Chapter 3 - Smile

**PROLOGUE**

[2003]

"To all the graduates this year, I want to congratulate you. And with that, here's Donna Cruz's song 'I Can.'"

"D*mn it, of all the songs, it had to be that one!" I exclaimed as I was about to turn off the radio, but I froze when the song started playing and realized tears were falling from my eyes again.

"D*mn!" I cursed again while blowing my nose into the handkerchief that was already soaked from crying non-stop all night.

A knock on the door made me stop, making me quickly wipe my tears and turn off the radio.

"What is it, lola? I already said I don't want any visitors..." I stopped mid-gesture when I realized it wasn't my grandmother standing in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" My eyes immediately went to the bouquet of flowers in his hand and his graduation gown.

"I left graduation early to give you this," he said while also handing me his cap.

"Are you trying to mock me?"

"What? No... I just want you to experience it too. It's not the end of the world, Elena, you'll still graduate. Not now, but let's celebrate it early because I know that--"

"Let's talk outside, Alejandro," I cut him off.

***

"Let's end whatever this is between us, Alejandro," I said when we reached the back of the house.

"Elena, are you serious?"

I nodded slowly and looked him straight in the eyes. "I'm leaving next month, mom is taking me to Manila. It's better if we end whatever this is between us while it's still early."

"Is that all it means to you, Elena? You're just throwing away what we have like trash. You know what, you're just stressed. I'm sorry if I offended you by giving you these flowers and this gown, I just want you to experience it too because you deserve it. Don't let one mistake destroy you, Elena."

'I know my feelings for him were genuine, but they weren't like what he could give me. I have different priorities in life, and I'd just be wasting his time.'

"Oh, come on, it's just puppy love Alejandro, you'll find someone else..."

'I know I shouldn't say what I'm about to say, but this is the only way I can think of to make him stop pursuing me after this conversation.'

"...besides, I only said yes to you to distract Zahara, but it wasn't effective and she still won in the end."

"Wait? Are you saying you just used me for your ambition?"

I nodded slowly and deliberately held back the tears threatening to escape my eyes.

"Yes, and like I said, it didn't work. In the end, I didn't even graduate."

***

[2002]

SMILE

What is your meaning?

My only ARAPAAP,

May sadness not follow your arrival.

***

After putting a bandaid on the scrape on my foot from running home without slippers last night, I sighed and laid down in bed.

*

"Are you okay?" they asked, but I didn't answer and quickly pulled away, running toward the house.

"D*mn it, Elena!" I exclaimed to myself after closing the bedroom door.

Then I immediately ran to the window to peek at Zahara's yard. And when I saw that all three of them had gone inside, I let out a deep sigh, even deeper than grandma's vinegar storage barrels.

*

"If only you had just gone home earlier instead of swinging on those tires, this wouldn't have happened, right?" I muttered to myself, but I froze while getting up from the bed when I knocked the picture frame on the bedside table and couldn't stop it anymore - it fell to the floor with its front broken -- just like the fate I tried to prevent earlier.

I looked at the picture frame next to my bed that I had covered with tape to piece together.

In the end, I couldn't prevent what was meant to happen. It still fell and what happened between Alejandro and me still happened.

'Does this mean there's nothing I can do to stop everything? Will Zahara and I fight again, will I hurt Alejandro again, and will I still end up as a 9-5 worker who wakes up every day for nothing?'

"No!" I suddenly sat up from lying down and in my frustration, started pulling at my own hair.

'I won't allow it. What's the purpose of coming back here if not to change the future, right? Is this it? Am I just supposed to watch everything happen again?'

A loud knock on the door caught my attention.

"Are you going to break..." I quickly closed the door when I saw it wasn't just Zahara as I had guessed, but also Fern and... Alejandro.

"Wait!" exclaimed Zahara, who managed to get into my room before I could completely close the door.

"What are you doing here? Don't tell me you're going to make my room your hangout spot again? And you really had to bring that Alejandro along?"

"Well, his family's staying here for a week. We can't just leave him alone at home, right? Besides, we're not going to hang out here, we were going to invite you to town to show Aleja--"

"No, I'm busy," I cut her off, making her furrow her brows at me.

"I can't come because..."

"Because you're going to study?" she continued, and then sneered when I nodded in response.

"You're such a nerd. Can't you just enjoy the vacation? We're only teenagers once, you know. In just a year, we'll be in college, and you'll surely study in Manila..."

"No matter what you say, Zahara, you can't convince me. Go on without me."

She immediately rolled her eyes into space and had no choice when I forcefully made her leave the room.

I need to avoid Alejandro, and even if I have to lock myself in this room for a week, I'll do it, just so I don't see him.

I lost track of time lying on the bed staring at the ceiling when grandma suddenly knocked on the door to invite me for lunch.

When I went downstairs, my favourite dish that she always cook for me was already served - her sinigang using kamias as the souring agent.

"Thank you for the food, lola," I signed to her, to which she smiled and nodded in response.

She got exactly the right sourness I look for in sinigang. One thing I miss from this year is grandma's home-cooked meals that have mostly been replaced by takeouts and fast food chains. Even though I wanted to cook when I was working in Manila, I couldn't because if my time wasn't completely consumed by work, I was too tired and would rather just sleep off the hunger.

"Apo, I'm going to town later to buy ingredients for buko pandan for our afternoon snack. Could I ask you to get the grated coconut I ordered from Mang Julian?" grandma signed after I finished washing the dishes.

'If I remember correctly, Mang Julian's coconut grove is just on the next street. Zahara and her friends are in town now according to what she said earlier, I probably won't see them on the way.'

"Sure, grandma," I signed back with a smile.

***

I smiled when I brought out my bicycle. As I recall, it was a gift from mom during New Year. And up until twenty-twenty three, it was still in our storage.

I put on my yellow cap that matches my outfit of yellow shorts and a white baggy shirt that's tucked in now.

'Oh I love this part, I get to wear these clothes again that would look ridiculous on me in twenty-twenty three.'

While roaming around the street, I can’t help but reminisce and compare its appearance with the present. The houses that in the future would be replaced by modern designs. Auntie Julie's Arcade Shop that would become a milk tea shop in twenty-twenty three. And the caimito tree beside Uncle Gregor's sari-sari store that used to be our hangout spot with Zahara, which in twenty-twenty three would become a commercial building.

I slowly stopped the bicycle in front of Uncle Gregor's store.

"Oh Elena, are you buying something?" he asked, which I declined by shaking my head.

He looks so young here, unlike in the present where he was already bedridden and having difficulty speaking.

"I'm going to Mang Julian's, lola ordered some grated coconut," I said, which he acknowledged with a nod.

Behind his house is Mang Julian's coconut grove, and even just walking toward it, I could already smell and hear the coconuts being grated.

"Boy, get the grated coconut for your Lola Amanda here."

"Thank you," I said when they handed me a bag of grated coconut.

"And here's also some coconut juice, I added extra because I know it's your grandma's favorite," he said, making me smile and nod.

Like grandma, Mang Julian is also gone in twenty-twenty three. His coconut grove has been replaced by apartments. I put everything in the basket at the front of my bicycle, hoping I won't fall on the way because if I do, there won't be any buko pandan later and grandma will surely be angry with me.

***

Everything was peaceful, and I was about to head home. But I stopped pedaling my bicycle when I saw three teenagers with their backs turned.

Just from their backs, I knew it was them.

'What's this? It's only 2 PM. Why did they get tired of walking around town so early?'

I bit my lower lip and when I saw Zahara about to look in my direction, my eyes widened and I turned my bicycle around faster than a car and rode away.

And because I was riding so fast, I lost control of the pedaling and...

"No!"

...the next thing I knew, I was on the ground and the coconut juice had spilled all over the street.

"What the h*ck Elena!" I exclaimed and threw the plastic-wrapped coconut juice when I saw it was hopeless.

'Are you this unlucky now Elena?'

I quickly dusted off my t-shirt that was now covered in dirt.

But I almost tore my face from smiling when I saw that grandma's grated coconut was still intact. Thank God, Mang Julian had put it in two bags. I limped over to the bicycle and stood it up.

"Excuse me, are you alright? I heard something crash and someone scream?"

"Do I look okay? Because of that Alejandro, my bike chain broke, which made all of lola’s coconut juice spill. And d*mn it, I got a wound on my knee! Maybe this is the purpose of coming back here, to collect these d*mn wounds..."

I suddenly stopped when I realized I was overreacting.

'And in the first place, who am I talking to?'

"Here," he said while handing me a bandaid with an illustration. "I have more bandaids here if that's not enough for your wound."

My eyes immediately widened and I smiled when I recognized him.

"Caloy! Caloy right? You're Aunt Zenaida's visitor from last night, aren't you?"

He nodded in response. I quickly took the bandaid he was offering and put it on my knee after blowing on it several times.

"Thank you," I said to him, which he acknowledged with a nod. He turned around and when he was about to walk back to their house, I quickly grabbed his wrist because I noticed he wasn't holding his cane now. He might bump into something.

"No, it's okay," he said but I shook my head and continued helping him.

"There, you probably have this yard memorized, right?"

"Yes, I can manage from here," he replied. "Thank you."

"Thank you for the bandaid too."

"Caloy? Why are you outside? And who are you?"

I froze while leaving their gate when a woman came out of the house. If I'm not mistaken, she might be his sister.

"I'm, ah..."

"She helped me ma, she helped me get back here, I forgot to bring my cane outside."

'Ma? I thought she was his sister because she looks so young.'

"You helped him?" I hesitantly nodded at her.

Because of this, she happily approached us along with a small dog that came running toward me.

'Oh my gosh! Get that away from me!'

And because I wasn't raised to be close to any animals except Fern, I quickly hid behind Caloy and in my fear, grabbed onto the back of his clothes.

"Cookie sit!" he exclaimed, making the dog calm down, which his mom quickly picked up.

"Sorry dear, Cookie just tends to be aggressive with new faces. But come in dear, I'll give you some juice and cake as thanks for helping my son."

"Oh no, please don't."

"I don't take no as an answer, come on dear, there's no room for shyness in this house."

"Sorry, that's just how my mom is, she gets happy whenever someone helps me or even just talks to me."

I didn't notice Caloy anymore, instead, my attention was focused on the house's interior. Unlike what I had imagined before that it would be just like other haunted houses.

Instead, I felt like I was in a museum now because of all the paintings hanging on the walls and the sculptural designs on the tables. Even the furniture looked like works of art that you couldn't just buy in malls. And what's more, the house was spacious with a design similar to houses from the 1800s.

"But if you have other agenda or things to do, it's fine if you leave now, I'll handle my mom."

I immediately shook my head in response.

'I'm not leaving, it's like I got into a museum for free.'

"Why would I leave when your house is so beautiful," I said as I couldn't help but stand up and go near the paintings. "The paintings are so beautiful."

"These paintings are from our ancestors and including my mom's paintings too," said Caloy who was following me now.

"Wow, what are these? Are you selling them?"

"No," he answered as he felt for and gently touched a painting. "It's a shame I can't see them anymore but even though I can't see how beautiful they are now, my heart can feel it. I have been attached to these paintings since childhood. That's why even I approve of mom's decision to leave these paintings here in the house."

I quickly smiled at what he said and our conversation was interrupted when his mom arrived carrying a slice of cake and a glass of coconut juice.

"That is a home baked cake that's plant-based dear. And with a fresh coconut juice straight from Uncle Julian's farm," she explained which made me smile slightly. "Enjoy dear, eat up. And if you want more, don't be shy to tell Caloy."

***

After parking the bicycle beside the house, I quickly took the coconut meat and coconut juice that Aunt Leonor, Caloy's mom, had given me when she saw the spilled coconut juice in front of their gate. And yes, she found out the truth that her son had helped me out.

His mom seemed really nice because she even said I could come visit them anytime.

"I thought something bad had happened to you, Elena. You were gone for almost three hours," Grandmother said as soon as I entered the house.

"There were just a lot of customers at Mang Julian's, lola," I replied, but I stopped when I noticed her attention was on my knee wound.

"Oh this la, the bicycle malfunctioned and I got scraped, but it's fine now la, a friend gave me a bandaid," I told her, but she wouldn't hear it and made me sit down while she got cotton and cleaning alcohol.

"Elena, you're too old for this kind of thing," she signed, which just made me smile as I pulled out a bandaid from my pocket that, like the previous one, had an illustration.

"Sorry la. What's important is your coconut is delivered and Mang Julian is even giving away coconut juice for you," I smiled at her, which just made her shake her head.

***

"Hello Zahara?"

"You're like a fool Elena, our houses are right across from each other but you still choose to talk to me on the phone? Just come over if you have something to say."

"You come here instead. Lola made buko pandan, just come get yours here," I answered on the phone and hung up before she could yell at me.

Just as I was about to get up from the sofa, I froze when someone knocked on the door.

"That was fast..." My eyes widened when I saw it wasn't just Zahara outside.

"Ooops!" Fern exclaimed, wedging his foot in the door so I couldn't close it on them again.

"We've been looking for you. You said you didn't want to go out and would just review in your room. But we found out from your grandmother that you were gone for almost three hours. Where did you go?" Zahara fired off.

"Hello Lola Amanda," Fern signed to her, which was the only phrase he knew how to sign.

"Lola Amanda, where did she go earlier?" Zahara signed inquiringly, as she had learned sign language with me at a sign language lesson when we were seven years old.

"She said the line was just long at Mang Julian's," Grandma answered her, which made Zahara furrow her brows at me, and what surprised me more was when she suddenly pulled me to the corner.

"You met someone, didn't you?" I immediately shook my head in response.

"Well, we went to Uncle Julian's when we found out your grandmother sent you there but we didn't find any Elena there," she said gossip-like.

"Maybe I had already left when you came, don't be so suspicious," I told her.

"That's enough Zahara, we might be late."

"Late for what?"

"Let's go," said Zahara as she grabbed my wrist and turned to look at Grandma.

"La, we'll be back, Fern is with us anyway," she signed, but before I could ask Grandma what these troublemakers had told her, Zahara had already pulled me out of the house.

"Hey! Where are we going?"

***

'To the basketball court.'

These jerks, dragging me just to watch some meaningless basketball game.

Make sense, that's why Fern was wearing a basketball uniform.

"Just stay here, I'll buy us some refreshments," Zahara, who was sitting between Alejandro and me, said goodbye. I quickly grabbed her wrist to stop her from standing.

"I'll go with you--"

"No need, we might lose our spots."

"Then I'll buy instead--"

"You still have a wound on your foot, I'll look like a villain in front of Alejandro if I let you."

"But Zahara--"

"I'll buy," said Alejandro, but Zahara quickly shook her head in response.

Which left Alejandro and me alone with a large space between us.

'D*mn, this is awkward.'

"Has your anger turned to hatred? I've only been here for a day, but you're already angry with me?"

I looked around with furrowed brows to find who he was talking to, but when I saw he was looking at me, I quickly turned my gaze back to the front.

"Did we know each other before we met yesterday? If so, did I do something wrong to you?"

"Are you talking to me?" I confirmed, which he nodded to.

'I'm the one who did something wrong to you. You should be the one angry at me.'

"Me angry at you?" I pointed to myself while shaking my head several times. "No."

He smiled and then shook his head. "Then why does it seem like from the start, you've been avoiding me?"

I didn't say anything to him and tried to keep my focus on the front.

"Don't tell me..."

I frowned at him when I saw his smile grow even bigger.

"you like me?" He continued, which made my eyes widen.

"Like..." I replied in confusion but quickly shook my head. "wait what?"

"Do you like Alejandro?"

My eyes suddenly widened in shock when I saw Zahara who had dropped the refreshments she was holding, also in shock.

"Number sixty-five, Boado, shoot for three!"

'This freaking Alejandro. Can I tape his mouth shut or just lock him up for a week so we really won't see each other.'

***

**EPILOGUE**

"Wow, your mom's cake is so delicious!" Elena exclaimed as Caloy walked her out of their house.

"And thank you for this coconut juice too," she continued.

Caloy slowly smiled and handed her five pieces of bandaid.

"Thank you," said the young woman who quickly pocketed the bandaid. "Well, Caloy, I better go. Lola might scold me for taking so long to return."

"Take care," the young man said with a smile as he waved goodbye to her.

"Hey!" his mother exclaimed when he entered the house and was about to go up to his room.

"Tell me about this girl, she's the only one I've seen make you smile like that," his mother continued as she held his wrist to help him sit on the sofa.

"I don't know ma," he said while still keeping the smile on his lips.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"She seems familiar to me. Her voice... I mean her presence itself, it's familiar to me."

His mother slowly smiled and gently patted him on the back. "Make sure to invite her often, son, so I can see those smiles more often."

***

Oh smile,

Truly I cannot understand you.