Chapter 8

With every step filled with hesitation, I move slowly towards him, not really sure what he is doing here at this hour.

As soon as he sees me, he smiles before walking towards me.

“Hey”, he greets me, his smile never leaving his face.

Instead of smiling back, I’m frowning at him.

“What are you doing here?”

To be honest, I want to let out a sigh at my own question. We literally just fought over the same question just hours ago. The day has not passed yet, but we are back to this question once again. Seriously, when will this stop? I’m so exhausted with this endless circle.

His smile drops instantly, replaced by a look of disappointment.

“So, we are back to this question again?”, Instead of answering my question, he asks me back. There is a long pause before he speaks, “I’m waiting for you so we can take the bus to your home together”.

He is waiting for me? Absurd. We take the bus? That’s ridiculous. We are going to my home together. Totally insane.

My frown deepens into a scowl, reflecting the mounting doubts I have about his explanation. I knew that we had been to my home together before. But that is for the first and the last time. I don’t want it to become a routine for him. Imagine if the whole thing is known to the school? I’m starting to get a headache just thinking about it.

“Kai”, I call his name softly. “You don’t have to do all this. I can go home by myself”, I try to persuade him.

Knowing him, he will not back down easily. But, I’m desperately hoping that he listens to me just this time. I’m so tired right now. I just want to go home.

“Hanna, you think I’m going to sit and do nothing when I know you’re walking alone in the middle of the night? I know you said you have been used to it, but I still think it is not safe for you. What if there’s something happened to you? That is why, from now on, I will accompany you to your home every day”, he seems so determined, as if there’s nothing will shake him off.

This stubborn man... Argh, I’m so exhausted right now.

“Kai...”

“I got this too”, he cut me off and took out something from his pocket before waving the transportation card to me excitedly.

I am at a loss for words. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly before speaking, “Kai, I really appreciate what you are doing, but please understand that I don’t need it. I told you, I have been walking to my home alone for years already. It is completely safe. I’m doing just fine”.

“It’s not completely safe for me. I don’t know how you think it is safe to walk alone in the middle of the night. Anything can happen to you. Can you please listen to me just this once?” he begs me desperately.

In this fight, there is no way I can win against him. I have tried, but it seems I have failed miserably. I’m tired of fighting this stubborn guy. Why is he so persistent in doing this?

“I don’t want to cause you any trouble, Kai. If everyone knows, they…”, I stop mid-way.

I’m at a loss for words to fight back.

Fatigue has taken over me.

“You don’t trouble me at all. Forget everyone. Screw them up. They know nothing about you. If you’re worried about them, I’ll protect you. I promise you, I will protect you from them. Just please let me do this, okay? I can’t just watch you walking alone in the middle of the night like this. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I seriously don’t want that. Please, Hanna, let me accompany you. Have pity on me. Please?”

The despair in his voice actually had softened me. His words may mean nothing to him, and he may blurt them out of desperation, but it does something to me. There’s no one who has taken a vow as he did just now. But I remind myself not to fall for his words. He is a playboy, he is sure to have a way with words.

“Kai…”, I stop when I see the sorrow on his face.

I really can’t say anything anymore.

“I don’t want to do this, but if I have to, I just follow you around whether you like it or not. I may be called a creepy person but if it’s the only way to keep you safe, I don’t mind then”.

I will never win against him.

“Just do whatever you want”, I finally gave in to him.

A wide smile lit up his face at my words.

I ignore him and walk to the bus stop instead. Our small fight had completely drained me. The main reason I let him be is just because I am so exhausted right now.

He walks beside me in silence. It is unusual for him to be this quiet, but I’m thankful to him because it is just what I need right now.

When we arrive at the bus stop, I immediately sit on the empty bench. There are not many people today. He took a seat beside me, still in silence. A moment passed, and he still stayed quiet. I suddenly became anxious. He had never been this still. So, I take a glance at him and get surprised when our gazes meet. In an instant, I look away from him and stare at the road in front of me.

Is he looking at me this whole time?

Shaking my head at the ridiculous thought, I try to think about something else to calm me down. I don’t really know why my heart beats faster when I’m around him. What is happening to me?

“Are you okay?”

I nod my head at his question. I suddenly feel embarrassed to face him. Hanna, what is wrong with you? This is not you. I scold myself in my mind. I suddenly became weird, and I don’t want that.

“How long have you been here?”, I ask when the silence becomes unbearable to me.

“Mhmm, don’t know. Maybe two hours or something.”

His answer makes me look at him. Two hours or something? Do I hear it right? He has been waiting for me for two hours. I widen my eyes at him at the realization. Why is he doing this for me?

“That's very long? Why would you do that?”, my voice comes out higher than usual.

Now, I am angry at him. No, I’m actually furious right now. Why does he need to do stupid things for me?

He must have realized the changes in my voice because he looks at me apologetically as he rubs the nape of his neck.

“I don’t know when your shift ended, and I kinda forgot to ask, so yeah, that’s how it turns out”, he said, unsure of himself.

“Why don’t you come in?”, I ask, barely holding myself from letting out my anger at him.

I just can’t stand it when someone does this kind of thing for me. It makes me angry because I don’t want to cause any trouble for anyone. It is not worth it for someone like me.

“I don’t want you to be angry when you see me at the cafe”, he means to calm me down, but his answer only adds fuel to the fire.

“That means you think I am happy when knowing you’re waiting for me outside the cafe, in the cold, for two hours? What do you take me for?”, I said, my eyes brimming with tears.

I don’t know how to express the anger within me. I always ended up crying whenever I felt mad. Just like this.

“Err, Hanna, no, that’s not what… God, are you crying? No, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

He panicked when I started to cry. I can’t hold my tears anymore. To be honest, I really didn’t mean to cry, especially not in front of him. I just don’t know how to express myself. The anger, the exhaustion, and the confusion were all over the place. I couldn’t help it.

“Please, just please stop doing all this. I don’t want you to do anything for my sake. I… I don’t want to cause you trouble. I don’t worth all the things that you’re doing for me. Just stop it”, I told him while wiping my tears off angrily.

People around me are watching us as if we are shooting a drama or something. I’m so embarrassed right now, but there’s nothing I can do about it. The damage has been done.

‘Couple’s quarrel’

I heard an old lady say to us. I want to yell on top of my lungs that ‘we are not a couple’ so badly. Instead, I just said it in my mind.

“Hanna, oh my God! Please don’t cry. I’m really, really sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’ll fix it, okay? I’ll fix everything. Just tell me what to do. Tell me anything, I’ll do it. Just stop crying. Please...”

I can see the panic, fear, and nervousness written all over his face. He seems unsure of what to do. He is holding on to my bag tightly. I don’t think he is aware of what he is doing right now.

“I don’t want to stop”, I told him between my tears.

He is at a loss for a moment before he ruffles his hair in hopelessness. He seems frustrated with himself.

“You want ice-cream?”, his question leaves me dumbfounded.

I shook my head at him before wiping away the tears on my face. When I calm myself down, I look at him.

“You think I’m five?”

He looks lost. A smile threatened to appear on my face, looking at his confusion. There is a long pause before he smiles at me.

“No, but I think you’re cuter than a five,”, his comment makes me widen my eyes at him.

I won’t lie. His compliment actually sent tingling sensations on my cheeks. Oh my God! Am I blushing right now? Because of him? Before, I cried my eyes out in front of him. Now, I am blushing because of him. Next, what? Falling in love with him?

I shudder at the thought. No! That can’t happen. I can’t. He is Kai Adler.

Trying to distract from the nonsense, I opened my bag and grabbed a tissue. I’m in a mess.

“I’m sorry for acting silly all of a sudden”, I apologize, embarrassed with myself for letting the emotion take control of me.

Why must I cry in front of him out of all the other people?

“No, please don’t apologize. It’s my fault. I know you’re exhausted with me. I’m sorry”.

At least, he knows he is exhausting to deal with. I make a small smile before shaking my head at him.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just a bit tired”, I unknowingly confess to him.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re precious, Hanna. So much precious than you think you are. You’re the prettiest of all.”

I forget to breathe as soon as our eyes meet. My heart, usually a calm and steady rhythm, began to pound so hard against my chest. This makes me feel so uncomfortable, so I avert my eyes from him.

“You suddenly become weird”, I laugh off his words after that.

He doesn’t say anything, as he fell into silence all of a sudden. As time passed, I became more anxious. The bus that I was supposed to take already left a while ago, so I need to wait for another one. It’s my fault for crying earlier.

But his words earlier… The strange sensation in my chest… I can’t say I’m not afraid of my own feelings.