HER POV IX

"Love is everywhere?"

NABULABOG ako mula sa aking pagbabalik-tanaw nang marinig ko ang tunog mula sa aking cellphone.

An unknown number appeared on the screen.

Should I answer the call or not?

Samu't-saring rason ang pumasok sa isip ko tungkol sa kung dapat ko bang sagutin o hindi ang tawag.

Napako ang tingin ko sa cellphone.

Hindi ako makagalaw dahil nagde-debate pa ako sa aking isipan.

Hinayaan ko itong tumunog ng ilang beses hanggang sa mapagod ang caller at ibaba na ang tawag.

I heaved a sigh when the caller finally gave up, or so I thought.

Hindi ko nasagot ang tawag dahil mas pinrioritize ko ang debate sa isip ko.

Pumunta ako sa kusina para kumuha ng tubig. Napagod ako sa kakaisip kung sasagutin ko ba ang tawag o hindi.

I gently pressed the water dispenser nang muling tumunog ang cellphone ko.

Bumalik ako sa sala at kinuha ang phone, and this time, sinagot ko na ang tawag.

Walang paligoy-ligoy kong sinabi, "Hello, Lanxie here. How may I help you po?"

I received nothing but silence.

Inulit ko nang ilang beses ang aking intro hanggang sa mapagod na ang caller at ibaba na ang tawag, and then, I heard him sigh on the other line.

It sounded strange, but it felt like I heard the sigh outside my door.

Hindi ko alam kung matatakot ba ako, pero oo, I started to feel fear and anxiety.

I cursed silently in my mind.

At the same time, I remembered a book I once read: "When we fear something, we are actually interested in it."

I mean, come on, hindi naman sa lahat ng sitwasyon applicable ang thought na iyon, but right now, I began to think that I might be a little interested in this circumstance.

Sana nga lang wala siyang baril kasi wala akong dala niyan ngayon.

"Can you please sigh again?" I asked out of nowhere.

After a minute, he finally spoke, "Hey, Dakarai here."

Nataranta ako at muntik ko nang mabitawan ang cellphone.

I was just thinking about our past, pero ngayon, tumatawag siya?

May plano nga ba ang tadhana na muling idugtong ang aming nakaraan sa kasalukuyan?

Thinking about that, I couldn't help but smile foolishly.

I was just wondering about him, and now here he is, calling me.

"Did that just happen? Feels impossible." I utter as a response to my thought.

"I heard you," he replied.

Perhaps, the most effective tool of getting what you want is thinking about your past with someone and letting that thought summon the universe.

I couldn't help but laugh bitterly. Is this how it works? Or is it just coincidence? Maybe I'm overthinking things.

"Ba't ka napatawag?" I bit my lip.

In that simple question lay my heartfelt "what ifs."

What if he's calling because he wants to clarify something about our past?

What if he's calling because he wants to confess his feelings?

What if he's calling because he actually misses me?

My mind kept spiraling with those questions, but I quickly forced myself to focus. Maybe I should just treat this like a regular phone call. It didn't need to be anything more than that.

"I need your help, Attorney."

Damn, I forgot that I'm a lawyer.

I cleared my throat. "Nakalaya ka na?"

"Yeah, I bailed out two weeks ago."

F*ck, so I'm late with the news.

"Oo, late na ang balita. Pinakiusapan kasi sila ng agency na dati kong pinagtatrabahuhan."

Did he just read my mind?

I could feel his disappointment on the other line.

Wait, so it's been two weeks since he got out of jail? It felt like time stopped when I saw him last. The day he walked out of my life, I had never imagined it would be this complicated again.

"Wait, two weeks ago?" I asked, my brows furrowing.

"Yes, actually, noong nagkita tayo sa harap ng alma mater, it was my first day out of jail."

I was dumbfounded.

Could it be that he's been out for two weeks and didn't even bother to reach out?

But then again, why would he?

"Wait, so... what now?" I stuttered, unsure of what to say next.

I didn't know how to process the news. It was too much to take in all at once.

He then began explaining and after hearing everything from him, I fell silent.

I tried to collect my thoughts. Pero bakit ako nakikinig sa mga nangyari sa buhay niya ngayon? It feels like I'm slipping back into that world, a world I had worked so hard to leave behind.

He cleared his throat on the other line, maybe to break the silence.

My knees started to buckle.

I don't know what happened, but suddenly, my legs felt weak.

It's funny how one person can still make you feel so small. Here I am, a grown woman, questioning myself again as if I haven't moved on at all.

To regain my composure, I stood still and tried to think of a rational question.

"Bakit?"

Sh*t. I messed up.

"Anong bakit?" He asked, clearly confused on the other line.

I bit my lower lip as sweat began to form on my forehead.

"I mean— ba't mo sinasabi sa akin ang lahat ng 'to?" I stuttered.

My knees were trembling.

At some point, I couldn't help but think that I held a significant space in his heart, because he trusted me enough to share what he'd been through.

It felt so strange, being in this position again. I had vowed to move forward, to leave the past behind. But now, here I was, listening to him, feeling the walls I had built around myself start to crumble bit by bit.

"Abogado ka, diba?"

Sh*t.

I couldn't speak.

I was paralyzed by his straightforward answer.

"Normal lang naman siguro na mag-share ang client sa abogado niya, diba? Especially, about his case?"

Gosh. Nakakahiya.

"Oo nga pala, abogado nga pala ako," I muttered, embarrassed.

I didn't know what was wrong with me and why my thoughts had wandered into such foolishness.

I needed some fresh air.

Without turning off the call, I sighed deeply and headed toward the front door.

Kailangan kong lumabas, I needed fresh air to snap out of this madness.

As I stood there, holding the door handle, a million thoughts raced through my mind.

If I had stayed away from him, would things have been different? If I had stayed cold, would I have been stronger? But no. Here I was, still affected, still pulled into this emotional whirlpool.

"Is everything alright, Attorney?"

I didn't answer him.

Instead, I grabbed the doorknob and quickly opened the door.

Our eyes met.

While looking into his eyes, all I could hear was the song of my heartbeat.

In that moment, time seemed to stand still. My heart raced, and my body froze.

It's funny, isn't it? How someone you thought you had forgotten can suddenly make you feel so much?

I stood there, unsure of what to do next, unsure of how to feel. Every part of me wanted to walk away, but a part of me still wanted to stay and hear more, even if I didn't know what that "more" meant.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him again— ready to face whatever this conversation would bring. But here he was, standing in front of me, the past and present colliding in a way I hadn't expected.

"Is this real?" I thought. "Am I really here again?"

Maybe some things are just meant to happen, even when we try so hard to keep them buried.

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Author's Note:

To my dearest and precious reader, as you read this story, I wholeheartedly wish that you find comfort, solace, and healing in my words, hoping they will build a pure connection between us, my precious, dearest reader.

If you'd like to stay in touch with me or chat about my work, feel free to reach me directly at my crib via cribofharaya@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. Hiraya manawari!