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Tiffany Haddish: Kids Have Amnesty...SAY ....what!?
Snack Attack—Why Your Lunches Are Lame

Inspired by the TV show and the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more on Tiffany, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.

Amnesty Day—No Time-Outs, No Filters, No Mercy
What happens when you give kids a microphone, a free pass, and the promise that absolutely nothing they say will get them in trouble? You get the realest, funniest, and most brutally honest roast in history. From snack shaming to bedtime betrayals, kids from every walk of life are ready to spill the tea on grown-ups everywhere. Buckle up—no one is safe, and everyone is invited.

tiffanyhaddish.com

Tiffany Haddish: Kids Have Amnesty....say ... what!?

Kids Tell the Ugly Truth

Chapter Nine: "I Got 99 Problems But ____ Ain't One"

Inspired by a classic Cards Against Humanity prompt, tonight's episode is all about filling in the blank: "I got 99 problems but ____ ain't one." From toddlers to teens, we're diving into what each generation thinks they've got under control—and what they definitely don't. Will they play it safe, get real, or just make us laugh? Let's find out!

Show Introduction

[The set features a giant blank card with "I got 99 problems but ____ ain't one" written on it, a spinning wheel, and a "Problem Meter." Tiffany enters holding a giant pencil.]

Tiffany Haddish:

"Welcome back to 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth!' Tonight's CAH-inspired question is: 'I got 99 problems but ____ ain't one.' We asked our panel—from toddlers to teens—to fill in the blank and tell us what they think they've got handled. Then we spin the wheel to see how they'd deal with those problems—government, humanity, cartel, Karen/Kevin, or CAR Tell Me style. Let's get into it!"

Tonight's CAH Question:

"I got 99 problems but ____ ain't one."

Toddler (3-4 years old):

Answer: "Naps ain't one."

Government (CAE): "Take naps on time, every day."

Humanity (CAH): "Ask for a cuddle if I don't want to nap."

Cartel (CAR): "Skip naps and play hide-and-seek instead."

Karen/Kevin: "Cry until someone lets me stay up."

CAR Tell Me: "Run around until I'm too tired to care."

Middle Kid (5-9 years old):

Answer: "Homework ain't one."

Government (CAE): "Do it right after school, no excuses."

Humanity (CAH): "Help my friends with theirs."

Cartel (CAR): "Hide my homework and hope the teacher forgets."

Karen/Kevin: "Complain that it's too hard and unfair."

CAR Tell Me: "Pretend I forgot it at school and blame the dog."

Preteen (10-12 years old):

Answer: "Brushing teeth ain't one."

Government (CAE): "Brush twice a day, every day."

Humanity (CAH): "Make it fun with flavored toothpaste."

Cartel (CAR): "Brush only when someone's watching."

Karen/Kevin: "Argue about why flossing is optional."

CAR Tell Me: "Skip it and hope no one notices the dragon breath."

Teenager (13-17 years old):

Answer: "Social media ain't one."

Government (CAE): "Post responsibly and check privacy settings."

Humanity (CAH): "Use my platform to spread kindness."

Cartel (CAR): "Post memes and roast everyone."

Karen/Kevin: "Complain about how 'everyone else' has better followers."

CAR Tell Me: "Ghost my phone for a day and enjoy the silence."

Wildcard Round

Tiffany:

"Wildcard! What's a problem you wish you didn't have?"

Toddler:

"Not being able to eat candy for breakfast."

Middle Kid:

"Having to share my toys."

Preteen:

"Getting up early on weekends."

Teenager:

"Deciding what to wear every day."

Tiffany's Take

"See, no matter your age, we all got problems—but some things just ain't one. Whether it's naps, homework, or social media drama, the ugly truth is: you do you, and don't let those problems boss you around!"

End-of-Episode Credit

Tiffany (on screen):

"Thanks for keeping it real with us on 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth.' I'm Tiffany Haddish. For more laughs, wisdom, and problem-solving tips, visit tiffanyhaddish.com. See you next time—remember, some problems just ain't one!"