowned. "But… how?"

"We… we don't know," McGonagall admitted. "It was here, and then it wasn't."

Dumbledore looked tired. "We are investigating."

The students were disappointed. The professors were in shambles. The Ministry was losing their minds.

It was hilarious.

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Step Three: Let the Villains Suffer

Barty Crouch Jr. was having the worst day of his life.

Without the Goblet, he had no way to force Harry into the tournament.

Voldemort's entire plan—reviving himself using the tournament's final task—was completely ruined.

Somewhere, in some secret hideout, Voldemort was probably screaming in frustration.

I smiled to myself. Good.

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The Ministry Gives Up

After weeks of searching, the Ministry finally gave up.

"The Triwizard Tournament will be… postponed," Fudge announced awkwardly.

Which was hilarious because it had never been postponed before.

The entire event just collapsed in on itself.

The students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons were furious.

"Zis is ridiculous!" Fleur Delacour snapped.

"Absolute incompetence," Karkaroff sneered.

I sipped my tea, completely unbothered.

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Harry's Best Year Ever

With no tournament, Harry had… an incredibly peaceful school year.

No near-death experiences.

No impossible magical challenges.

No Dark Lords using him for blood rituals.

For the first time, he had a normal year at Hogwarts.

Hermione, however, wasn't convinced.

"Something is wrong," she muttered one day. "Think about it—every year something huge happens… but this year? Nothing."

Harry blinked. "Are you saying you want something terrible to happen?"

"No! But… doesn't it seem weird?"

Ron shrugged. "Maybe we finally got a normal year."

Hermione frowned, still suspicious.

Meanwhile, I was already planning what to steal next year.

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End of Year Four.

Ready for Year Five? I've got big plans for Umbridge.