Chapter 2: Adventures

Somewhere in a dark forest, in an abandoned temple, a man sat. Rather, what once was a man. Now it was just a piece of flesh, stitched together from different parts, with eyes glowing with madness and long black hair down to his waist.

"He's come…" whispered the maniac known as Kuroi Kirei.

"He's strong… very strong…"

His fingers, fused with blades, scraped across the stone floor.

"I will cut him… into tiny, tiny pieces…"

…

Meanwhile, Hikaru was trying to understand how magic worked.

"Fireball!"

The whole forest erupted in flames.

"Oh."

Ayame and Sakura looked at the smoldering ruins.

"Hero… you just destroyed half the province."

"But I just wanted to make meat."

…

Kuroi Kirei watched this from the shadows, not caring how he ended up there.

"He… is an idiot. But the power… what power…"

His lips stretched into a ghastly smile.

"I want to fuck him… I mean, tear him apart!"

…

Hikaru, in the meantime, discovered that he could teleport.

"Wow!"

He teleported straight into a women's bath.

"Oh."

"FUUUCK!!!"

"I didn't mean to!"

He teleported back.

"That was close."

Ayame sighed.

"Hero… you are really a stupid idiot."

"Yes."

…

Kuroi Kirei was already following him.

"Soon… soon I will catch him… And then…"

He licked the blade.

"I will play with his guts."

Hikaru, meanwhile, realized that he might be the main villain of this story.

"I destroyed three villages, burned the forest, accidentally scared children…"

"Yes," Sakura confirmed.

"But I'm a good guy?"

"Well…"

"Okay, let's go eat."

And so it continued for some time.

A stupid, invulnerable virgin whom everyone wanted to either fuck or kill.

And somewhere in the shadows…

The maniac waited.

With blades instead of fingers.

With madness instead of reason.

And with one thought:

"I will cut him… into pieces…"

…

Hikaru woke up to someone poking his cheek with a finger. He opened his eyes and saw Ayame looking at him with an expression balancing between admiration and irritation.

"You were snoring."

"So what?"

"How can you say 'so what'? You're an op! You should sleep quietly, like a noble warrior!"

"But I'm not a noble warrior, I'm an office worker. Well, I was."

Sakura, sitting nearby and finishing a bowl of rice, added dryly:

"Office… who? Oh fuck, I forgot, I'm all-knowing and can see through the fourth dimension, so the incels watching our great adventure and my tits shouldn't notice the illogic. Anyway, Hikaru is right. He can't even hold a sword."

"But he has 999 strength!"

"And so what? Yesterday he tried to open a jar of pickles and accidentally crushed it in his hand."

Hikaru sighed and sat up. The sun was shining too brightly, the birds were singing too loudly, and his head was buzzing after yesterday's experiment with "magical wine," which turned out to be just strong sake.

"Okay, what are we doing today?"

"We need to go to the capital," Ayame said. "There, they are waiting for the great hero who will save the country from demons."

"Oh, okay."

"You didn't even ask what kind of demons."

"Well… what kind?"

"Huge, scary, with fangs and claws and a massive hanging dick."

"Oh, like in online games. Got it… Wait, WHAT?!"

Sakura shook her head.

"He doesn't understand at all where he ended up."

"Yes," Hikaru agreed.

Meanwhile, in the shadows of the ruined fortress, Kuroi Kirei was gathering his "collection." Severed hands, legs, heads—all neatly arranged on shelves like in a butcher's shop. His long, blade-fused fingers gently caressed a fresh trophy—the head of a bandit who had the misfortune to attack him at night.

"Soon… soon I will have his head…"

He closed his eyes, imagining how he would cut this "imba." How at first he would beg, then scream, and then… just quietly whimper.

"Oh, what beauty…"

The road to the capital turned out to be not as simple as Hikaru thought.

"Why are we walking?" he asked, stumbling over a stone.

"Because yesterday you accidentally vaporized all the horses in the village," Sakura replied.

"Oh, right."

"You said 'fire' and waved your hand."

"Well, I didn't mean to."

Ayame sighed.

"Maybe at least don't use magic until we get there?"

"Okay."

Five minutes later, he accidentally caused an earthquake by sneezing.

Kuroi Kirei was following their trail. He could feel him… that ridiculous, clumsy power that left destruction in its wake.

"Idiot…"

But the power…

Oh, that power…

He wanted it.

He wanted to carve it out of him like a pit from a peach.

When they finally reached the capital, it turned out that the "great hero" was already awaited. A crowd of people, samurai, and mages were lined up to greet him.

"There he is! The savior!"

"He will destroy the demons!"

"He…"

Hikaru sneezed.

Half the buildings around collapsed.

Silence.

"Oh."

Sakura slowly covered her face with her hands.

Ayame smiled, but there was something mad in her eyes.

"Hero…"

"Yes?"

"You…"

"Yes?"

"Idiot."

"Yes."

Kuroi Kirei stood on a rooftop, watching below.

He smiled.

"Soon…"

Soon he would get to him.

And then…

He would make a masterpiece out of him.

…

The morning in the capital began with chaos. After the "sneezing incident," city officials were frantically darting among the ruins, trying to figure out how to explain to the shogun that his beloved tea house had turned into a pile of rubble. Hikaru stood in the middle of the square, scratching his head, while Ayame and Sakura tried to shield him with their bodies from the angry crowd.

"Hey, hero," Sakura hissed, smiling through her teeth at the surrounding samurai, "maybe you should at least apologize?"

"Huh? Well… sorry."

"NOT ENOUGH!" roared an old monk, shaking his fists. "You destroyed a five-hundred-year-old temple!"

"Oops."

"Oops? YOU SAY 'OOPS'?"

Ayame stepped forward sharply, hand on her sword's hilt.

"Dear monk, our hero is not used to controlling his power. He came from another world to save us from demons. Isn't a few destroyed buildings a fair price for our salvation?"

The monk froze, his beard trembling with indignation.

"Well… if you put it that way…"

"Exactly!" Sakura chimed in. "And now, if you'll excuse us, we'll go… um… receive a mission from the shogun! Yes!"

They quickly dragged Hikaru away before the crowd could recover.

In a secluded alley:

"Fuck," Ayame cursed, "we don't even know where the shogun's palace is."

"Maybe we should ask passersby?" Hikaru suggested.

"NO."

"Why not…"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT."

Hikaru pondered.

"Fair enough."

Sakura sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Fine, I'll ask. You two stay here and…"

"Don't destroy the city?"

"Exactly."

Meanwhile, on the roof of the nearest building:

Kuroi Kirei watched his prey. His long blade-fingers tapped on a skull he held in the other hand.

"How delightfully stupid he is…"

He sniffed the air.

"The scent of his power… so pure… so… inexperienced."

His tongue slowly traced the sharp edge of the blade.

"I will cut him… slowly… so he feels every inch…"