Kids Tell the Ugly Truth
Kids Tell the Ugly Truth
Chapter Seventeen: "What's the Most Ridiculous Excuse You've Ever Used?"
Preface
We've all been there—needing a quick excuse to get out of trouble, dodge a chore, or skip something we don't want to do. Tonight's Cards Against Humanity-inspired question is: "What's the most ridiculous excuse you've ever used?" From toddlers who blame invisible friends to teens who swear their dog ate their homework, we're diving into the wildest, funniest, and sometimes most creative excuses ever told. And because excuses can backfire, we'll add a "What Would You Do?" scenario to see how each generation handles when their excuse gets called out.
Show Introduction
[The set features a giant "Excuse Generator" wheel, a "Truth-O-Meter," and the spinning wheel. Tiffany enters holding a notepad labeled "Excuses 101" and a big red "Busted!" stamp.]
Tiffany Haddish:
"Welcome back to 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth!' Tonight's question is all about those moments when you gotta think fast: 'What's the most ridiculous excuse you've ever used?' We've got answers from toddlers to teens, and trust me, they're creative. Plus, we're throwing in a 'What Would You Do?' scenario to see how they'd handle it when their excuse gets busted. Let's hear those excuses!"
Tonight's CAH Question:
"What's the most ridiculous excuse you've ever used?"
Toddler (3-4 years old):
Statement: "I said, 'The teddy bear did it!' when I spilled juice."
Government (CAE): "Say sorry and help clean up."
Humanity (CAH): "Give the teddy bear a time-out."
Cartel (CAR): "Blame the imaginary friend instead."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'It wasn't me!' really loud."
CAR Tell Me: "Run and hide behind Mommy."
What Would You Do?
You get caught blaming your toy for a mess. What do you do?
Toddler: "Say sorry and give Mommy a hug."
Middle Kid (5-9 years old):
Statement: "I told my teacher, 'My dog ate my homework'—but I don't have a dog."
Government (CAE): "Bring the homework next day and apologize."
Humanity (CAH): "Ask for help to finish it."
Cartel (CAR): "Make up a new excuse next time."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'I was sick!' even if I wasn't."
CAR Tell Me: "Pretend I forgot and hope the teacher forgets too."
What Would You Do?
Your excuse gets called out. How do you handle it?
Middle Kid: "Tell the truth and ask for extra time."
Preteen (10-12 years old):
Statement: "I said, 'My alarm didn't go off' but I just slept through it."
Government (CAE): "Set two alarms and be on time."
Humanity (CAH): "Apologize and try harder."
Cartel (CAR): "Keep the excuse and hope no one checks."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'Everybody oversleeps sometimes!'"
CAR Tell Me: "Avoid the teacher until they forget."
What Would You Do?
You get caught lying about being late. What now?
Preteen: "Say sorry and promise it won't happen again."
Teenager (13-17 years old):
Statement: "I told my parents, 'I was at the library' but I was actually at a friend's house."
Government (CAE): "Come clean and accept the consequences."
Humanity (CAH): "Explain why I lied and promise to be honest."
Cartel (CAR): "Keep lying until I get caught."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'It's my business!' and walk away."
CAR Tell Me: "Ghost my parents for a bit."
What Would You Do?
Your parents find out your excuse was fake. How do you respond?
Teenager: "Apologize and try to rebuild trust."
Wildcard Round
Tiffany:
"Wildcard! What's the funniest excuse you've ever heard someone use?"
Toddler:
"My friend said, 'The floor ate my toy!'"
Middle Kid:
"My cousin said, 'Aliens took my homework!'"
Preteen:
"My friend said, 'I was abducted by a unicorn!'"
Teenager:
"My sibling said, 'I'm allergic to chores!'"
Tiffany's Take
Tiffany:
"Y'all, excuses can be funny, creative, or downright ridiculous—but the ugly truth is, honesty usually wins in the end. And if you gotta make one up, make it good… but be ready when it gets busted!"
End-of-Episode Credit
Tiffany (on screen):
"Thanks for spinning those excuses with us on 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth.' I'm Tiffany Haddish. For more laughs, wisdom, and excuse ideas, visit tiffanyhaddish.com. See you next time—keep it real and keep it funny!"